MIRecovery

Comedian Jeff Foxworthy had a very funny routine about, You might be a redneck if.... You mow your lawn and find your car.

Here is a few to get us started.

You might be an alcoholic if.....

You are too drunk to fish (This is from Foxworthy)

You hide your booze so well even you can not find it

You are too drunk to walk so you have to drive home

You are worried about the trash man and empty bottles

The cheap vodka company's stock tanked when you stopped drinking

escapist

you still find booze AFTER you cleaned out your house and threw away all of your booze

doggonecarl

...if the thought of quitting gives you an anxiety attack.

oh2exhale

You break stuff to make it work better - or because your pissed off at it for not working (ie, a hammer to the TV set) "I will show you whose boss!" *smash smash*

IndaMiricale

If your rolling change to pay for a drink

sothisisit

...you know the opening time of every liquor store in your area.

MIRecovery

or taking cans back (we have a 10 cent deposit in MI) + looking under seat cushions for change

amy55

you have plumbing problems, so you call a plumber, he needs to look at the pipes, so goes down the basement and lift up part of your suspended ceiling and empty bottles start falling on his head

Elisabeth888

making drinks is too much trouble for you...instead you chug it right out of the bottle.

you start thinking you need more alcohol before the bottle is half way empty

MIRecovery

Believe it or not a MI buddy of mine in AA did the same thing with the same result. We all do the same insane things

sothisisit

...if getting dressed, finding money, getting to the liquor store and back again is as big a challenge to you as D-Day was to the Allies.

MIRecovery

When the snow melts it looks like a grave yard for empty vodka bottles

Lionhearted1

If you have learnt how to use alcohol as time machine...lmao

amy55

when you get a can crusher and you live alone

MIRecovery

Now that is really funny

MIRecovery

The answer to everything is, "I only had two beers"

karilynn27

if you Google signs of alcoholism, take the test, pass with flying colors, ignore the results, continue drinking and wake up a year later surprised to realize you are an alcoholic.
We are remodeling and there are still so many cans and bottles to find.
But I was fine and dandy

karilynn27

You think your a great drunk driver

MIRecovery

Thinking it was really not that bad to be drinking at 6:00 AM

Lionhearted1

If you drink faster the more drunk you get...