HitTheRoadJack

I didn't think of it that way.

Thank you and bless you for pointing that out. The responsibility we have to each other is as important as the responsibility we hold to ourselves to keep on fighting. We can never disappoint each other, only help those who trip and fall along the way to get back on their feet and walk with us into a better way of life.

I realised today that every time we win, for every victory big or small, we each channel the Hero in our soul, and we have a responsibility never to let that Hero perish.

HitTheRoadJack

I hope someone out there is reading this, I'm really lost right now.

I spoke to my Mum and with all the things happening to her lately involving her drinking, and seeing me make the decision she has decided to seek help and get a detoxing. But she spoke to me and said if things work out between me and my partner, then we need to seriously think about getting our own place, and even if not I need to think about moving out by myself. I don't earn much, and rent prices just keep growing even though they are already unaffordably high. I simply can't afford to sustain it on my own. My work, a freight forwarding company that I have worked at for two and a half years is where I met a very close friend who also happens to be the company chairman. Last year I left, to try my hand at writing a comic book. It's my passion and I am still writing, but earlier this year my computer broke down, and so he offered me part time work at the place so I could earn money and keep up my passion until I have something ready to publish. He even offered to lend me the money for the printing cost when it's ready. Since then I've been juggling my work, home, comic, social life and love life and felt like there just wasn't enough time. Today t work they asked me if I would be open to working in their American branch based in Boston. It's recently new and they need some help. But it could be for as long as a year. I am interested but terrified because I've never been abroad by myself. Out there I'll have no one.
All this feels like everything in my life is pushing me towrds ultamatums that I need to make now, and I'm trying so hard to hold it together that I barely have a chance to cry over the fact that in the past 5 days, my entire life has fallen apart. I'm really trying to resist the thought of downing it all, but I just don't know what to do. I feel lost and scared.

Hope4Life

Wow, the Co. Chairman is offering you a full time job!! That is AWESOME! Obviously, he has a lot of confidence in you and you should feel a huge amount of pride that he would offer you that position. Even if you decide not to take it... this is a very positive thing!

Moving to a different country would be an adventure and give you a completely different perspective on life. Its only a 1 year assignment but who knows...if everything goes well, this could turn into your chance of a lifetime.

Consider this carefully Jack, it could be your new start.

Dont be lost my friend, be PROUD!

HitTheRoadJack

That is a better way of looking at it, thank you. I don't suppose you've ever been there? Because I have no idea what to expect... America is such a huge country and it's just intimidating to think that I'll be out there on my own at first

betterdayz86

Like they say time will heal.. Dont beat yourself up about past mistakes (easier said than done) and focus on today. I can totally relate to you jack! I was an alcoholic from ages 16-22 and in just that time I managed to lose my job, effected a lot of close relationships that were very dear to me.. Ended up getting 2 Dui's here in the US in kentucky and have paid for it the past 3 years.. I have the hardest time landing a job due to my record, I have defaulted on my student loan just WRAPPED up in debt.. And as in my case I lost the girl of 8 and a half years because of my spiral downfall! I hope you can work things out with your lady and come to an understanding!! Its gonna take some work.. But with will power and the willingness to work through this addiction will take you to so many better places!! Best of luck to you brother! you are not alone.. im sure everyone can relate to that situation in one way or another.. Thanks for sharing.. It really does help to come out and just talk about the problems you (we) keep bottled up, and I found that helpful just being a new member as of today.

Grace2

Welcome Jack

I'm from the U.K too. I'm glad your confronting your drinking problems at such a young age. It's really good that you are taking responsibility for your actions now.

I am 58 and have too many regrets that I am really sad about, but it's never too late. I'm currently on day 4 and looking forward to being on day 104!

I've hurt my family and my other half and myself too many times. I've said sorry too many times and not kept my promises. My sorries mean nothing, so I am going for the 'Actions speak better than words' approach.

You can beat this and come out at the other end a much better person like I'm going to do. Keep posting, as often as you can and the main thing is, I think, to be honest with yourself.

Big hugs

Gxx

HitTheRoadJack

Thank you very much fo your kind words Grace. They mean so much to me - so here are some for you. You may be 58 and have regrets, but you've chosen the right way and no matter how hard it gets, just remember that every single one of us, including you has an inner strength we can tap into when we need it most. It's as simple as believing it's there, that you have the choice and that the power is yours. You may have caught me at a bit of a low point with everything I'm trying to deal with today, but your post has just provided me with more strength to win, to take the risks that could mean a world of change for the better. As long as you know that strength is there, nothing can stop you from doing what you choose to do. We are, each of us, Heroes to ourselves.

artsoul

It's understandable that you're feeling a bit overwhelmed - wow, so much is going on in your life right now! Remember that your sobriety comes first and that every day sober is a victory. I like what you said to Grace: As you think about whether you want to take the job or not, write down the pros and cons as well as your feelings and fears. Remember that the unknown is always scary because we're looking at so many things at once. If you break it down into small bites, though, it becomes more doable (like one day at a time).

Stay in the moment, stay sober, be good to yourself......

