InParticular

Thank you Dee. You nipped my av in the bud there.

Robbie86

Thanks Dee , this lying beast has tried numerous times to trick me with that one . Nine times out of ten though , I drink till I am drunk . Thanks for your message .

ReadyAndAble

Want to know the worst thing that could happen if I drank?

Nothing.

Because if nothing happens, it reinforces the illusion of control.

Robbie86

I like that one .

PaperDolls

I have to agree Dee and it's possible you've been reading my mind!

Every time I "successfully" moderated/controlled my drinking it convinced me that I could do it always. Never mind the 50 to 1 ratio of blackouts to a few drinks. I lived in my own little pretend world.

Until I came to terms with reality, I didn't see that drinking was killing me. I had to get to that point so that I could gain the willingness to recover.

bozboz

^
Completely in agreement. Well said.

Nirvana1

When you play the tape forward, the people slipping but "catching" themselves usually end up moderating all the way back to their old ways. A cunning part of alcohol is that we can sometimes have a normal drinking night. Then that night is used forever as the fact that we are "normal" drinkers.

If you went back and read every single post of someone who slips, guess what there next recovery post is most likely about? You guessed it - there isn't one.

eJoshua

I'm glad you said something, Dee. This has been making me concerned lately.

littlefish

I'll add myself to the list of those who thank you for that post Dee.
I was not the type of alcoholic that walked away from the last drink and stayed away. I dragged myself through a miserable period of relapsing that included the classic attempt at controlled drinking or just plain giving up and giving in to alcohol.

What I learned during that period was that: sure I could have 3 beers in 3 hour period. What I didn't expect was the mental obsession that would be triggered by that. I found myself thinking and planning the next 3 beers the following day, all day long.
It got to the point where the mental obsession was driving me just as insane as the drinking itself.

WhoDey

That is what I too have discovered. If I had control over alcohol, why the obsession in planning and anticipating the next drink? I love coffee, but I don't obsess about that next cup.

Thinking about "at least I didn't get drunk", for me it's akin to having an accident. Say I took a slip on some ice and banged up my knee. I might say, "at least I didn't break a bone!" True, but having a banged up knee isn't my desired state either.

CamilleBelle

I will be honest, im one of the ones that posted recently about drinking without getting drunk. It frusrtates me that people who post on here about going on a bender after 10 days sober get nothing but support about just try it again, but those of us who may just be taking a different road to getting to sobrity get somewhat lectured. I know I have a problem and know I will quit, but im 27, and am just trying to figure out how to live that life. I will think twice before posting what Im feeling next time, or maybe just use this site as a resource from a distance rather than being involved. I know im ranting, but I opened up on here about a lot and am now second guessing that decision. Whether or not someone drinks till they blackout, or has a beer or whatever, if they're on this site, they are here for a reason and should be supported as long as they want the help... My opinion at least.

BigJim

Don't let it get you down Camille. Everyone's path is different and anyone giving you a hard time about how yours is going should take a second to think about how destructive that can be. Many don't have the ability to stop after a drink, I know I sure didn't, and it's possible they resent you being able to do something that they cannot. There are also many here who have tried to moderate and had it lead back down to the darkness and they are concerned the same may happen with you. Either way, please understand that everyone here is in the same boat. We have a problem and we're doing what we can to conquer it. Good luck in your journey and I hope all are able to catch themselves if they should slip.

Zencat

True there many paths to sobriety. What works for one may not work for the other.

There is 'harm reduction' that works to reduce drinking to the point of abstinence. It worked for me one time after coming off a relapse. Since then my attitude has changed where going 'cold turkey' is best for me after a relapse.

There is going to be a conflict of ways people recover. The conflict needs not to be a hindrance when the goal is to encourage people in recovery to recover with compassion.

least

I can't count how many times I 'only had a few' glasses of wine and was proud of myself for not getting 'drunk'... What a load of BS. Glad I don't drink at all now, so much easier to not drink a drop than to try to 'control' my drinking...

james27

Excellent post. The attitude that you described has summed up the past 3 years of my drinking, and, in reality, these years, despite the many times I drank "like a gentleman", produced the most severe consequences.

soberjim

CamilleBelle... I only been here posting for several days and find the support very helpful. We all have are own journey and stuggles.
I am surprised by how many of these strugles are so similar to my own and am hopeful when I read abouit those who reach 30/60/90 days without alcohol and then start to rediscover themselves and deal with whatever issues they have in the personal lives without hiding behing alcohol.
Please continue to post and I'm sure the support you receive will help you in this journey towards being a better you.

Jim

Fenris

It's a fine line to walk. For me, I would not be okay with myself if I drank -- whether it's one glass or a thousand, any alcohol I drink is a failure. But as long as I suit up and show up after that, I don't spend much time beating myself up over it. That serves no more purpose than patting myself on the shoulder for "drinking, but not getting drunk". I'm an alcoholic and I can't drink at all. Any compromise on that is my disease's way of controlling me.

Everyone recovers on their own time in their own way. And personally, I'll welcome anyone who is trying to stay sober -- I'll pat them on the shoulder for coming back, but not for the "controlled drinking". For people like me, that's an illusion that kills alcoholics.

--Fenris.

Nirvana1

I think what you are experiencing is the advice that is given to those who are hopeless versus those who are in recovery. Those on a 10 day bender are completely hopeless and need all the help they can't get. They are not on the right path and need the tenderness and encouragement to have any chance.

Those who are in recovery and knowingly "slip up" are given slightly different advice, because it's almost like everyone is trying to simply say "You have the tools and are not following them" with there responses.

I am not good with analogies but I know that there is a different vibe with those going over the ledge with benders and those who say things like "I only had two drinks" because many know that the casual drinking leads right back to over the ledge.

overthis

CamilleBelle, I don't think this post was supposed to be a lecture of any sort. Sometimes we need to hear things we don't want to. I am only 5 days into my sobriety and this post was a huge wake-up call for me. I haven't drank since I've found this site but my alcoholic-mind has been telling me "just one drink wouldn't hurt." and "maybe I can slowly just taper off my drinking and I'll just have a couple glasses today and THEN start slowly drinking less." These are all lies I have been trying to convince myself. The truth is I can't drink, I am an alcoholic. Allowing myself even one drink would be taking a million steps back. It's just something to think about. Please don't stop sharing your thoughts, I have read several of your posts and have always got something from them and I truly think this site can help us all.

yeahgr8

Yep Dee that was totally my experience too...i remember a night, back when i used to binge drink before going for it, i went out and drank just 6 pints of beer and didn't smoke...i felt ok the next morning so was able to go and get smashed the next night instead of nursing a hangover and locking myself in at home...i spent years trying to re-create that night of 6 beers and no fags cos i thought if i could do that i would feel ok the next day, forget the 100's of nights that i would end up smashed and making an ass of myself just got to get to drinking those 6 beers and no fags again lol...absolute madness, easy to see when you are sober for a while but not so easy to see when you are caught up in the madness...