Planned my relapse
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Of course you are welcome to come back, but I sure am sorry to see you go.
You still have time to reconsider.
To call your other friend, the one who will help you.
Best wishes to you, Ula.
You still have time to reconsider.
To call your other friend, the one who will help you.
Best wishes to you, Ula.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: North Jersey
Posts: 207
I did this the day before yesterday and got my ass handed to me by my alcoholism. I knew what I was doing and I told myself it would be ok, probably fun in fact; and while I tried to remind myself of all the bad things that happen when I drink, I also told myself that that really couldn't have been, it couldn't have been that bad, what's the harm, really. That was two days ago. I'm still sick and shaking. I've missed my second day of work. My job is not happy. I can barely hold food down and nothing takes away this headache.
All it did was remind me that I can't drink without lots of consequences. It's not worth it. When I'm in the throes of temptation I have to remind myself of the next day and how I'll feel about myself.
You like something about your sobriety or you wouldn't have come here. I know for me, I can't really keep taking for granted that sobriety will be here for me the next day and I can just get back on track. I drink until I black out. I could lose my job of 15 years. I feel like I'm really going off the rails.
Hope some of this helped in some way. Just wanted to share how things went when I did the same thing you're planning on doing.
I'd been treating the idea of a meeting as a chore to be avoided, but after the other day I actually can't wait to go later.
All it did was remind me that I can't drink without lots of consequences. It's not worth it. When I'm in the throes of temptation I have to remind myself of the next day and how I'll feel about myself.
You like something about your sobriety or you wouldn't have come here. I know for me, I can't really keep taking for granted that sobriety will be here for me the next day and I can just get back on track. I drink until I black out. I could lose my job of 15 years. I feel like I'm really going off the rails.
Hope some of this helped in some way. Just wanted to share how things went when I did the same thing you're planning on doing.
I'd been treating the idea of a meeting as a chore to be avoided, but after the other day I actually can't wait to go later.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 360
I remember planning a relapse like a month in advance, it was ridiculous, and I did end up going through with it, turned out to be a weekend binge of drugs and alcohol. The following week I went to a convention and while it was fun, there were times that I didn't really feel myself and just sort of moped around.
There has never been a single relapse that I'm glad I had, it just doesn't happen, and it's not what comes immediately after that's so bad, it's the lingering shame and disappointment that stick around for weeks. The longer I've been sober the more it hurts because it will take that much longer to get there again, and while people say the day count isn't so important I think that in a lot of ways it is. When you're sober for a long time your mind and body begin to heal, but if you keep cutting that short you're also cutting progress short, sure you still keep the knowledge of previous experiences, but the damage is still done, relapse helps nothing.
I've been where you are before, I've been on the dark side, had my car keys and wallet and on the way out the door to the liquor store and I've stopped myself and managed to think it through. That's like the bleeding edge right there, you can have the glass in your hand and still do the right thing and say no, it's never too late to come back. Look at all the posts here, there are plenty of "X years sober" posts, and there are also a lot of "I F---ed up, day one again" posts, go into those posts, no one is EVER glad about what they did, it doesn't matter if you say this will be the last time, "The last time" is in the future, and for addiction the future never comes, there is always going to be another next time.
There has never been a single relapse that I'm glad I had, it just doesn't happen, and it's not what comes immediately after that's so bad, it's the lingering shame and disappointment that stick around for weeks. The longer I've been sober the more it hurts because it will take that much longer to get there again, and while people say the day count isn't so important I think that in a lot of ways it is. When you're sober for a long time your mind and body begin to heal, but if you keep cutting that short you're also cutting progress short, sure you still keep the knowledge of previous experiences, but the damage is still done, relapse helps nothing.
I've been where you are before, I've been on the dark side, had my car keys and wallet and on the way out the door to the liquor store and I've stopped myself and managed to think it through. That's like the bleeding edge right there, you can have the glass in your hand and still do the right thing and say no, it's never too late to come back. Look at all the posts here, there are plenty of "X years sober" posts, and there are also a lot of "I F---ed up, day one again" posts, go into those posts, no one is EVER glad about what they did, it doesn't matter if you say this will be the last time, "The last time" is in the future, and for addiction the future never comes, there is always going to be another next time.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
It is unfortunate but until we get done drinking there is no recovery. I just pray that all those who are not ready to quit do not do unreversable damage to themselves or others.
The disease wants us dead but it also wants to take away everything we hold dear before it kills us
The disease wants us dead but it also wants to take away everything we hold dear before it kills us
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
The last time I thought like that, I ended up in intensive care with a BAC of .51 ...
I was always saying, "tomorrow" or "this is the last time." Of course, it never was. Looking back, I am incredulous that it took almost dying before I was willing to put the bottle down for good.
