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Old 03-13-2012, 10:56 AM   #1 (permalink)
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My mind is trying to justify moderation


I have been sober for almost 4 months now and I am meeting with some friends who drink tomorrow. This will be my first time with these particular friends since being sober. They will be drinking and my mind has been trying to convince me that I can just have two beers. But I have tried this before and it has never worked nor do I think it will ever work in my future.

As a binge drinker, I am not able to stop my drinking after 1 or 2. Because I am training for a half marathon, I will be using that as my reason for not drinking. I just wanted to share and post and get this out of my head. Any advice is appreciated.

Thank you
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Old 03-13-2012, 11:01 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Don't listen to your friend and don't trust your urges. They both will bring you down. Be strong!
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Old 03-13-2012, 11:04 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Moderation is just torture, seed planted ,want and crave more, obsession and dark thoughts all begin, well for me anyway.

Sober is so cool.
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Old 03-13-2012, 11:10 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Once I started to feel the beginnings of a buzz.....the LAST thing I'd ever want to do is stop or slow down. That's drinking in moderation.

MY version of "moderation" went something like: drink till I'm blasted yet find a way to moderate the damage. Those two never go together though.

To me, drinking in moderation is like having sex and stopping riiiiiiiiight before the "big moment".....and walking away. What fun is that?
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Old 03-13-2012, 11:16 AM   #5 (permalink)
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What's the point of 1 or 2? If you're completely honest w/yourself, you want to get smashed, right? I did anyway. A couple is just a tease of the " real" buzz you can have.
Don't go there. It is AWFUL.
Don't lie to yourself.
You can have fun w/ your friend w/ out a drink. You'll be doing your body a favor for your marathon. Good luck.
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Old 03-13-2012, 11:17 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Since you have identified beforehand that your alcoholic brain wants to sabotage your sobriety, why don't you cancel tomorrow? It's ok to put yourself first & change plans . Very best wishes & please take care. You know you're in the danger zone. Think how hard you've worked to be sober.
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Old 03-13-2012, 11:23 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Hopefully your friends will support you, and if not, maybe you should remove yourself from the situation.

I have received a warm reception from some friends, offering lots of fizzy water.
Others, just stopped calling once they found out I was not drinking.

Some of the changes may hurt now, but will be for the best in the long run.
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Old 03-13-2012, 11:53 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Don't do it! I'm about as far along as you are... a bit over four months... and I have had these tempting thoughts and hard struggles and it's just not fun. If I'm not in a mindset where I feel great about being sober and definitely don't want to drink, then I am just not going. (This is my new rule, after being frustrated way too many times.) It's not worth the torture. Whenever I think I want one or two, I realize that what I'm really wanting is 1) to be a "normal" drinker, which is not possible for me!, or 2) to get drunk without consequences, which is also not possible for me! So I just remind myself that I am who I am and accept it, and stay away from the temptation, or do whatever possible to NOT drink-- come on SR and post, call a friend from AA etc. Good luck. Stay strong.
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Old 03-13-2012, 12:18 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Do you know how many times I did that over the last 20 or more years .
Do you want to start counting the days all over again and you've got to to be honest to yourself.
I'm on day 9 and this time I'm physically unwell I wasn't the first time I went for just a couple and the regret is too upsetting to contemplate.
Try the hey guys guess who's managed not to drink bet you didn't think I could then keep on the up .
Wake up very happy with that challenge and know you can do it again with out a beer.
John
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Old 03-13-2012, 12:32 PM   #10 (permalink)
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I know these thoughts all too well. Maybe you might be able to get through tomorrow with just having 2 beers but this just plants the seed that and tells you...."well i had 2 the other night and managed to stop, why not have a couple tonight" We all know its a slippery slope from there. 2 beers are not worth your 4 months soberiety. Stay strong!
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Old 03-13-2012, 12:49 PM   #11 (permalink)
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If you find yourself paying too close attention to their drinks (number, sip frequency, amounts left, if it's a drink you've had or not, if they are about to take another sip now or not, speed of consumption, marks the drinks leave of the table, things people at other tables order, if their drinks are made well or not, the line of pretty bottles behind the bar) that's a red flag, and it's time to take care of something somewhere else.

