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Old 02-13-2010, 11:56 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Looking For Myself...Sober
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Originally Posted by intention View Post
In one of the meetings I go to they announce at the beginning.



What you see here etc

...Please let it stay it.

Gossip can lead to relapse

And relapse can kill
We have it as

Who you see here..
What you hear here..
When you leave here..
Let it stay here.


Here, Here!!
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Old 02-13-2010, 02:24 PM
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(((Trish)))

D
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Old 02-27-2010, 11:01 AM
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Looking For Myself...Sober
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I just had typed for like 20 mins and then right when I was wrapping my post up..The freakin thing disappears!! I had to take like 30 mins to cool down from that one. I can type at a good speed too, so it was alot of thoughts just lost into thin air.

Anyway..I feel alot better today. I spent a couple hours with my little cousins last night before they left for Florida today. Yep its that time of year again. The fam is going to Florida for a week.
Yall remember this time last year? I do!
I had rented my van for like a month strait complaining that I needed to get it back everyday. What a flipping joke I was. The only thing I wanted that van back for was so they would bring me more drugs. Lets be real people.
And all that freaking out over not getting into TC for like 3 weeks.
OK!! Who here knew I was full of ****??
I went through the motions, I did want to go, But not really. Just another stunt to avoid dealing with that mess I made for over a month strait.

One of my house peers relapsed on Heroin within the past couple days. Failed the UA. Got kicked out this morning.
We have like 5 other people who will be leabing in the next week. The house is going to be alot different for a few weeks.
I just got use to everyone.
I will be getting a room mate for the first time since I have been there. Yea, I got lucky and had a room all by myself for 2 mos. I will also be this person's buddy for 21 days. Meaning I will have a shadow for 21 days. No one can go anywhere by themselves fopr 21 days. I had to do it too.
Its going to be a little hectic getting these people settled in. We already have a few people who always feel the need to run ****.
I just step back and let em have at it. Its pretty funny at times to be honest.

I really havent been putting too much into this. Not like I need to be. I am physically doing what I am suppose to. But I am not using the program emotionally and mentally like I need to be. And thats where the real work is.
Anyone can bring their body to a meeting and group. But if your not there mentally. Just wasting time.
I am here for a reason. Might as well use this time well.
I am going to do start talkign and opening up more. Thats my goal for a couple weeks.
I need to ask abotu sponsors again. I will make another thread for that.
I still havent shared, but I will. Thats my biggest goal. To share at a meeting. i will do that before next weekend. And I need to get a sponsor.
I am ready for phase 2, I just need to get at leasta temp sponsor.
I am 1/3 of the way through this already!!

And right around the time I get home, a month or so later a new Big Lots is opening in my town and thats going to bring some jobs!
Everything is going wonderfully.
My gram is taken care of. I got a good tax return this year. I have given 100% to my gram so she can stay ahead of the bills and not behind.
My dad bought her a cell loaded with minutes. And my cousin bought her a converter box so she has tv now.
Thats how we do. I love my family. We all pull together. ALWAYS!!
So I can stay and not worry and she is good.

Well guys. Want to post abotu sponsorship too.
Miss all you guys!! I really need yall alot during the week. But I have to learn to trust my peers and these f2f people too. But yall will always be my number ones!!
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Old 02-27-2010, 11:27 AM
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((Trish)) - good to hear from you, and I'm even more glad to see that YOU realize you need to put more into what you're doing, in order to get more out of it....I'm really proud of you.

Someone had posted here about how their counselor had them work through a fear by imagining the absolute worst thing possible first...like "if I do this, is it going to cause the end of mankind? Am I going to die?", then work backward, but really put some thought into it...."is my family going to shun me forever?" kind of stuff. By the time you get to what the worst thing that might REALLY happen, you'll see that, though it's still a little scary, it's not really that bad. Maybe try this with your fear of speaking in the meetings? I've used it on a few things, lately and it works great!

I don't have much advice on a sponsor. I had a great one, but unfortunately didn't listen to her and that's when I discovered crack I'll leave that to the people with more ES&H. I'm really glad you checked in, and that you aren't running around doing the same stuff THIS year that you were LAST year!!

Love, hugs, and prayers!

Amy
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Old 02-27-2010, 03:38 PM
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It's great to see you becoming more and more self-aware (((Trish))

D
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Old 02-27-2010, 04:39 PM
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...

.."A happy person can enjoy the scenery,on a detour..ozy..xox.
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Old 02-27-2010, 04:41 PM
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Onya ((((Trish))))
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Old 02-28-2010, 10:50 AM
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I agree with Dee, it definitely sounds like you're a lot more self-aware these days - and you were quite introspective to begin with (or at least when you wanted to be, lol).

It sounds like you're getting lots out of this but, like you say, you're not giving it your all. Uhmm... It's weird, the way we all just seem to adapt to stuff (people in general, but I'm referring mostly to addicts here). Like someone will say "back when I was drinking two fifths of vodka a day", or "no, that was the *fourth* time I was in jail/detox/ hospital, not the second one"... and no one will bat an eyelash, cos we've all been there, in one way or another.

And it's like you're on a whole new level. Try to see it from the outside for a minute. There you are, in a place where you're monitored 24/7, everything you do is watched, your free time is extremely limited and controlled... never mind the condition of staying clean to be a part of it in the first place. You've adapted to it and find it funny and, again, that's what happens, we adapt... but when I read that one of your fellow peers had relapsed and gotten kicked out, my heart just skipped a beat. I personally find it really shocking, and I don't know if I could be in such a situation.

What I'm saying is... what you're doing is big and really challenging. Milk out anything and everything you can out of it. It takes a lot of guts and courage to be there, doing that. So go the extra mile. Or ten.

Love ya.
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Old 02-28-2010, 11:25 AM
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Thx matty.
It is hard. And I think alot of people think that we just sit around all day and that we have it made because we are in a halfway hoiuse. That couldnt be further mfrom the truth.
We are running all day and night.
From sun up to well past sun down. We only get one Sat a month free. Sundays we usually have off but most of us run that day too to go home and visit or do things we cant get done during the week.
During the week is hectic.
get up around 6am, get coffee, do chores, make breakfast, get dressed, go to IOP for 5 hrs, come right back and do house meetings, eat right after, then we get maybe 30 to 45 min bre4ak to get ready to go to town for a meeting. Which for alot of us takes the whole 4 hr pass because most of it is waiting and riding the bus!
Its alot some days. I need to stay in all day Sun every few weeks just to rest.
But it keeps me busy and I dont have much time to get home sick.
Thx again everyone.
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Old 03-06-2010, 02:17 PM
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Hey all, Dont have much time today. Just popping in and checking in.
I got a temp sponsor. I have taken a permanent chair position.
I made my next phase change in the house. I am now on phase 2. There are 3.
Everything is going good.
I got a new room mate and I am her buddy. So I have a shadow for 2 weeks. She is goin throguh some things with her husband. But she seems nice and friendly.
I am trying to get her to meetings and introduce her to people.
I have been talkign to people in meetings more. I even met another lady that will give me rides to them.
So all is well.
Hope everything is good with you guys.
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Old 03-06-2010, 02:22 PM
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Sounds good! Plus helping this other girl out will help you too. Congrats on finding someone to work with (a sponsor) and also on accepting a chair position. You are doing the deal--for real! Keep it up! We do recover.
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Old 03-06-2010, 02:45 PM
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((Trish)) - Way to go!!! So darned proud of you!

Love, hugs and prayers!

Amy
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