failure once again.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: left of center
Posts: 68
Re: failure once again.
Hi Ted... I've been reading here what you are going through. And all the encouragement you are receiving. I am here too! I remember when I first started trying to get clean and everybody kept saying to take things a day at a time and for me that (at first) did nothing but **** me right off. I could not fathom, let alone identify with the concept... either specifically to me, OR in general. It felt to me like that was all fine and dandy for those of you out there who do not have responsibilities... but ME - NO WAY. Well, I had a spiritual awakening around that troublesome little spot... let me just insert here for you that my spiritual awakenings have pretty much always been things that I experience in "retrospect" - no big parting of the clouds... not any angels singing from above... none of that. I always find myself looking back and realizing that somewhere before this very point in time I came to a new awareness and I am only just "now" really recognizing it happened. It used to upset me because I felt like I was missing out on some big awakening experience, but now I realize that this is just who I am. This is how my process runs its course. So...
One day I was sharing in a meeting and I realized during that beautiful hour and a half that I could now say that "Just for Today" DOES apply to me. I realized that when people tell me to take things in my life this way they are NOT telling me that there is no planning for the future... they are not telling me that I can't think ahead. What I am being gently reminded of is that I need not be so hard on myself that I set myself up for disappointment and failure at every turn. If I can learn to just look at THIS day... REALISTICALLY assess what it is that I can have a hope of accomplishing for myself that will help me in my recovery and get me through another 24 hours and then just WORK on whatever that is... well, then I am a LOT less likely to be overwhelmed with what the day holds for me.
I have a sponsee who is feeling like she may CRACK from the pain she is in... her stress is very dangerous to her recovery. My suggestion to her was to make ONE phone call to another recovering addict (a specific one) who had some experience stregth and hope to share in the particular area of her pain. If she was able to lay her head down that night saying she had done that... then her day had been a success... of course that took some pressure away and she was able to realistically take on the following hours that remained in that day.
Your pain is specific, but it is pain that anyone in recovery can identify with. This means that you have almost limitless resources available to you to make this day a success! We are online... we are in meetings... we are on Help-Lines... So many of us have been there where you are and have experience we can use to identify with you. YO DON'T HAVE TO USE EVER AGAIN. You will get through this. I admire your admission that your girlfriend was your "hostage" - but I would also like to suggest that you have been a hostage too. A hostage to your addiction. And your girlfriend can reach out and get help too... Hostage or not, you cannot accept into your lap the responsiblity for other people's actions and choices. You have ENOUGH to deal with just keeping yourself clean for another day... another hour. You don't own her choices... you don't even have the right to try to own them. They are hers not yours. I find powerlessness a relief today. I am powerless over my addiction... just as I am powerless over ANYTHING other than my OWN behavior. Once I get that through my head (and it is a repeated reminder I need of this one!) I find myself so relieved... the wieght of the burdens I carry is far lighter because I am ONLY carrying my own!
I hope you keep reaching out and I hope you stay clean today. You are loved and cared for... beleive that. I will add my prayers to all the others you have been receiving.........
amandalee
One day I was sharing in a meeting and I realized during that beautiful hour and a half that I could now say that "Just for Today" DOES apply to me. I realized that when people tell me to take things in my life this way they are NOT telling me that there is no planning for the future... they are not telling me that I can't think ahead. What I am being gently reminded of is that I need not be so hard on myself that I set myself up for disappointment and failure at every turn. If I can learn to just look at THIS day... REALISTICALLY assess what it is that I can have a hope of accomplishing for myself that will help me in my recovery and get me through another 24 hours and then just WORK on whatever that is... well, then I am a LOT less likely to be overwhelmed with what the day holds for me.
I have a sponsee who is feeling like she may CRACK from the pain she is in... her stress is very dangerous to her recovery. My suggestion to her was to make ONE phone call to another recovering addict (a specific one) who had some experience stregth and hope to share in the particular area of her pain. If she was able to lay her head down that night saying she had done that... then her day had been a success... of course that took some pressure away and she was able to realistically take on the following hours that remained in that day.
Your pain is specific, but it is pain that anyone in recovery can identify with. This means that you have almost limitless resources available to you to make this day a success! We are online... we are in meetings... we are on Help-Lines... So many of us have been there where you are and have experience we can use to identify with you. YO DON'T HAVE TO USE EVER AGAIN. You will get through this. I admire your admission that your girlfriend was your "hostage" - but I would also like to suggest that you have been a hostage too. A hostage to your addiction. And your girlfriend can reach out and get help too... Hostage or not, you cannot accept into your lap the responsiblity for other people's actions and choices. You have ENOUGH to deal with just keeping yourself clean for another day... another hour. You don't own her choices... you don't even have the right to try to own them. They are hers not yours. I find powerlessness a relief today. I am powerless over my addiction... just as I am powerless over ANYTHING other than my OWN behavior. Once I get that through my head (and it is a repeated reminder I need of this one!) I find myself so relieved... the wieght of the burdens I carry is far lighter because I am ONLY carrying my own!
I hope you keep reaching out and I hope you stay clean today. You are loved and cared for... beleive that. I will add my prayers to all the others you have been receiving.........
amandalee
OH SH!T
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: RICHMOND,VIRGINIA-
Posts: 1,655
Re: failure once again.