Please don't let this be you. We are good at convincing ourselves that it won't hurt "just this one time," but the reality is that the "last time" could really and truly BE the last time. Death is irreversible. I hope you will give all of the advice here some good thought. You do NOT have to drink today!!
I was always saying, "tomorrow" or "this is the last time." Of course, it never was. Looking back, I am incredulous that it took almost dying before I was willing to put the bottle down for good.
Please don't let this be you. We are good at convincing ourselves that it won't hurt "just this one time," but the reality is that the "last time" could really and truly BE the last time. Death is irreversible. I hope you will give all of the advice here some good thought. You do NOT have to drink today!!
Recovered from Hopeless State
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey, USA
Posts: 2,156
You're right MIRecovery, torture first, then death.
The good news is we CAN kill the monster if and when we want it bad enough.
I met a "kid", early 20's, in rehab once that had a checklist tatooed on his forearm:
-Jails
-Institutions
-Death
As you no doubt know, the list is from the Big Book. He had the first 2 checked off; been there, done that.
If I was into tatoos, I think I'd get the same one. Only I might add a few more items worse than the first 2. Lost friends, family, money... The list goes on and on.
The good news is we CAN kill the monster if and when we want it bad enough.
I met a "kid", early 20's, in rehab once that had a checklist tatooed on his forearm:
-Jails
-Institutions
-Death
As you no doubt know, the list is from the Big Book. He had the first 2 checked off; been there, done that.
If I was into tatoos, I think I'd get the same one. Only I might add a few more items worse than the first 2. Lost friends, family, money... The list goes on and on.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 23
Honestly, I appreciate everyone's input and stories. But, you guys are scaring the hell out of me. I've been told by doctors that if I don't quit I will die but it has a completely different effect coming from someone that's been through it. I realize what I'm doing here is dumb but I promised myself that today is the last day and I intend on keeping it that way. Once again thank you all for your continuing support.
Recovered from Hopeless State
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey, USA
Posts: 2,156
Thanks for the Mary Pickford quote Desertsong, I needed that.
I've been trying to get in the habit of thinkiing about the "signatures" at the bottom of posts. I know they're wise and in many cases there as a result of many years of experience dealing with this sickness.
I've been trying to get in the habit of thinkiing about the "signatures" at the bottom of posts. I know they're wise and in many cases there as a result of many years of experience dealing with this sickness.
Run to live... live to run
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Western Maryland
Posts: 1,091
what kind of friend brings vodka to someone who hasn't drank in 2 months? Seriously. If this person can't come sans vodka then they are just an enabler. They are someone who wants to drink with someone to make them feel better about theirself. You DON'T need to drink. You WILL regret it.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by ula 
Honestly, I appreciate everyone's input and stories. But, you guys are scaring the hell out of me. I've been told by doctors that if I don't quit I will die but it has a completely different effect coming from someone that's been through it. I realize what I'm doing here is dumb but I promised myself that today is the last day and I intend on keeping it that way. Once again thank you all for your continuing support.
One question, How may times have you promised yourself this is the last time? I know I made the same promise 100's of times, promised myself, promised my wife, promised my kids, promised God. Guess what? I did not keep the promise. It was not until I had almost killed myself that I came to the conclusion I would rather live than die. That was the jumping off point to a new life.
Sobriety is all about choices hope you make the right one.
Whiskey bottles, and brand new cars
Oak tree you're in my way
There's too much coke and too much smoke
Look what's going on inside you
Ooooh that smell
Can't you smell that smell
Ooooh that smell
The smell of death surrounds you
Angel of darkness is upon you
Stuck a needle in your arm
So take another toke, have a blow for your nose
One more drink fool, will drown you
Ooooh that smell
Can't you smell that smell
Ooooh that smell
The smell of death surrounds you
Now they call you Prince Charming
Can't speak a word when you're full of 'ludes
Say you'll be all right come tomorrow
But tomorrow might not be here for you
Ooooh that smell
Can't you smell that smell
Ooooh that smell
The smell of death surrounds you
Hey, you're a fool you
Stick them needles in your arm
I know I been there before
One little problem that confronts you
Got a monkey on your back
Just one more fix, Lord might do the trick
One hell of a price for you to get your kicks
Ooooh that smell
Can't you smell that smell
Ooooh that smell
The smell of death surrounds you
Ooooh that smell
Can't you smell that smell
Ooooh that smell
The smell of death surrounds you
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by ula
Honestly, I appreciate everyone's input and stories. But, you guys are scaring the hell out of me. I've been told by doctors that if I don't quit I will die but it has a completely different effect coming from someone that's been through it. I realize what I'm doing here is dumb but I promised myself that today is the last day and I intend on keeping it that way. Once again thank you all for your continuing support.
she proved them wrong. she did, however, prove them right that it would kill her.
i hope that you can come back and read the insanity of your posts.hopeully, you will want help to stop drinking and will be willing to do whatever it takes to get sober.
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