livefierce

Sorry to hear that you're feeling down today, Super71. Is there anything specific that's running through your mind that you're comfortable sharing? Or is it just general malaise?

littlechicklet

Hey everyone. Day one again. I feel really ashamed, did some stupid stuff last night that I have to confess to my husband this evening. Not really looking forward to that.

I've been thinking today about how I NEED to change. I really can't control my drinking. So, obviously this solo white knuckle quitting isn't working. What do I need to do to find accountability? Go to a meeting? See a councilor? Tell my husband? Probably all three of these things. I'll start tonight by really talking to my husband about my alcoholism. I can see a councilor for free at school which is really nice. AA seems really scary and I'm nervous to just go alone.

I can't live like this anymore. I feel horrible about everything.

BreakFree

Hello Everyone :)

(((Traderjane)))

I'm feeling really tired today and my eyes are bothering me from all of the allergens in the air. All of which used to be a trigger for me. Really unproductive, I know! Anyway...I don't have much to share, but wanted to pop in to say HELLO and see how everyone was doing today.

This afternoon I was part of a conversation that involved having drinks. For a moment it sounded like a really great idea, but then I remembered that I'm not drinking alcohol AT ALL anymore. I reminded myself of how bad I feel already and how much worse alcohol would make me feel. I have come to realize that it's more difficult accepting the fact that alcohol is no longer the release it used to be (or that I thought it was), than it is to say NO.

The computer screen is bothering my "allergy eyes" so I'd better close here.

Have a great evening everyone :)

OZboy

...all..s...lol..

..I got 2 weeks to-day Ozy..

traderjane

Hi everyone and Breakfree --- I had a day exactly as you described. No allergies for me, but kind of an unproductive day, which I truly hate.

Also like you, Breakfree, I have had a little sadness about the realization that alcohol isn't what it used to be for me. There was a time when it was something I could look forward to -- a release of tension, just as you described. A fun activity with friends, etc. Now I truly know there is no such thing as that for me. I can't drink normally and moderately. The party is over.

There were other reasons for me to stop (the list is too numerous) but I was having lower abdominal pain on the days after I drank. After I stop drinking for a few days, the pain magically disappears. I'm on Day 2 today and the pain is gone. My body is thanking me for not poisoning it anymore.

I hope you are all doing well. Even though I did not have the best of days, it was and is a sober day and it will be great waking up tomorrow with no hangover.

I guess it did not help that is was hot as h*ll here today and every activity was a real chore!!! Enough complaining Later all.

Dee74

Congrats Oz

D

anono

hey good to see you all here .... well done laura on starting this thread... you go girl!!!

traderjane

Congrats OZboy! And hiya Kate!!!

I'm a little more cheery now. Got out of that little afternoon funk.

I was thinking about the second to last time I drank and how I still felt drunk in the morning. What an awful feeling. I only wanted it to go away and to feel normal again. Feeling sober is a good feeling and I'm going to enjoy it tonight

Going to watch "Design Star" now with my daughter... night all!

mayorob1

Hi everyone,

I am back on my second day, didn't feel like drinking today but I am concerned About the weekend, we go away on the weekends, small cottages are close together & lots of neighbors gather to talk, joke and drink. I will have to do lots of walks, keep busy, no doubt my wife can find me a million jobs Around the place.

Anyone have pointers,

Regards,

Rob

super71

Livefierce,

Thanks for the message.. just feeling overwhelmed I guess by not being able to drown my feelings in alcohol.. Made it through the day though and that is good. Not sure if AA is for me, but am committing to going to a meeting Thursday. I hope you are doing well!

mayorob1

So many days in my life have been wasted because of exactly that, for me I still feel drunk, hung over & have no motivation the day after. As the guy from the animal house movie said to John Belushi (drunk, fat & stupid is no way to go through life son). By remaining sober i will hopefully kill three birds with one stone.



Thanks for listening, all stay strong we are worth it!!!

Robi

traderjane

OMG Rob, that is the cutest dog I've ever seen... and he looks just like my dog!!

RE: the weekend, try to enjoy the feeling of being sober and think about how much crappier you will feel in the morning if you give into temptation. And keeping busy is always a good plan. Exercise, long walks, snacks and soft drinks....those all help me.