(p.s. America isn't all that scary, really)

llastchance8

Most of us have done crazy things under the influence. Things like, picking on the old issues and fight with wife , sending nasty mails to bosses , posting crazy things on social media networks , sending emotional messages to ex girl friend and putting her in trouble with her husband, ,calling relatives and talking to them bluntly........ Above all , wasting health , money and career growth ..... list is end less. We can not think of doing such things , when sober. Alcohol is evil , my friend .. In your case, we admire your courage and your decision to quit.. Welcome to SR. You have landed at the right place .. Best of Luck

Hevyn

Jack, It really is something to be proud of. It's wonderful they hold you in such high regard. I hope they gave you plenty of time to consider the offer, though. I love to travel, but it's a little different when (as you said) it would just be you making the trip. I think if you were from a small town in England, Boston would be a big adjustment - but since you live in London, you'd probably not find it intimidating.

Auvers

Jack, I have read all your posts and you have some awesome insight, kindness abounds and you have a lot of strength to build your life around. I am sure you will be able to make Decisions that will work for you. Every day alcohol free brings less anxiety and better judgment.

HitTheRoadJack

Thank you. I know that it's a positive cycle, get the ball rolling, keep it rolling. Believe in yourself, that you have the strength and you will grow more and more resilient.

HitTheRoadJack

I've decided not to take the trip. It's as soon as mid september and I think I'm ready to be alone in a new place in my current state of mind. After all, it must be remembered that I took my vow on Sunday. It's too soon. I have to remember that recovering is as much overcoming adversity as it is recognising the struggles that are too great to conquer right now. If I went, the isolation and loneliness would prove to much to handle, and that might lead me to a bad decision.

After all, the attitude of thinking I could handle anything was what brought me here. But even with this, I am proud that I realised that I will grow stronger by admitting I am not strong enough for this right now. People can say it's a once in a lifetime opportunity, but to me, my sobriety will bring me all the opportunitie I could ever desire.

Does anyone agree or disagree? I value all of your input, we are all as strong, kind and wise as each other.

Hope4Life

Your sobriety is the most important thing and plenty of other opportunities will present themselves in time. Since you will be looking for your own place, maybe you could go back to work full time and work on the comic book in the evenings, in order to have enough $.

You are lucky to still have your Mom and staying near her is a good idea. Do you have other siblings in the area?

Stay Focused... you are winning.

HitTheRoadJack

Good afternoon everyone! I hope everyone is ok. I have had a good day today, the beast hadn't crossed my mind all day until I came home and saw a beer in the fridge. As I looked at it I thought about what would happen if I drank it. I thought about how it would affect me, and that, just that one is all it takes to ruin a person's life. The things it does to people... it doesn't even deserve my attention. I chose a better path. I value my intelligence, and alcohol mkes me stupid. I value my personality, and alcohol makes me hate myself. I value my dignity, and alcohol makes a fool of me. The logical choice, the only choice, is to let less enlightened beings drink from the devil's cup, and be there to extend my hand in help when they are inevitably betrayed by the beast. The world can be dark, but that's not anything to fear, because darkness always has coward away in the presence of light. And our brightest light is the strength, the constitution and the kindness that we carry in ourselves.

I hope you have all had a great day

Hevyn

Jack, I think you made a wise decision. It's enough of a job to get yourself well and healthy again. I was a bit fragile in my early days of recovery. A challenge like that might be too much at this point.

Happy to hear you had a good day. They'll keep on getting better.

HitTheRoadJack

Good morning everyone.
The mornings are getting easier and easier, just by logging on, reading, and writing. I'm strting to feel not like someone who's quit alcohol, but someone completely different who doesn't need alcohol. Tonight I'm going to an AA meeting with my Mum for the first time in over a year. I am committed to this now, and I feel my pride and strength and everyone here encouraging me to go further and further along this path of redemption and happiness. I won't turn back this time, because my decision has started a chain reaction within the household. My Mum wants to quit and now, we can support eachother. I've never been so proud of myself.

My love to you all, who have shown me the kindness and strength that we each have, I hope you all have a fantastic day.

Jack

Applecrumble

Well done for getting to this stage! Stay tough against the booze.

Auvers

Great you are doing so well.

HitTheRoadJack

So I went to the AA meeting and it was fantastic!

I was apprehensive at first. I always perceived AA as a religion, something I've always avoided. But I went, with my Mum, and listened. After hearing stories from different people similar to mine, I shared. They were all so happy that I've taken this step at this young an age, and my Mum, who wasn't going to share (she was more nervous than me - she has been going on and off for 15 years), shared after seeing me do it.

I am so happy, I feel like I've found my place in life, my purpose.People approached me after the meeting to congratulate me on making this decision, on being stronger than ever before and on defeating the beast, one day at a time.

It's a friday night, the weekend after payday and I am completely SOBER! And HAPPY for it! Right now, I am filled with confidence and hope. One day at a time, growing stronger and stronger along the way. That's what it's about. That's my religion, and I learned it here, and at AA. I couldn't be more proud of myself. And tomorrow, I will find the strength to do it again!

Carving out the right path for six days and counting.

Jack