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The "Fun" Begins....

Old 09-13-2012, 02:32 AM
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The "Fun" Begins....

The "fun" begins...I knew it had to happen sometime.

Rehab last night...I spilled part of my "guts". I took up most of the 1st hour talking about myself.

I have held so much in for so many years that it was a big relief to get it out, however...now that part of "the cat is out of the bag", it's time for me to start working. This is the reason why I chose rehab...to unlock the doors in my mind that have held me captive for so long. I'm scared and nervous about it right now, but I know it's got to be done.

To make a long story short...After all I said in the group meeting...the counselor suggested I work on "resentment", Oh Man! Of all the things to work on first, (I told the couselor), "this one repells me, so it must mean it's what I need first". She said, "You got it!".
I recieved my treatment plan last night also...Working on the 12 Steps, thankfully I'm already working on that and somewhat familiar with the steps.

The past 12 days I have kept myself so busy just to keep myself from taking that first drink (also to keep me from feeling any pain) all the while knowing that the time would come when I would have to allow myself to feel it in order to overcome it, deal with it, let it go...Well that time is now. So, from here out I'll probably be crying on your cyber shoulders, .

I'm so glad you are all here! Thanks for all the support you have already given and for what more I know I'll recieve!!!

Laura
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Old 09-13-2012, 03:43 AM
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Face Everything And Recover. Hang in there it gets better
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Old 09-13-2012, 03:53 AM
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That's awesome...That's what they gave you as a treatment plan?....The steps?....I would hope they have someone there to assist you with that if you need it. I guess you are doing them as laid out in the Big Book....I studied that...But it was still really important for me to have a sponsor doing them...Ask about that. Good job to you for what you are doing...It takes a lot of courage and it is so worth it.
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Old 09-13-2012, 04:58 AM
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Yeah....I just want to clarify SunnyFlower...When I say I studied that....That was my treatment plan...Read the first 164 pages of the Big Book....I think I read that three times....Plus I had to watch a few videos and I attended some outside meetings there. I didn't do the steps till I got out and found a meeting I made my homegroup. It was close to my house and I had a sponsor and was working the steps my first week out. I guess if they would have asked me to work them in rehab and given me someone to assist me....I'd have been all over that.
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Old 09-13-2012, 05:18 AM
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Sapling,

The counselors tossed and turned over my treatment plan...before I spoke last night my group counselor told me that they weren't sure exactly what treatment plan to give me.
I'm guessing since I haven't been in trouble with the law, have no major anger issues, I checked myself in, I'm passive aggressive, etc... After revealing "my secrets", co-dependence, people pleasing, nonconfrontational, resentful self, she said they just may change my teatment plan to "Resentments".

I am half way there already with The 12 Step Program. They want me to go to meetings at least 2x a week (I am going to 3 or more), find a sponsor (I have one), Have a BB (got it, been reading it.) What I don't have is being able to identify the basics of the 12 steps and practice these on a daily basis. I agree with you, I need my sponsor to help me with these...unfortunately she is on vacation for another week.

When I first started going to AA the 12 Steps, overwhelmed me, especially the Spiritual Aspects of it. Alot of my resentments and issues come from a religious nature. I believe in a HP, but I have to get to know him all over again and in a way I never knew him before. There was a time when I believed I was serving him...But as it turned out I was only serving people, trying to please them, (thinking I was pleasing God also) I lost my relationship with my HP in the process.

For me the 12 steps are going to be a long process, and I'm willing to accept it. But alot of issues have to be worked thru before I can MASTER many of them.

In my desperation to remain sober, I am determined to do what I have to do. I already know it's going to be tough, (I knew it when I began), I'm ready to take my medication even if I don't like the way it's going to taste I'm just grateful I can come here to weep and mourn when I need to.
Thank you again!
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Old 09-13-2012, 05:35 AM
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Originally Posted by SunnyFlower View Post
What I don't have is being able to identify the basics of the 12 steps and practice these on a daily basis. I agree with you, I need my sponsor to help me with these...unfortunately she is on vacation for another week.
I posted this on a thread in the Alcoholism forum....I'll post it for you....I like it because it's so fricken simple.

I've Never Quit Being Active
by Clarence Snyder
A.A. Grapevine, November 1999

On February 11, 1938, I had my last drink. I was a chronic alky, and through a long, involved miracle, I met my sponsor, Dr. Bob, one of our co-founders. He put me in Akron City Hospital, where I met the alkies who had preceded me in the Fellowship.

Fifteen months later, I organized the Cleveland, Ohio AA group. The activity in the Cleveland area was hectic. I spent practically all my time obtaining and following up on publicity for AA, lining up cooperation with civic and church groups, hospitals, and courts, and helping new groups to start.

