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Old 04-27-2010, 08:54 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2010
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New here.

Hello everyone,

I've never joined a sobriety forum before but I think this is a really special place. - I'm not exactly sure where to start here either, it's only been a couple days since I've came to terms with wanting to live a clean life.

Alcohol and me, I started drinking when I was sixteen, and I did the typical teenager stuff. A couple of times I would drink myself sick the next day, but being underage, drinking was a once in awhile sort of thing (I was kind of a nerdy shut in, I didn't go out and party too often...)

Years went by, everything was in moderation at that time except pot, I had loads of Marijuana all of the time and I loved smoking it. I've been a big pothead since I was sixteen years old. Marijuana never felt like a problem until I grew up a bit, I had taken a year off of it at one time, and then a half a year another time. But somehow it would always find its way back into my life.

Age twenty one, "the big day", I had went out and purchased a bottle of rum and coke, had a drink that night since I had to work on my birthday(pfffft). The hard alcohol got put aside, however beer became my vice. Stopping on the way home every other night for a six pack of tallboys, escalated into nearly every night. Escalated into two six packs of tallboys(sixteen, twelve ounce beers) every once in awhile - till it got to the point at least one night a week I was really binge drinking.(And on Natural Ice too, that stuff is toxic!)

It's been like that since then(Although I did have a falling out with Natural Ice), I cant think of one week I haven't gone without a sixer of cold beer.

I turned twenty three two weeks ago and I had made a pact to stop everything that's detrimental to me by the end of the month. Which has included I've learned that I must refrain visiting a certain friend who's house has become kind of a pot-stop for me. I cannot have marijuana in my own household so I took refuge on my time off over there playing video games and getting zombified.

Marijuana hasn't been an issue quitting as my love interest isn't fond of it. I've had to hide it from him in the past. Lately there's just been more and more guilt built up about it and it had just stopped being fun. For once in my life I feel like I'm content with not smoking marijuana. - But Alcohol on the other hand...

I've changed my diet dramatically, started exercising profusely. Last Friday I decided to start my venture into my clean life. I had made it three days off drinking, that's sort of a small record for me, but yesterday I just had to have a six pack. By the end of the night there were six empty Coors Light cans in my trash and I just felt completely down in the dumps for cutting off my pact three days in.

I like to write sometimes, and the only thing I wrote last night was "This isn't even fun anymore."

I do have a supportive boyfriend thankfully, and last night when I was whining about how I didn't stay true to myself he had come with the idea that he would give up drinking for now to help me over these hurdles to come.

I guess that's my long winded story.

That's why I've came here and finally decided to join. For support to make it through these cravings, and whatever support I can offer to anyone else.
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Old 04-27-2010, 09:10 AM
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Thriving sober since 12/18/08
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Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
"This isn't even fun anymore."
Yep, that's how I started feeling towards the end of my 'drinking career'. I'd drink "one last time" and not enjoy it, of course followed with shame, guilt, and a hangover not even worth the terrible time I had. Finally enough was enough, and I haven't regretted one single night of not drinking yet!

I'm glad you're here, post often, read often.. there's lots of experience and hope here.
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Old 04-27-2010, 09:34 AM
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Location: Buzz-free Zone
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This is a special place - glad you're here with us. Welcome.

The shame, guilt and remorse of breaking promises to myself, trying to control my drinking (never worked for me - ever) and trying to rationalize that I wasn't that bad 'cause I still had a job, home, etc. finally came to a head, almost with fatal consequences.

Support is really important. It's great that your partner is there for you. We are too. Look around the forum, someone's always here 24/7, post when you want/need to.

Great place to be.
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Old 04-27-2010, 09:49 AM
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Location: SF Bay area, CA
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Welcome to SR! I've gotten so much help and support here, I hope we can do the same for you.
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Old 04-27-2010, 10:39 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 94
It's not fun anymore for me either. It's almost functional.

Good luck with your goals!
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Old 04-27-2010, 11:30 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Welcome to SR and you will have plenty of support and encouragement. The habit of drinking is a bit sticky but you can overcome and become sober. You are young and I will tell you that alcohol won't only become "not fun" but it will ruin your health and your life. I started similar to you (minus the pot) and was able to go out and occasionally biggie. I started college at 21 and worked full time and had no time for drunks and binge drinking. After 4 very hard years of working and graduating....I entered the financial corporate world where drinking was a social event. It wasn't until I started leaning on booze to help me cope with bad days, family problems etc. that I became addicted. I am 36 and am on my 2nd go at sobriety. I can not relapse because that next drink may kill me. Pretty scary stuff.

Suggestion - Toss all alcohol out and see your dr. if you are concerned. I found there was no real way to quit other then keeping my home alcohol free and occupying my "drinking time" doing healthy fun things. Glad you have a supportive boyfriend.....that reminds me of my hubby. He very rarely drinks but will not drink around me especially since I relapsed.

Stay strong!!
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Old 04-27-2010, 11:45 AM
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Glad to have you with us WolfSurgeon
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Old 04-27-2010, 12:33 PM
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Location: Riverside, CA
Posts: 290
Welcome. I know how you feel about broken promises. My drinking campaign became a broken record of broken promise. Morning: "I really gotta quit" Day: "Yeah, this time I gotta quit, I feel awful" Evening: "Maybe I'll just have a few" Night: "Did it again, didn't I? " All health benefits aside, just not having to deal with THAT anymore has been worth the price of admission.

Hang in there. You HAVE come to a special place. Everyone here is really great.

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Old 04-27-2010, 03:14 PM
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Location: Australia
Posts: 210,589
Welcome to SR, WS
I remember it not being fun anymore too.

You've made a good call - look fwd to seeing you around some more

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Old 04-27-2010, 03:25 PM
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Location: Dancing in the Light
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You will find lots of support here!
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Old 04-27-2010, 03:30 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 542
Hi and a Big large Welcome to SR!

Can understand that feeling very well WolfSurgeon and your on a new path now. You might not get it just right the first time - maybe even a few times but the main thing is you've made a decision and you are Working toward a sober life now. That is the important part and YOU are important! Keep on trying and keep comin' back!

Love Pancake xo
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Old 04-27-2010, 03:55 PM
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Location: Upstate New York
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Great conclusion you've come to - welcome to SR! This is a wonderful place.

When I realized - many years ago - that it wasn't fun anymore, all I did was intensify my drinking. I drank stronger stuff, more often - always looking for that glow I used to get. I almost killed myself with that insane thinking. Be glad you are taking action at a young age - you'll never have to go through the hell & chaos that many of us did.
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Old 04-27-2010, 05:48 PM
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No pity. No remorse. No fear
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Location: Melbourne, Australia
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I second that!
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