I hate dealing with feelings.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 76
I hate dealing with feelings.
I realised I dont have that many friends that I can do other stuff with than drinking alcohol.
I am struggling with lots of feelings this weekend as well. I think I have been drinking a lot to avoid dealing with that. I feel lonely. I hate my weight and dont believe anyone could fall in love with me right now. I have low self esteem as well so trying to go out and make new friends is difficult. Alcohol somehow makes that easier. I never even thought I was drinking to avoid feeling sad or lonely. It was just a habit. I liked getting wasted on weekends.
During the week I keep my self quite busy and enjoy relaxing in front of the tv at night. But at weekends I want to drink.
So this stopping drinking for me will be harder than I think.I started going to the gym a lot to loose weight and to fight of the boredom and depression. But I still hate feeling those feelings that I am having right now.
I am struggling with lots of feelings this weekend as well. I think I have been drinking a lot to avoid dealing with that. I feel lonely. I hate my weight and dont believe anyone could fall in love with me right now. I have low self esteem as well so trying to go out and make new friends is difficult. Alcohol somehow makes that easier. I never even thought I was drinking to avoid feeling sad or lonely. It was just a habit. I liked getting wasted on weekends.
During the week I keep my self quite busy and enjoy relaxing in front of the tv at night. But at weekends I want to drink.
So this stopping drinking for me will be harder than I think.I started going to the gym a lot to loose weight and to fight of the boredom and depression. But I still hate feeling those feelings that I am having right now.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 51
I know how you feel. Once you've spent some time in the gym, you should consider joining clubs - cycling club, athletics club, etc. That's my plan anyway. I've taken up cycling and it's a very social sport with clubs all over the place.
Or you can have a look at this program (it's great): Couch to 5k - C25K Running Program. The Inspiration stories on the website about half way down are amazing.
Or you can have a look at this program (it's great): Couch to 5k - C25K Running Program. The Inspiration stories on the website about half way down are amazing.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
AA has rooms all over the world full of people just like you....people wanting to find a better life without alcohol...
Why not plan to check out AA on weekends?
Why not plan to check out AA on weekends?
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 609
I know it's not an easy time, and weekends were difficult for me as well. Are you getting some help with these underlying feelings that you have tried to bury, and are now becoming aware of? I talk regularly with a counselor and it helps a great deal, there are also meetings. Exercise is good, but doing that and trying to stay busy with activities may not be enough in the long term.
Feelings however are a part of what makes us human. I spent quite a few years trying to avoid every bad feeling - even the slightest - with alcohol. All it did in the end was left me feeling very empty, maybe what they call spiritually and emotionally bankrupt. I don't know if it is odd, I think it reassured me when I got sober that I did still have some feelings left, even if they weren't always comfortable.
Feelings however are a part of what makes us human. I spent quite a few years trying to avoid every bad feeling - even the slightest - with alcohol. All it did in the end was left me feeling very empty, maybe what they call spiritually and emotionally bankrupt. I don't know if it is odd, I think it reassured me when I got sober that I did still have some feelings left, even if they weren't always comfortable.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Hi Roselian...ya know, after my separation with my husband I moved into the next town. My eldest is 1400 miles away with my only Grandson, my two next boys are stationed in Iraq and Texas and my youngest just graduated and is on her own. I have been a mother for 29 years.
That life was all I knew. Now here I sit...alone...with 2 dogs.
But ya know what? I'm ok with that. After I lost my job because of drinking and went to rehab and started AA I realized...an epiphany, if you will...that I'm ok alone. I am a strong independant person (alittle tenacious and stubborn).
I don't 'need' to have a relationship with anyone but myself. I don't need extra baggage from someone else. I have enough of my own that needs unpacking.
I don't need someone that lies on the couch leaving crumbs on the floor...heck, my dogs can do that!
Although I had lived a life of security, raising children, cooking supper, kissing boo boos, I needed to come to the realization that there is more to me than that. Not that there is more to life...but more to me. I had feelings & thoughts that I never knew exsisted because of my drinking and because as a parent I was always 'masking' feelings for the kids' sake. So now here I am, raw, vulnerable and real...getting in touch with feelings and what I am really about. And I like it.
And of course the bottom line is that it all got better after I quit drinking.
Your drinking and your weight need to be taken as two separate issues. You can't lump up all the feelings of your lack of self worth, loneliness and the guilt, shame and unmanagablility due to drinking or you will have more mental anguish than its worth. Going to the gym is a great start but you're gonna need to find more...something that keeps you better occupied.
Wishing you peace and strength.
That life was all I knew. Now here I sit...alone...with 2 dogs.
But ya know what? I'm ok with that. After I lost my job because of drinking and went to rehab and started AA I realized...an epiphany, if you will...that I'm ok alone. I am a strong independant person (alittle tenacious and stubborn).
I don't 'need' to have a relationship with anyone but myself. I don't need extra baggage from someone else. I have enough of my own that needs unpacking.