If you hang out and enjoy their company and hardly notice the booze and are cautious about which safe drink is yours then a good time will be had by all.
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Old 03-13-2012, 01:19 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Did you know that it is ok not to meet
with this friend? It's ok. Why, you ask.
Because taking care of you in early
recovery is extremely important.

Like me, my recovery is that important
to me and I will go to any lengths to
protect it even if it means not to place
myself in a situation that will tempt me
to pick up a drink.

I have learned that my will doesnt work
and i have no defense against that first
drink if placed in front of me.

A program of recovery of steps and principles
to guide me thru each days without drinking
has been a blessing especially for the past
21 yrs.
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Old 03-13-2012, 02:19 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Once the craving is set off with drinking it is like a fire catching hold and I am gone. If you have not done so I suggest checking out AVRT(rational recovery) or SMART for how to respond to these types of thoughts.

The bottom line is they are only thoughts, what you do , with your amount of sober time, is up to you.
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Old 03-13-2012, 02:35 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Even if u can moderate to 2 tomorrow, the alcy brain will get soooooo much stronger and start telling u u can do it all the time and u might once or twice but the obsession will start again which is soooooo time consuming/boring. Then theres a big change you'll be back to where u started in no time. My therapist used this saying, That voice and our addiction is like a stray cat, u keep feeding it, it'll keep coming back.
All the best, let us know how u go
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Old 03-13-2012, 02:38 PM   #15 (permalink)
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My # 1 rule in early recovery was don't hang out with the old playmates, in old play grounds, with the old play toys. I hung out with people who were not using. I found a program that worked for me (NA). You can do this if you want it bad enough. Just go through what you have to go through to get to the other side of this problem. People here at SR will give you all of the support that you need. Hope this helps. Logo
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Old 03-13-2012, 02:41 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Alcoholism is a disease of denial...as "they" say...its the only disease that tells you you dont have it. Be careful...4 months is alot to lose.

I wish you one more day of sobriety.
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Old 03-13-2012, 02:43 PM   #17 (permalink)
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My mind always tries to tell me that 'this time it will be different, and this is how I can be successful this time"
The result is always the same, --Pain
For me, and I can only speak for me, there is no moderation once the first drink hits.
It's not the caboose of the train that kills you, it's the Engine. It's not the 28th drink that gets you into trouble, it's the first drink.
A wise man has many advisers-call somebody-tell on the mind.
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Old 03-13-2012, 02:44 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Oh and u could scare yourself by thinking thoughts like this....

What if I can't keep it to 2? My tolerance would be so low now I'd probably be pissed on 2, the I'll have no control over what I do, then I'll have 5 and could be in real trouble, ruin all my training....blah blah...

I do this because once I had 4 weeks sober and decided I could have a night on the booze and after only 1 bottle of wine I couldn't even remember getting home (the worst blackout ever) and was hungover all the next day. When I was drinking daily 1 bottle of wine was nothing to me. I couldn't believe how quickly my tolerance had dropped. Those thoughts totally suck but I wouldn't do it! 4 months is so good to risk damaging how far you've come.
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Old 03-13-2012, 02:52 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Read what you wrote..... Your mind is trying to say you can have just 2 beers. But you also said once you start drinking you can't stop. You already know what will happen if you try to moderate.... Don't throw away 4 months.
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Old 03-13-2012, 02:58 PM   #20 (permalink)
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I've only got a week right now so take this with a grain of salt.

The whole meeting sounds like a bad idea to me. Why expose yourself to a situation where the main activity is going to be drinking when you don't drink? If they're really your friends, they'll be fine with doing an alternative activity like going out to dinner or something.

As far as the mind tricks, that'll happen. I've convinced myself dozens of times that I could moderate alcohol or cannabis. Each time I've tried, I get one of two results:

1) I moderate my intake for a few days or weeks but eventually end up drinking to oblivion again.

2) I come right out of the bullpen swinging for the fence and get plastered.

Result 1 is very dangerous for obvious reasons. If it were me, I'd suggest an alternative and if they decline, I'd conclude they're not my friends and move on.

Good luck with your decision.
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