freshstart57

By Jove, I think he's got it! (rain in Spain, plain, etc).

But seriously, it is very simple, and whether it is easy is up to you. If your vow to never drink again is a solemn serious one, then this can be a pretty quick proposition. Think of this - those feelings of guilt, shame, anxiety, depression, and all that stuff that we addicts do, that can all be behind you. The things that sober people have? You can have them too.

I wish you the best, Jack, and keep posting, OK?

HitTheRoadJack

I appreciate the words from all of you. I need to ask something and I really hope it doesn't chnge what any of you think of me.

I realised I needed to change because I got drunk recently and cheate on my girlfriend. This is the woman I want to marry, and I haven't loved anyone like I love her. But I made this terrible mistake and I'm not sure what I can do other than to change. She may not forgive me and this may be the end of us, but I'm still going to get better, for me.

Things didn't feel right in the relationship for a while and I know we both felt that way. The truth is, we didn't talk enough. But I'd got the idea in my head that maybe she was falling out of love with me. So when we went out for a birthday and I drank way too much, the thought process went from worry, to anger, to making that decision in a heartbeat. I would never do anything like this sober but that doesn't change the fact that what happened, happened.

Can anyone relate? Does anyone have any advice on how I can apologise, meaningfully for what I did? Can non-alcoholics understand what happens to us when we drink? I'm not asking for a solution, I only want to know how I can apologise for letting the drink drive me to hurting someone that much.

Thanks again to all of you.

freshstart57

Yikes! That is a tough question, so dependent on you and your SO, on your relationship, on your communication, on your history together.

I have not been where you are right now, but through no great personal quality of my own. I will suggest the following:

1. Take full responsibility for your actions. Include the impact your actions have on others, and the impact your rotten decision has had on her.
2. Beg for forgiveness, and make it contingent on never drinking again. Ever.
3. Vow to never drink again. Ever.
4. Vow to never do such a stupid thing ever again. Ever.
5. Never drink again. Ever.

Whether she decides to stay with you or not, those actions still need to happen. I wish you the best.

Hevyn

Such an interesting question - 'Can non-alcoholics understand what happens to us when we drink?' I don't think they truly can.

I've been on both sides of this thing. When my marriage was breaking up, many years ago, I was convinced my husband didn't love me and was miserable in our relationship. He'd been drinking since he was 15 & was deep into his addiction. Once I had given up on him & left, he seemed astonished. He told me how much he loved me & that I'd misunderstood, etc. Only when I became addicted myself did I understand that he probably hadn't meant any of the hateful things he'd said. My own behavior proved that we can do unbelievable things while under the influence. I had to be a drinker myself, though, to see this. So - I don't know Jack.

HitTheRoadJack

I've tried explaining things as best I can. I don't know if she'll ever understand, but I've taken responsibility and all I can do now is see this through. I won't let the devil laugh in my ear any more. I won't give in, because I don't need alcohol to be happy. I only need it if I want to be miserable.

cheese1

The bit about needing alcohol to be miserable really struck a chord to me, good luck, we can both do this, plus think of all the extra money we will have lol

HitTheRoadJack

That's one of the best things to think. Not only does it burn a huge hole in our lives, but a huge hole in our wallets too!

I can't wait to start spending my money on things that aren't going to bring me regrets and doubts - thing that make me happier!

cheese1

Ive not bought any new cllothes in a ages as any money i had, went on booze, hopefully by christmas ill have all new clothes

Auvers

The best way to work things out is to work on your own problem with alcohol. It is not possible to work on other problems until the primary problem is faced head on. Your drinking is the issue. Get sober, stay sober and other matters will fall in place. She may or may not have enough love and patience and trust in you when you are on the sobriety road, but without being on that journey of sobriety all you have is a steady progression of worsening problems. It is simply amazing what a couple of months sober has done for me. Stay strong, see a doctor for advice about detox if you think it could be needed.

Mizzuno

Wecome! I hope you find this site as helpful as I have. There are many many good people here with experience and words of encouragement. Stick around.

HitTheRoadJack

Thank you for the encouragement. I've never been more determined and I know I can do this. We all can.

