new here...my husband has a problem with MY drinking
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 120
Hi and welcome, it's a big step coming here. And trust me, a lot of people here (past and present) have pretty much been where you are now. Some of them become proactive and say "well, maybe I don't think it's a problem, but others do" so they evaluate their life and do something about it, maybe realizing that having alcohol (or any drug) everyday isn't normal.
Others will be in denial and disregard what others say and continue to drink until it spirals out of control. Then it's another decision point. They either forcibly stop then by court mandated rehab/ AA or they continue the spiral where they lose all their family (which either leave them or they kill in accidents) and friends.
Either way, read the boards here and you'll see your future, either good or bad, that part is up to you.
Good luck, you're going to need all of it you can get.
Others will be in denial and disregard what others say and continue to drink until it spirals out of control. Then it's another decision point. They either forcibly stop then by court mandated rehab/ AA or they continue the spiral where they lose all their family (which either leave them or they kill in accidents) and friends.
Either way, read the boards here and you'll see your future, either good or bad, that part is up to you.
Good luck, you're going to need all of it you can get.
recovering using AVRT
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Planet Earth
Posts: 294
Originally Posted by jstar 
I can't believe I posted this almost 1 year ago when i first found SR!
*I am an alcoholic ...I have come to terms with that but have been resistant to change & thought I could keeps my drinking "controlled" ha! Bet you've never thought that before! I was not overreacting with that first post, I was right, I just didn't want to admit it.
*my husband told me almost a year ago he didn't want to be around me drinking, so I became obsessed with hiding it in different places & buying those really small bottles at the liquor store. I thought I could hide it & no one would notice. That is the addiction talking. He is still putting up with me but I can tell the resentment & pain is there in his eyes.
*and I am crazy when I drink. There is no "off switch" anymore. Once I start, I keep going & have had a lot of very scary blackouts over the past few months.
I want the strength to go to any length to get sober. So here I am again. Today 3/17/12 I will have 24 hours sober.
*I am an alcoholic ...I have come to terms with that but have been resistant to change & thought I could keeps my drinking "controlled" ha! Bet you've never thought that before! I was not overreacting with that first post, I was right, I just didn't want to admit it.
*my husband told me almost a year ago he didn't want to be around me drinking, so I became obsessed with hiding it in different places & buying those really small bottles at the liquor store. I thought I could hide it & no one would notice. That is the addiction talking. He is still putting up with me but I can tell the resentment & pain is there in his eyes.
*and I am crazy when I drink. There is no "off switch" anymore. Once I start, I keep going & have had a lot of very scary blackouts over the past few months.
I want the strength to go to any length to get sober. So here I am again. Today 3/17/12 I will have 24 hours sober.
Congrats on 24 hours!
I lived a very selfish self-destructive life for many years myself. It was always about ME-ME-ME-ME-ME. I want to relax, I want to let loose, I want to hang out, I deserve to have fun, I'll drink when I want, ME-ME-ME-ME-ME! No doubt when I drank or even when I was planning to drink I didn't care about anyone but myself. Evenings, weekends, parties, dinners, friends, meetings, vacations and holidays were all dictated by the drink.
Hopefully you're ready to stop feeling terrible! The anger, guilt, hurt, resentment, fear..... those negative emotions will eat you alive! You have the power to quit! Soon you can replace those negative emotions with happiness, hope, love, joy, and confidence!
I wish you the best for today and always!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,579
Jstar - The good news is that you owned up to the problem & decided on a solution. At your age I still had another 20+ years of trying to 'control' what I drank. As you can imagine, my life turned into a bad movie. This won't be you!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome back, jstar!
You're in a different place now and can see what you need to do, and that will work in your favor..... Remember to take it a day at a time and get lots of support. Each day sober is a victory!
You're in a different place now and can see what you need to do, and that will work in your favor..... Remember to take it a day at a time and get lots of support. Each day sober is a victory!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Here
Posts: 183
Welcome back JStar!
I read a lot of this thread and am happy to see you back. I also glad to see the changes you are already making in your attitude. Good job on that! As for drinking, just take it 1 day at a time.
Meetings on the regular helped me a lot. Also using that list of phone numbers by calling those new AA people I met. They want to help. It helps them to help us, and they want to give back as they were helped when they first started on their own journey. I now call them friends, rather than "those AA people".