I don't need someone that lies on the couch leaving crumbs on the floor...heck, my dogs can do that!
Although I had lived a life of security, raising children, cooking supper, kissing boo boos, I needed to come to the realization that there is more to me than that. Not that there is more to life...but more to me. I had feelings & thoughts that I never knew exsisted because of my drinking and because as a parent I was always 'masking' feelings for the kids' sake. So now here I am, raw, vulnerable and real...getting in touch with feelings and what I am really about. And I like it.
And of course the bottom line is that it all got better after I quit drinking.
Your drinking and your weight need to be taken as two separate issues. You can't lump up all the feelings of your lack of self worth, loneliness and the guilt, shame and unmanagablility due to drinking or you will have more mental anguish than its worth. Going to the gym is a great start but you're gonna need to find more...something that keeps you better occupied.
Wishing you peace and strength.
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 245
Thank you for your honesty Roselian. I think those are feelings that all of us addicts feel, but many of us (including myself) are afraid to open up about them.
Alcohol gave me the confidence and self-esteem I was lacking while sober. I too realized nearly all of my friends were drinking buddies, and once I got sober, I didn't even have a choice as to whether or not I'd still hang out with them. Even if I did want to hang out with them, we simply had nothing left in common -- booze was our only link to each other.
And yea, making new friends is hard, especially when we are trying to be much more selective and choose healthy, good people to join our lives. I am desperately clinging on to the good, healthy people that somehow haven't already ditched me. Thank heavens for them.
Alcohol gave me the confidence and self-esteem I was lacking while sober. I too realized nearly all of my friends were drinking buddies, and once I got sober, I didn't even have a choice as to whether or not I'd still hang out with them. Even if I did want to hang out with them, we simply had nothing left in common -- booze was our only link to each other.
And yea, making new friends is hard, especially when we are trying to be much more selective and choose healthy, good people to join our lives. I am desperately clinging on to the good, healthy people that somehow haven't already ditched me. Thank heavens for them.
Encourager In Training
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: KS
Posts: 717
Roselian - Awesome post. Thanks!
To an ever decreasing extent, I "hate" feelings because I simply do not know how to deal with them.
Hence, my recovery from alcoholism is largely a process of learning how to uncover, recognize, and process feelings in a healthy way.
Personally I cannot at once be happily sober and fearful/hateful of my feelings.
Perhaps your original five words are a brilliantly succinct statement of the singlemost important key to meaningful, enduring sobriety?
To an ever decreasing extent, I "hate" feelings because I simply do not know how to deal with them.
Hence, my recovery from alcoholism is largely a process of learning how to uncover, recognize, and process feelings in a healthy way.
Personally I cannot at once be happily sober and fearful/hateful of my feelings.
Perhaps your original five words are a brilliantly succinct statement of the singlemost important key to meaningful, enduring sobriety?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
I can relate to drinking to numb feelings and I'm sure there's a lot of other people on here too who can also relate. I also lost contact with a lot of people bc we only had drinking in common which now has made me realize they weren't as great of friends as I thought. Choosing sobriety tho is the best choice I've ever made! Hang in there
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 76
Thank you all for your kind replies. I do believe that I have to learn to deal with these feelings in a more constructive manner. I want to happy as well though. So I think I have to deal with my issues and fix the broken parts of my life. I am 30 years old and I want a husband and children and job that I like. I dont want to end up like a sad old lady sitting with a bottle of wine and listening to Celine Dions "all by myself" . hehe.
Thankfully I am meeting some old friends next weekend. We are going out to dinner. They are not big drinkers at all. One of them does not even drink because she had an alcoholic dad. So it will be no pressure there to drink. It is just in my head, to feel more comfortable and secure and relaxed I feel like I need to have that drink.
I dont feel lonely and sad all the time though. So I think I will be alright.
Thankfully I am meeting some old friends next weekend. We are going out to dinner. They are not big drinkers at all. One of them does not even drink because she had an alcoholic dad. So it will be no pressure there to drink. It is just in my head, to feel more comfortable and secure and relaxed I feel like I need to have that drink.
I dont feel lonely and sad all the time though. So I think I will be alright.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: somewhere, tx
Posts: 128
You Are Not Alone!
Roselian-
You're definitely NOT alone, you've got all of us to talk to! And somebody posted about AA meeting which was spot-on.
At AA, you will find more friends than you can imagine; it's a fellowship.
Best of luck to you!
You're definitely NOT alone, you've got all of us to talk to! And somebody posted about AA meeting which was spot-on.
At AA, you will find more friends than you can imagine; it's a fellowship.
Best of luck to you!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,589
Rose, I think you're finding that the stopping drinking is just the beginning.
That's when the hard work starts and it's so good that you see you want to begin dealing with things.
That's when the hard work starts and it's so good that you see you want to begin dealing with things.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,028
In early sobriety it can be pretty darn lonely on the weekends. I'm married - have another person around along with my 12yr old boy but I still feel lonely. I think it's more because I have to redefine myself in terms of unstructured social time - weekends! My drinking was so habitual I wasn't thinking half the time I just automatically picked up and eventually I was like, "what the heck just happened here...." I'm thinking now before I do most things and considering others above my own pleasure and unfortunately this isn't natural for me.
