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Old 07-09-2010, 10:28 PM   #1 (permalink)
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One week off alcohol


Hi everyone, I have had one week of not drinking and have been taking antabuse. It has been fine and it has been a relief not to drink. During that time, I stayed with a non-drinking supportive friend. Today I am back with my husband who has clinical depression and is switching anit-depressants and he has been drinking the whole time I have been away. He is in self destruct mode ie ready to quit his job, our relationship, been nasty to people in his yoga class and quit that. I have come home with a few ground rules in place. One of them is that we do not drink at home. (He suggested this ground rule as I think he knows drinking is a problem for him too.)He does not know that I have not been drinking while I was away nor does he know I have been taking antabuse. If he did I suspect he would say I am weak willed for taking antabuse. The thing is I cannot deal with his depressive rants, his constant threats of quitting his job, or his or my excessive drinking on my own. He thinks that because I am a "positive person" I can cope with anything. I am only human. One night while I was staying away I had to drop in to get some clothes and he has stayed at home all day not gone to work and drank from dawn to dusk. I come home today and he says he didnt quit his job and he is going to work harder to drown out his problems, but previously he blamed work on his problems and drinking......... I cannot figure it all out to be honest. The thing I am glad about is that I dont have the worry at 6pm of thinking will I drink to cope with this or wont I will I wont I will I wont I? The decision is made I simply cannot, and in that space I have been finding other things to do. I am scared of his stress though....... I hope the week is not too rocky. Jaffapoppy
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Old 07-10-2010, 01:43 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Have you considered al anon at all jaffapoppy?

Al-Anon/Alateen Australia: help for the families and friends of alcoholics

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Old 07-10-2010, 02:21 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Congrats on your first week, Jaffa! It's good to see you again!

Love,

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Old 07-10-2010, 06:11 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Jaffypoppy,

Being pro-active about your own well being and health is to be commended. Especially under your circumstances. Must be diffucult with the stress involved at home. Stay strong and when you feel overwhelmed try and remove yourself from the situation. I agree with Dee. Maybe Al-anon can offer you ways to cope and still continue your sobriety.

For me the first week was the hardest and during that time I tried to stay away from stressful situations. Hard for you. Find a good support system. My best to you and be proud of yourself !!
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Old 07-10-2010, 07:02 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I'm glad you are working to stay sober. It must be very difficult in your situation. I too recommend AlAnon for support. I congratulate you on your first week sober and hope you can continue to stay sober for your own well being, no matter what your husband does.
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Old 07-10-2010, 07:15 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Congratulations on one week, that's quite an achievement!
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Old 07-10-2010, 07:48 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Hi Jaffa,

Good for you!

It really is a relief when all the back-and-forth stuff stops, isn't it!

I hope you find some support here, and with AlAnon, or maybe a therapist.
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Old 07-10-2010, 08:25 AM   #8 (permalink)
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I have suffered from depression myself. However for me the drinking slowly crept in as i started feeling better. Depression isnt something to fool around with. It's a constantly nagging, painful experience. The best way to deal with it is medication (if needed), therapy (absolutely necessary) and Sobriety (VERY crucial). I dealt with my depression sober, on medication (prozac), and going to therapy once a week. Constantly forcing myself to go outside (which i wouldnt, i would stay home and play video games to try to get my mind off of the sorrow) hang out with friends (i hadnt talked to my friends in 3 months) and thinking about my therapists words and trying to get out of the rut i called my life. I was diagnosed with OCD, Depression, and Anxiety. Best thing you can do is to get him sober. If hes already in therapy and taking medication thats fine. But the sober part is absolutely necessary. "How can I learn to live happy, if I've never been happy?" is the kinda mindset your trying to eliminate and with alcohol or drugs its impossible. Feel free to send me a PM if you have any more questions. oh and grats on your 1 week sober, im 5 days and counting
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Old 07-10-2010, 03:55 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Old 07-10-2010, 04:20 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Thank you everyone for your words of support and advice. I am pleased to say there was no drinking or arguing last night. I feel so so tired, mentally and physically..........everything seems too hard at the moment. I am usually such an active person but I feel like my energy has been sucked out of me. We declined a social invitation last night that would have involved alcohol and one tonight that would involve alcohol. Any tips on dealing with people who put the pressure on to drink? The main couple we socialize with it is nearly always drinking first, eating second. I have been avoiding them for the week while I was staying at my friends place..........Thanks
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Old 07-12-2010, 04:55 AM   #11 (permalink)
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It has been 8 days without alcohol and I have been home with my husband after staying with a friend for two nights. We have not had any fights and he is on his second day of not drinking. He is driving himself into the ground with exercise to sleep. He hasn't done any serious exercise for months (years) and has ridden his bike for an hour each day and done a 1 hr walk on a trail with weights. When I asked him why he said how else do you expect me to sleep? (He was self medicating with alcohol in part due to poor sleep) I am pretty fit and woke up this morning exhausted (I run 5 to 10km five days a week and do weights 3 times a week and have done for years). The emotional toil of dealing with my husbands depression, the arguing and maybe quitting alcohol has left me exhausted. I could not get out of bed this morning and called work to say I was sick. Can quitting alcohol give you this fatigue at some point or do people think it is all the other stuff that I am dealing with? I went to our Doctor today and told him about a lot of stuff. He treats my husbands depression. I told him how much he had been drinking and hopefully he can stay off the alcohol and talk him into some counselling. I so much felt like a drink tonightas soon as I walked in the door to lighten the mood and get that cheery buzz and get a bit of happy going. I feel like I don't have that to enjoy with my husband now even though it is counter productive many times. I simply cannot because of the antabuse which saves a lot of angst out of the deciding. Happy Cat has run out of Happy............
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