Something that really helped me during week 1 was to change my routines. I started exercising again, eating better and lost a good amount of weight. The positive mojo you gain from seeing the physical changes as your body de-toxifys and de-bloats can keep you motoring forward in sobriety all by itself on some days. And of course keeping occupied (meetings) at night, when I would usually be going on my beer runs, helped keep me on track. The days when I found myself unoccupied at night (when I used to drink), were the days I struggled. So changing routine is key for me. 49 days for me tomorrow. Good luck, stay strong and keep posting!
I read a lot of this thread and am happy to see you back. I also glad to see the changes you are already making in your attitude. Good job on that! As for drinking, just take it 1 day at a time.
Meetings on the regular helped me a lot. Also using that list of phone numbers by calling those new AA people I met. They want to help. It helps them to help us, and they want to give back as they were helped when they first started on their own journey. I now call them friends, rather than "those AA people".
Something that really helped me during week 1 was to change my routines. I started exercising again, eating better and lost a good amount of weight. The positive mojo you gain from seeing the physical changes as your body de-toxifys and de-bloats can keep you motoring forward in sobriety all by itself on some days. And of course keeping occupied (meetings) at night, when I would usually be going on my beer runs, helped keep me on track. The days when I found myself unoccupied at night (when I used to drink), were the days I struggled. So changing routine is key for me. 49 days for me tomorrow. Good luck, stay strong and keep posting!
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Welcome back, jstar. It sounds like you are determined by your own awareness, and ready for sobriety. Congratulations. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Don't let the emotional waves of early sobriety throw you. I'd encourage you to find a program, a sober sponsor or mentor, and work through it. You can do it, and you'll be better off for it.
When I re-read your original post, I saw that I had read it almost a year ago when you wrote it. I was about 30 days at that time. Like you, I stopped posting for a few months and went back to drinking. I then came to the conclusions you now have back in August, and have been sober over 7 months. And life is 1000% better than it was then. I'm using AA, and still working through all the "stuff", but am improving and learning every day. It feels like I've been given yet another chance by God, my wife, family and friends. And that feels great. I pray for the same thing for you.
When I re-read your original post, I saw that I had read it almost a year ago when you wrote it. I was about 30 days at that time. Like you, I stopped posting for a few months and went back to drinking. I then came to the conclusions you now have back in August, and have been sober over 7 months. And life is 1000% better than it was then. I'm using AA, and still working through all the "stuff", but am improving and learning every day. It feels like I've been given yet another chance by God, my wife, family and friends. And that feels great. I pray for the same thing for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 438
It really IS just "one day at a time" & for me it's been "one hour at a time" some days! I have 8 days today! I think it's the longest # of days strung together that I can remember!
I have been going to meetings every day and quickly found a sponsor to help me get started. The last times I tried, I never reached out for help, what a difference to just get out of my comfort zone & get numbers from people and actually call them.
Even if you are reading this and you aren't sure you are an alcoholic or not...go to a meeting & check it out or just try to string some sober days together. How much thought you put into it, is probably a good indication of how you feel about the "drink". I obsessed over when I was gonna be able to & now am obsessing over how not to! Normal people don't even think twice about alcohol being a problem for them or not. That's just my opinion of course!
Happy Saturday! I'm going bowling with my family...SOBER!
I have been going to meetings every day and quickly found a sponsor to help me get started. The last times I tried, I never reached out for help, what a difference to just get out of my comfort zone & get numbers from people and actually call them.
Even if you are reading this and you aren't sure you are an alcoholic or not...go to a meeting & check it out or just try to string some sober days together. How much thought you put into it, is probably a good indication of how you feel about the "drink". I obsessed over when I was gonna be able to & now am obsessing over how not to! Normal people don't even think twice about alcohol being a problem for them or not. That's just my opinion of course!
Happy Saturday! I'm going bowling with my family...SOBER!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 438
What i'm learning...try not to get too far ahead of yourself in your thinking while starting recovery. I had 10 days then got all freaked out after writing 9 pages of my drinking history cause it brought up alot of crap for me that I am not able/equip to deal with at this point. My sponsor told me to slow down & just not drink "today". Now i'm day 4 & can't wait to see what God has in store for.