I know I will be sober this weekend because my parents are coming to stay with me - for 3 nights. They know of my drinking issues *somewhat* and so I would never drink in front of them. Aside from all that, I made a pledge to myself to stop drinking, which is really more important!

KC1

KC here. I have to admit - I have been trying to "moderate" lately. I've been successful sometimes, not so good other times, but the good times outweigh the bad. I am not afraid to admit that here. We are all struggling. I don't know how I will end up. We are here for support. Some of us are going to fall down. We pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off and start again. Let's not forget what this board is about. It's about SUPPORT. It's not about criticism if we fall off the wagon. It's not about lecturing and trying to get people to go to AA. It's about helping each other. We are all different and have different ways of trying to quit. Let's support one another in whatever manor we need support. I hate to see people leave the board because they feel they don't belong. Enough of my "soap box" for this evening. Everyone should feel welcome here. And that, is my very opinionated opinion.!

Dee74

Let's please not get out the soapboxes LOL

KC, what makes you think this time will be any different from all the other times?

Just interested.

D

mayorob1

Hi Traderjane,

She is almost three now, I will have to upload a new picture but she is still a cutie,

Thanks for the thoughts, I think mostly the hangover is a pain (no pun intended) but emotionally is where I feel the worst, when drinking has caused me so much pain over my life time. The next day my mind wonders how many people I upset while the drunk month is charge or what I might of did that will never be able to be reversed or forgiven,

Time for bed, stay strong.
Thanks Rob

BreakFree

Good Morning :)

You know...life is stressful. I know...tell me something you don't already know! ;)

Anyway...in thinking about life's stresses, which I am feeling right now, I came up with this idea. Everytime I feel like drinking, I am going to journal about it. The time, place, circumstance. The next day, I'm going to go back and read it and then I'm going to record what actually happened after that/for the rest of the day and what WOULD have happened if I drank. I know having access to a journal AT THAT MOMENT might not always be possible, but I'm going to try. Should make an interesting/enlightening reading!

Well, I'm off to get another cup of coffee :)

traderjane

Good morning! I like your journaling idea, Breakfree. While on my yoga retreat, I took a journal with me and recording all the ideas I had -- very therapeutic!

Rob, I have a two year old cockapoo who looks a LOT like your 3 year old shi-poo. So adorable!!! I'll try to get a picture of him on here soon.

I spent a lot of time reading on SR last night -- different other threads in all sorts of forums. It occurred to me that this time quitting is more of a relief than a feeling of "it's going to be hard." What a relief to be done trying to moderate, trying to squeeze alcohol in my life where there is no room for it, and as Rob described, the emotional toll of drinking. I know that all too well. It's so time to let go of this addiction that has had a hold of me for a few years now.

Happy Wednesday Time for coffee.

super71

Day 5 - feeling good. Thought I was on day 6 - must be that "brain fog"..

littlechicklet

I made it through day one, yesterday, which was one of the worst days I've had in a long time! I talked to my husband for the first time about my issues and he just WOULD not accept it. He has no problem with drinking so he can't imagine how once I start I just can't stop until I'm passed out. We talked for a few hours and while he still won't accept an 'alcoholic' label, he has agreed to help hold me accountable and is ok with me going to AA meetings if I want to. So, there's progress anyway.

traderjane

Hey there Super71 and LittleChicklet! Glad you are both doing well. LC, isn't it amazing that we have to convince someone else that we have a problem? I can see telling my friends I'm quitting drinking and having them say, "Why? You're not an alcoholic!" The thing is, we all know ourselves better than others know us. And only we know the personal hell that we have been through.

I just had an OMG moment.

My new sobriety date is 6.21.10, which I hope is my last, and it is also the date of Summer Solstice. It was the date I went out to the woods and threw away my last bottle of wine. So today I ordered a charm for my necklace with that date on it to remind me of my decision and promise to myself on that day.

I then remembered that I had joined SR last June under a different name (something like Hopeful999). I went through some crazy stuff, canceled my account and rejoined under a new name (traderjane) in July. So I went back to the Hopeful999 account and looked at the join date -- it was June 21, 2009. Exactly one year ago I found SR.

I like to believe that these things mean something. Very cool.