HitTheRoadJack

Hello again everyone. It's day two and thankfully right now I've managed to keep my mind off it all day. I also realised something important: making changes within my lifestyle. I decided to sell my games consoles for now. I thought I was using them for entertainment but it ws really just a retreat into fantasy to escape the issues of reality. I think I'll use the money to buy something that gets me out. Like an electric skateboard, that would be pretty fun I think. I hope everyone i doing well and managing to stay strong.

Hope4Life

Thanks for checking in... I have been hoping you would. You are doing GREAT!

A change of behavoir can be a great way to reinforce your determination for sobriety. The skateboard sounds fun (and dangerous... but I'm 54!).... how about something that would give you more physical exercise. A bicycle, a pair of Hiking Boots and a Camelbak, A Tennis raquet or even a membership at the Gym?

I know that I cant wait for my foot to heal so I can get out and sweat!

Keep it up and keep us posted.

HitTheRoadJack

Well I have to keep my mind off the relationship. Things aren't looking too good and there' nothing I can imagine that ould take my mind off it more than whizzing around my area on a board at 30 miles an hour... well maybe not at first but someday soon.

But the whole torment of knowing what I've done to my relationship really got to me earlier. I completely broke down, I lhed out and destroyed my phone and for a few minutes all I could think about was drinking to forget.

But then I literally pulled this face:

and I thought to myself, I'm not letting it back in. It's that temptation, that lack of control that put me in this situation in the first place. I'm stronger than that. I can say no. So I cried for a bit, let it out, and then I made a cup of coffee. I'm feeling a lot better right now.

I know there will be similar times in the future, but I know I have everyone here, and myself, to remind me that things don't have to be this way. I hope these thought help everyone here as much s they're helping me!

HitTheRoadJack

I've got something to share with everyone.

One of my friends popped round earlier and just left. He wanted to see how I am and he didn't know I'd vowed to stop drinking. So he brought round 12 cans of beer. I saw them and my heart completely sank. I thought that was it after just two days. He offered me one, but then I thought of all of you, and my potential, and my vow. And I said no.

He's just left and I am sitting here typing this, completely sober. I'm so excited and proud of myself I could honestly burst.

Today I've won against the devil's temptation. I do have the strength, we all do. Just taking it one day at a time.

Hevyn

Getting over those hurdles is so empowering. You can do this.

Hope4Life

Congratulations Jack, this is FANTASTIC news! A victory over the beast!

That feeling of pride will grow as the days add up. I am celebrating my first month sober in at least 35 years and it feels REALLY good.

Keep going one day at a time and before you know you will celebrating your first month as well.

HitTheRoadJack

Congratulations! Your words, all of you, your support, makes me feel like I can do this!

HitTheRoadJack

Hello again everyone.

Day three and I'm still fighting, and winning. I had a bit of difficulty this morning, the thought of never drinking again seemed impossible. Then I remembered: Win today, find the strength to win again tomorrow. It helped. I'm also keeping a journal of my thoughts throughout the start of my sobriety, I read on here in a post that getting the words out to another medium helps, and it really does.

Does anyone here have an experience of living with an alcoholic parent while trying to recover? My Mother is 52 and has been addicted since I can remember. She is diabetic and so she cnnot binge drink, but she drinks every night until she is half cut. Some days she finds the courage to say no, he has been to many AA meetings over the years but unfortunately she hasn't been able to stop yet. It doesn't help that her partner drinks every night too, but he is not addicted to it. He is a nice bloke, but he doesn't really show the support she needs to quit. This has lead to a bit of resentment between them and they have been fighting more and more. It's the hardest thing to see and hear two people obviously drinking in what is supposed to be your sanctuary. I sit tight in my room, because I can't stand seeing my Mum drunk. I've never been able to. It makes me angry and irritable, and I just want her to leave me alone when she's been drinking because it sends a chill down my spine. I've been this way since before I even started drinking and it's another reason I want to stop for good.

freshstart57

HitTheRoadJack, I remember that feeling too, that wave of relief, that feeling of pride in myself again, the return of self respect, that feeling of power. It truly is life changing experience. You chose certain phrases that tell me that you are on your way:Here is a thought you might not have considered yet. You are showing the way to achieve sobriety for so many that haven't yet come to your understanding. Please keep posting for this reason, Jack, other people will get sober by following you. Fabulous. Congratulations on your achievement!