Please do not apologize. What you speak about is very real and many if not all of us can relate to it on some level.
Alcohol and drugs masked my depression, initially it kept me happy for at least a hour or two. The next day was a different story. Once we remove that crutch and are facing the issues that the Alcohol was masking, it can be real tough in the beginning until we learn how to deal with ourselves. Getting sober initially did not make me magically feel better but it did allow me to help myself get better with lots of hard work. Seeing a therapist/Dr. and going to meetings and finding a great sponsor along with exercise and treating my body well have all helped me immensely. It did not happen overnight but I can now say 1 year and a half sober that things have gotten a lot better in my life. I still have down days but at least I know I am sober and am working on my problems instead of running from them and destroying my life further by drinking and using. Thank you for sharing and thank you for letting me share.
It will get better, I highly recommend seeing a therapist or a doctor who specializes in addiction medicine and depression in addition to meetings and finding a sponsor who "has what you want" in terms of sobriety etc.
All the best to you!