Thank you all for your kind replies. I do believe that I have to learn to deal with these feelings in a more constructive manner. I want to happy as well though. So I think I have to deal with my issues and fix the broken parts of my life. I am 30 years old and I want a husband and children and job that I like. I dont want to end up like a sad old lady sitting with a bottle of wine and listening to Celine Dions "all by myself" . hehe.
Thankfully I am meeting some old friends next weekend. We are going out to dinner. They are not big drinkers at all. One of them does not even drink because she had an alcoholic dad. So it will be no pressure there to drink. It is just in my head, to feel more comfortable and secure and relaxed I feel like I need to have that drink.
I dont feel lonely and sad all the time though. So I think I will be alright.