I'm trying to be patient. One day at a time
I'm really loving reading all the threads too! It's very helpful! Thanks!
I'm trying to be patient. One day at a time
I'm really loving reading all the threads too! It's very helpful! Thanks!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
Glad to read you're getting active...that's where the good results come from. Today's the day we both don't drink and do a few things to keep that going and improve our lives.
Remember to call before you drink under any circumstances that crop up. That needs to be your commitment right now.
Remember to call before you drink under any circumstances that crop up. That needs to be your commitment right now.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 8,642
I had an affair on my husband. The object of my affection was wine. I loved it so much, and could not fathom my life without it. In the midst of my final downward alcoholic spiral my husband said to me, " I just want my wife back." So I broke up with wine and gave my husband back his wife.....the new and improved version......14 months ago today.
And I really love my life!
And I really love my life!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 438
reflecting back after my 90/90 thread i posted early this morning
Originally Posted by jstar
hello
i'm new here to these boards. have enjoyed reading other's posts tonight before deciding to post myself.
i don't admit to being an alcoholic or not one...just yet. i've had a whirlwind of a year and some days I think I have issues and others I just think I'm overreacting. Although it's starting to hit me....my husband told me two days ago (when I was complaining that he hadn't gone out to a birthday party for a mutual friend to a bar with me over the weekend) that he doesn't like to be around me when I'm drinking. He says that I act different and he never knows which "wife" he will get. I've tried to understand this. I've never been one of the people who drinks and gets violent or crazy. I always thought that I was the "fun" one when I was drinking! He says I'm loud and that it's not as amusing as I think it is in my "drunk" perspective.
i don't know what kind of advise i'm looking for really. A little about me, I'm 31, I own my own business which i work about 10-15 hrs a day. I have 4 kids from 12 down to 3...we are busy...all the time. i drink, pretty much every day. I like to go out with my girlfriends because my husband says that he doesn't want to go anywhere where people may be drinking.
i guess i'm just trying to figure out life...aren't we all?
thanx
i'm new here to these boards. have enjoyed reading other's posts tonight before deciding to post myself.
i don't admit to being an alcoholic or not one...just yet. i've had a whirlwind of a year and some days I think I have issues and others I just think I'm overreacting. Although it's starting to hit me....my husband told me two days ago (when I was complaining that he hadn't gone out to a birthday party for a mutual friend to a bar with me over the weekend) that he doesn't like to be around me when I'm drinking. He says that I act different and he never knows which "wife" he will get. I've tried to understand this. I've never been one of the people who drinks and gets violent or crazy. I always thought that I was the "fun" one when I was drinking! He says I'm loud and that it's not as amusing as I think it is in my "drunk" perspective.
i don't know what kind of advise i'm looking for really. A little about me, I'm 31, I own my own business which i work about 10-15 hrs a day. I have 4 kids from 12 down to 3...we are busy...all the time. i drink, pretty much every day. I like to go out with my girlfriends because my husband says that he doesn't want to go anywhere where people may be drinking.
i guess i'm just trying to figure out life...aren't we all?
thanx
I'm searching for the "easier, softer way"....guess i'm still looking for it.
The only things I really see in my posts from then to now that is different is that now i'm 32 instead of 31....and my drinking has progressed to worse outcomes than I had to show for in the past. Even though i've been more careful with my drinking (trying to moderate...from vodka to beer, or from vodka to rum...switching drinks...telling myself only to have 2 drinks instead of 10...staying away from parties...etc etc.) It still haunts me every day...
...sigh....I sooooo don't want to live my life like this forever
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 438
Originally Posted by Sapling
Do you know what the easier softer way is?
My husband is going crazy that I keep going to AA meetings and even though he was the first to point out to me outloud that my drinking was causing problems, now he keeps telling me "just cut back", "only have 2". The only thing he said to me after I asked him if he was mad at me after my relapse/5hr blackout was "honey, i'm not mad at you and I don't care if you drink, you just need to control how many drinks you are having". After who knows what I put him through that night, I don't see how he is not mad at me.
This is one of many things that is making me so confused
part time member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,910
he keeps telling me "just cut back", "only have 2"
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