dSober

I don't think you'll regret it afterwards Ula. I KNOW you will.

ula

My heart tells me to listen to all of you wonderful people, my head tells me to drink just this once, I don't know I don't know I don't know. I hate arguing with myself.

Obladi

Listen to your heart.
YOU know what you need to do.
It's not your head that's telling you to drink, it's your addiction.
Tell your addiction to take a hike just this once, put it off.
You can always change your mind later.
Just tell it "not today, I'm gonna give the harder option a try today and see where it takes me."

ula

This is what I did, I called her and asked her to postpone our "meeting" for an hour. If I don't change my mind I will continue calling her every hour or so and asking to wait. I have things to take care of after 3pm anyway so all I have to do is make it till then.

dSober

Obladi's right. It's your addiction talking, not YOU. Ignore that vile monster!

freshstart57

It is the voice of alcohol addiction that you are listening to, Ula. The voice that tells you you can drink moderately, you deserve a drink, it would be so nice to have just a couple, what's the harm, I can't back out now and disappoint my friend, what will she think, I will swear off soon I really really will. Honest. Honest - really?

When you hear those lies, Ula, make no mistake about their source. They come from the brain's desire for that buzz of pleasure and oblivion. You can do what that voice wants, or you can do what you want. You have the power to choose.

Choose drinking now - sad. Choose not drinking now - better. Your call.

dSober

Step 1 - done. KEEP GOING. You KNOW why you NEED to.

Obladi

Ok, good start. Wish it had been a longer postpone, but I'll take it.
What are you going to do between now and then?

You know there's a chat area here. You could go there. Or PM me. Or write about why you planned your relapse. Or take a bubble bath, eat something hearty, rearrange your closet...

Germanos

All I can speak of is from my own experience. Relapse = 1 "good" day of drinking followed by weeks to years of helpless depressive drinking. If I never took that 1 drink when I was finally turning my life around, I can not imagine the great things I'd be doing with my life. I would be over 2 years sober but Instead I am once again starting over and have thrown away many good opportunities.... grades in college, potential girlfriends, careers, living arrangements, am back in debt.... because drinking was more important.

I think it is a bad idea, just think really hard about it... and we will be here no matter which direction you go. Just remember that we can not control our drinking, and staying sober for a period of time does not mean that we have conquered our drinking problem.

MIRecovery

Even if you do not believe in something greater than yourself get down on your knees and ask him/her/it to have the obsession and compulsion to drink be lifted from you for today.

"Crazy I know," But what can it hurt and guess what? It works

dSober

Funny (not really) you should mention something greater than yourself MIRecovery. I believe that's one of the things that's been hanging my recovery up as I am, and have always been, agnostic.

Just b4 looking here again, I was browsing my Big Book, something I haven't done in a couple of years. I [re]read step 3 where it says: "God as we understand him". The "as we understand him" is what counts me in. I can understand God however I please.

I choose to unerstand him as Good. Just Good. That, I can relate to. "Do unto others...", for me, follows from that. So does the "Power greater than myself". Good is a hell of a lot greater than just me.

As an aside, I just drove my son to work and stopped to get a pack of cigarettes on the way home at my usual local concenience store. There was a young girl in line in front of me, paying with change, someyhing I was also about to do. She had a smoke tucked over her ear that was hand rolled. I jokingly said: "I hope that's a cigarette, not a joint".

That started a conversation that we continued outside after our purchases. To make an already too long story shorter, I found that like myself, she's confronting addiction. She lives in my area and I told her about the Sunday night meeting at St. Thomas, right across the street from where we were standing. She didn't know.

Whether she goes or not is immaterial. What's important, for me, is that now she knows it's there and available any time she chooses to go.

As for "do unto others...", I got some Good out of it too. I haven't been to the meeting there, or any meeting, in over a year. I believe I'll go this Sunday, to reacquaint with some old friends, including my last sponsor. I also believe I should go for the benefit of this girl just in case she does show up. I can introduce her to a bunch of people and help make her welcome.

dSober

I meant to conclude: "help make her feel welcome". I know she's welcome, as are we all.

dSober

So how's it hangin' there Ula? Still with us?

Obladi

Ula, what's up?

FreeFall

Congrats on 2 months sober-that IS a big deal. Think of the reasons why you wanted to do that. Think all the way through why you want to drink. Most times I realized I would stop thinking at "I want to drink with my friends" and then would go and do it. Now I keep going with the scenario of drinking with my friends-the embarrassment over not remembering part of a conversation, the headache the next morning, the self loathing for caving in, all the crap that goes along with a "good time". Now I remember it when I have a good time, and it doesn't cost as much either. I've thought about relapsing too, on certain occasions, but ended up talking myself out of it. I've noticed the changes in my body over 2 months and would hate to undo all that for a momentary buzz. I hope you can decide to skip it "just for today" I think you'll be proud of yourself.

ula

Still here, tried napping but couldn't. Making something to eat now.

tomsteve

ula, heres my take on it: you are already in a relapse. it will end with a drink if you let it happen.i am sure you know the outcome wont be good. you are suffereing from the craving, compulsion, and obsession. that is the disease of alcoholism telling you you dont have a disease, everythings allright, have that drink. it is a liar.
please dont let it control you. if you fight it, things will get better, but it takes footwork.
yer not pathetic! you are just sick.

dSober

Very glad to hear it Ula. Mangia!

Your alias and last post reminded me about the changes in my body FreeFall. Lots of scars from falling. But at 26 days, no fresh cuts :-)

InParticular

Ula, call your friend, tell her not to come. If you make it through this day without drinking you will feel like a champion, and feel stronger for the next time. YOU ARE WORTH IT.

Think back to 2 months ago, why you quit.

Play the tape through, think about drinking, being drunk, what will happen, then sobering up, going through the whole process of feeling like death and hating yourself again.

You've made it TWO MONTHS, that is amazing. Don't give up now!

dSober

Just noticed your location tomsteve. Heard about the U.P. while going to school in Ann Arbor many moons ago. Heard it's nice.

Go Blue!