So what do I do now, thirty years later? I have never quit being active, although my position in the Fellowship has modified over the years. I attend an average of two meetings per week, when I am home. I am also asked to speak at various groups. In addition, I am invited to take part in numerous group anniversary programs and AA roundups around the country (and sometimes out of the country). Many people call upon me for counsel and advice on both personal and group problems. I have an extensive correspondence, since I have made so many friends in AA from coast to coast. Once in a while, I sponsor someone. Cases where about everything has been tried, by everyone else, often wind up in my hands.

I have not found the program to be difficult, and I maintain that if it does seem difficult for anyone, he is not doing it "right." Certainly, when I came to this Fellowship, I was in no position or condition to handle anything difficult! I kept things simple. But I must add that when I first began I was well sponsored.

I took measures now summarized in the first nine Steps of the program: admittance of need (the First Step), surrender (Second through Seventh), and restitution (Eighth and Ninth). Having done this, I no longer had a drinking problem, since it had been turned over to a Higher Power. Now I had - and still have - a living problem. But that is taken care of by the practice of Steps Ten, Eleven, and Twelve. So I don't have to be concerned about anything but a simple three-step program, which with practice has become habitual.

Step Ten enables me to check on myself and my activities of the day. I have found that most things disturbing me are little things, but still the very things which, if not dealt with, can pile up and eventually overwhelm me. My daily checkup covers good deeds as well as questionable ones; often, I find I can commend myself in some areas, while in others I owe apologies.

Step Eleven is done after my daily inventory. I usually need the peace resulting from prayer and meditation, and I do receive guidance for my life and actions.

Step Twelve, to me, does involve not only carrying the message, but extending AA principles into all phases of my daily life.

I learned long ago that this is a life-changing program, but that, after the change occurs, it is necessary for me to go on making the effort to improve myself mentally, morally, and spiritually.

This is my simple program, and I recommend it to anyone who wants a good life and is willing to do his share of helping.

C.H.S., St. Petersburg, Florida __________________
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Old 09-13-2012, 08:45 AM
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At work right now, will read it slowly and meditate on this at home Thank you!
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Old 09-13-2012, 08:49 AM
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You rock!!!! Keep posting, stay strong, and know we are all here to cheer you on and listen day or night.
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Old 09-13-2012, 08:50 AM
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Originally Posted by SunnyFlower View Post

But alot of issues have to be worked thru before I can MASTER many of them.
From 1st Edition of the Big Book:

Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.
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Old 09-14-2012, 01:52 AM
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Sapling,

I am so new to SR I haven't figured out yet all the uses of this site. Is there a way I can save this post? ( I am computer illiterate )

Your last post really does seem to simplify the 12 Steps. I need simplicity, as I have the tendency to do everything the hard way. I appreciate so much your support, encouragement, and info..

Since Monday nights purging of my thoughts and feelings at Rehab, I have been in a state of numbness. I think because the things that freely came out of my mouth had been trapped inside so long, I myself have had to comprehend it all. I have kept inside of me secrets for so long...that I actually feel guilty for publically declaring them.

I've been feeling overwhemed, knowing that tonight I have to expose more of myself by going over my "timeline". (Whew! What another eye opener!) In my mind I've been trying to figure out how to tell this part of my story, without having to share that part of my story...I don't want to expose to much you know. LOL!

Thankfully, I awoke this morning feeling better, knowing that I won't recover if I don't just lay it all out on the floor. This is where the hard part begins, releasing my emotional pains.

I am ready for another 24 hr day of sobriety.
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Old 09-14-2012, 02:37 AM
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What is the plan to "work" on those resentments? For me, it was the 4th and 5th steps of AA. With the help of a knowledgeable sponsor. Another way to view "resentments" is to work on the selfishness involved in it. That, for me, required the help of a sponsor.

I wish you well in your healing!
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Old 09-14-2012, 02:58 AM
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You can just write down this website...It's on here and there is a lot of other great AA stuff you should check out on it when you have time.

Index of AA History Pages

It's barefootsworld.net/aahistory.html

It's great to let all that stuff out...That's what our fourth and fifth steps are about....Very freeing process. We do our fifth step with someone we trust....Our sponsor...Or a clergyman....Or anyone you trust. I used my sponsor because I trusted him with my life....He was volunteering his time to save mine. But letting all that out is wonderful....Helps take away what is blocking us from good. How much you say in front of the group is up to you. Did you ask them if someone is sponsoring you there?...It would be a great question to ask a sponsor....How much do I share?....Anyway...You're doing great...Keep at it. And keep it simple.
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