Why this makes me feel lonely I'm not entirely sure. Maybe I just don't know who I am? Oh well, bottom line is you are not truly alone. I don't know what you think about AA or other support groups but without AA I'd probably be relapsing already.
Hang in there and thanks for bringing up a great topic!
Why this makes me feel lonely I'm not entirely sure. Maybe I just don't know who I am? Oh well, bottom line is you are not truly alone. I don't know what you think about AA or other support groups but without AA I'd probably be relapsing already.
Hang in there and thanks for bringing up a great topic!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,590
I really feared my feelings for many years Roselian - it's what got me into drinking in the first place....
but I've found the more I've stayed sober the more comfortable I've gotten with feeling and the less I fear dealing with them...like anything else it's like learning a new skill
Stick with it.
I reckon a programme like AA or another recovery programme may be good for connecting with other people, people who get it, too
D
but I've found the more I've stayed sober the more comfortable I've gotten with feeling and the less I fear dealing with them...like anything else it's like learning a new skill
Stick with it.
I reckon a programme like AA or another recovery programme may be good for connecting with other people, people who get it, too
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Roselian))) - when I first got into recovery, I was also working on codependent issues. I kept reading "work through your feelings" and I didn't even KNOW what my feelings were! I just knew they were "something that didn't feel good". I've come to realize that a lot of mine are fear-based...I'm gonna be that old cat lady, no one is ever going to love me, I'm never gonna have a decent career again, I'm always going to be that "woman who used crack", etc.
I've already learned that some of these are totally unfounded, though I may still be the "old cat lady". It took time, reading here a LOT, talking to others to even recognize a feeling, much less realize that it is JUST a feeling, I have choices on how I deal with it. Sometimes I just acknowledge it, allow myself to feel it, and if need be, reach out to others for insight.
I was a world class "runner-from-feelings" type of person, but recovery has shown me that they aren't gonna kill me, and in fact, they've often helped me learn a lesson, kept me safe, and have helped me grow into the person I've always wanted to be. Still have a ways to go, but progress, not perfection.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I've already learned that some of these are totally unfounded, though I may still be the "old cat lady". It took time, reading here a LOT, talking to others to even recognize a feeling, much less realize that it is JUST a feeling, I have choices on how I deal with it. Sometimes I just acknowledge it, allow myself to feel it, and if need be, reach out to others for insight.
I was a world class "runner-from-feelings" type of person, but recovery has shown me that they aren't gonna kill me, and in fact, they've often helped me learn a lesson, kept me safe, and have helped me grow into the person I've always wanted to be. Still have a ways to go, but progress, not perfection.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: San Diego
Posts: 77
Welcome Roselian,
Thank you for sharing how you are feeling. This site is a great place to find support, and also a safe place to express how you are feeling.
When I moved to a new town I joined Team in Training and trained for and ran my first marathon (I had never been a runner, so this was a new venture). I ended up meeting many friends and I still see them regularly 11 years later. Maybe you can find a running, walking or cycling group. It would be a great way to meet people.
Keep reading and posting on SR, it has helped me, and I am still a newbie too!
Thank you for sharing how you are feeling. This site is a great place to find support, and also a safe place to express how you are feeling.
When I moved to a new town I joined Team in Training and trained for and ran my first marathon (I had never been a runner, so this was a new venture). I ended up meeting many friends and I still see them regularly 11 years later. Maybe you can find a running, walking or cycling group. It would be a great way to meet people.
Keep reading and posting on SR, it has helped me, and I am still a newbie too!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 140
Hi Rosellian: I totally relate--I feel lonely and isolated a lot of the time, and drinking only makes it worse. And then, since I have ramped up my drinking so much recently--all those calories!!--I gained weight too and felt event worse about myself, and then drank over that--a totally vicious cycle.
But this is my second time around--I was sober for nine years and then relapsed, and I can tell you, I went through this the first time around when I looked terrible felt terrible, but after a few months of sobriety, I started exercizing, losing weight, looking and feeling healthy.
I am only three days in, and don't like how I look and feel but I know if I stick with it, it will turn around. And I know it will for you and you'll find yourself feeling so much better about the person you are, that's just the way it works, read what everyone says here.
That's why I'm hanging out here, and am glad you are here to remind me that we're not alone.
But this is my second time around--I was sober for nine years and then relapsed, and I can tell you, I went through this the first time around when I looked terrible felt terrible, but after a few months of sobriety, I started exercizing, losing weight, looking and feeling healthy.
I am only three days in, and don't like how I look and feel but I know if I stick with it, it will turn around. And I know it will for you and you'll find yourself feeling so much better about the person you are, that's just the way it works, read what everyone says here.
That's why I'm hanging out here, and am glad you are here to remind me that we're not alone.
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