I NEEDED TO HEAR WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT BEING A HOSTAGE.CONTROL??? I DON'T BELEIVE I'VE EVER HAD THAT,BUT I'VE TRIED ENDLESSLY TO CONTROL EVERYTHING,REALLY EVERYTHING!THANK YOU FOR YOUR WISE IMPUT AMANDALEE. ONE MINUTE AT A TIME RIGHT NOW. ted :japanese2
OH SH!T
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: RICHMOND,VIRGINIA-
Posts: 1,655
Re: failure once again.
just looked back at all the replies you all have given me.gooch, that softer way kicked my ass.time to deal with all this mess. thank you all,everyone. ted :council: my picture of you all
It is what it is!!!
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Sobriety
Posts: 5,767
Re: failure once again.
Ted,
It gets better. You made it through the night, now take today slow, one minute at a time. Pick that phone and call AA, someone will be on that line to talk and help you. Hit a meeting if you can.
We are all doing this thing together.
It gets better. You made it through the night, now take today slow, one minute at a time. Pick that phone and call AA, someone will be on that line to talk and help you. Hit a meeting if you can.
We are all doing this thing together.
In Memory Of
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Connecticut.
Posts: 3,736
Re: failure once again.
(((((((((ted)))))))) How are you today? I feel ya! I been there once too many times,the only real shame would be in your not tryin! I am pullin for ya Ted!!! Hang in there! Prayers to you :council: We are all pullin for you! Trish..
Sweet Sounds of Heaven
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Point Blue, Louisiana
Posts: 1,144
Re: failure once again.
I'M GOIN TO TRY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FREINDS........THE BEATLES ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE,LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED.......
Ted great signature, I am going to go and change mine. It is going to say "STAY STRONG like Ted says and I am not talking about Nugent.
Love you Ted.
Ted great signature, I am going to go and change mine. It is going to say "STAY STRONG like Ted says and I am not talking about Nugent.
Love you Ted.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Los Angeles, Ca.
Posts: 353
Re: failure once again.
ted-you can do it ----LOOK----- you are doing it! second by second, minute by minute, day by day, whatever it takes. when i look at the picture by your name I always think of a warrior. it's the way the light and shadow is working that makes it look like war paint to me. you are a warrior and you can win your happiness. STAY STRONG. love-alice
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: God's Grace
Posts: 689
Re: failure once again.
Hey Ted, I just want to say that I enjoy your posts throught this forum, and all those wierd smiley things you always use. You have a good attude. That helps me in my recovery. Keep strong. :thumb
spirit
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: perth,western australia
Posts: 1,460
Re: failure once again.
hey ted, this is kath from australia. for me it is daytime, so i can talk all night to you if you like. besides it is raining outside and i welcome time to be in here. i need it too, as much as you do.
what the others have all said is true, dan is particularly wise, i dont think he is dangerous at all (wink)
ted if i beat myself up everytime i had a drink i would look like a domestic violence victim and my hubby would be in jail. the last few weeks have been tough for me too, havent consistently been drinking but i have picked up and then later realised that was a dumb thing to do. dumb to do, but doesnt mean i am dumb or a failure, neither are you.
it is ok to feel disapointed but you are here, looking for help so you want to move forward. stay with us and we will get there.
so take a deep breath, grab a coffee, come back read the boards, talk to us, until you feel a bit more settled.
hugs to you mate, you can do this, we all can, we have all fallen before and all got back together before, it just takes time, and being gentle on yourself.
cheers for now
kath
what the others have all said is true, dan is particularly wise, i dont think he is dangerous at all (wink)
ted if i beat myself up everytime i had a drink i would look like a domestic violence victim and my hubby would be in jail. the last few weeks have been tough for me too, havent consistently been drinking but i have picked up and then later realised that was a dumb thing to do. dumb to do, but doesnt mean i am dumb or a failure, neither are you.
it is ok to feel disapointed but you are here, looking for help so you want to move forward. stay with us and we will get there.
so take a deep breath, grab a coffee, come back read the boards, talk to us, until you feel a bit more settled.
hugs to you mate, you can do this, we all can, we have all fallen before and all got back together before, it just takes time, and being gentle on yourself.
cheers for now
kath
spirit
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: perth,western australia
Posts: 1,460
Re: failure once again.
yep dan we dont close, there is always someone here haha
even if am asleep one of you lot is awake and when you sleep i am awake and sometimes we all meet in the middle
ted come join us - it is worth it
kaht
even if am asleep one of you lot is awake and when you sleep i am awake and sometimes we all meet in the middle
ted come join us - it is worth it
kaht
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Los Angeles, Ca.
Posts: 353
Re: failure once again.
((((((((((((((((((ted)))))))))))))))))) i was stopping by to see how you are. Love is always available and because you are brave enough to ask you get double portions!
keep your heart open so that it can heal. there is no failure in trying to become sober you are already winning in trying! sobriety takes practice just like hurting ourselves takes practice. your journey and struggle has been inspiring and i have benefitted from the encouragement you have given me. i miss your CAPITAL LETTERS!!!!!!!
love-alice
keep your heart open so that it can heal. there is no failure in trying to become sober you are already winning in trying! sobriety takes practice just like hurting ourselves takes practice. your journey and struggle has been inspiring and i have benefitted from the encouragement you have given me. i miss your CAPITAL LETTERS!!!!!!!
love-alice
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