I'm lost and don't know how to help.

Old 02-05-2010, 11:22 AM
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Durant, OK
Posts: 4
I'm lost and don't know how to help.

My husband of 2 years in currently in medical detox from Loritabs. He admitted in the beginning that he was addicted to them. Now after he lost 2 jobs, and almost his son's life in a wreck, he is in rehab. I have been supportive thru everything and very glad he is in rehab, but I'm so scared of what will happen next. He is my best friend and I have noone else to talk to about this. I have no experience in this and I want him to succeed in this choice he made. I don't want to push him or say the wrong thing but to encourage his progress positively.
I am a pretty strong emotionally, but lately I haven't been. I just don't want to be selfish when I have been so unselfish for 2 yrs. Any advice or constructive critizism will be appreciated.
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Old 02-05-2010, 11:27 AM
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Go ask the Multivax
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Rehab was nothing but a positive experience for my husband and family. There should be a family and friends meeting soon that can help. There's also a family and friends section in this forum.

I wish you all the best!
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Old 02-05-2010, 11:38 AM
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Welcome to SR. Sorry you are in the position you are in. It has got to be difficult. You may have already found it, but I wanted to make sure. This is the section that Alizerin was talking about here.

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

I too wish you nothing but the best. You are welcome to post here as well, but the other might be of some important help to you.
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Old 02-05-2010, 01:03 PM
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Welcome to ST sixftover

I have no experience with your situation but I know many people who have come out of rehab and gone on from strength to strength

I wish you and your family well.

Do check out the F and F link Horselover left - you'll find a lot of experience and support there too

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Old 02-05-2010, 01:07 PM
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I wish you and your family the best, and I hope you find some support for yourself.
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Old 02-05-2010, 02:12 PM
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Welcome to SR! I am so glad you found us! I am CrackQuack, an addict (crack cocaine), one year clean. I have little experience with rehab/lockup (from my teen years). Sounds like your husband has learned some hard lessons and is taking the right steps to not repeat them! That is good. Always reward his progress and don't call him names when he slips up. He'll already be beating himself up, IF he relapses. As long as he wants help, just be there for him. He has to get and stay clean for himself. If he's truly ready to fight the battle with addiction, he has to do the work. The extent of my experience of living with an addict is the addict I lived with I used with. Both of us are addicts. And neither of us wanted to quit..
Soooo, I don't have much experience with living with an addict who is trying to get clean. I recommend you check out some alanon or naranon meetings. And definitely check out our friends and family forum. They have a LOT of experience, strength, hope, advice, love, tough love, and all that you will need to take care of YOURSELF first, so you can help your husband. But there is SO MUCH more to it. I hope everything works out with you two and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers!
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Old 02-06-2010, 12:48 PM
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Durant, OK
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I just want to say many many thanks to everyone for your responses. I was truly suprised and touched by the heart felt wishes. I now know I have found the right place for answers, resources, love, and support. God bless you all.
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Old 02-06-2010, 01:01 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Smithfield, VA
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There's not much I can say that hasn't already been said, but I do sincerely hope the best for you and your family. I'll keep you and your family in prayer as often as possible.

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Old 02-06-2010, 01:08 PM
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Attitude of Gratitude
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Location: Dayton, Ohio
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I applaude you for reaching out and trying to see what's the best thing you can do for him. I don't have any experience with living with the addict, because I am the addict. I can tell you from my perspective what did and didn't help me. By the Grace of God and a lot of hard work, I have been in Recovery for 4.5 years. My DOC (drug of choice) was opiates, just like your Husband is detoxing from.

I don't know how long he has been in detox, but it can be a really rough ride for the addict. Even though we're medicated, it still isn't an easy time. He's definately feeling a great deal of shame, embarressment, anger at himself, feeling guilty . . . I highly encourage you to go to some Naranon Meetings or you may find that there aren't too many of them, but you can go to Alanon. Even though your Husband's DOC isn't alcohol, it's the same concept, taking care of you throughout not only his detox but the days, weeks, months and years ahead.

This is a lifelong battle that your Husband will be dealing with. It's not like he can go into detox and come out fixed and healed. He'll need to attend Meetings, get a Sponsor, work closely with his Sponsor among other things. This is his fight, his battle, and as much as you want to help him, he has to do this on his own.

Support him when he goes to Meetings. There may come a time where he is going to a Meeting and you may say, "Again? Can't you just stay home with me tonight?" Don't make him feel like he has to choose between Meetings and you. Addiction is a disease, just like Cancer and Diabetes. Just as the Diabetic needs insulin, he'll need his Meetings, any inpatient/outpatient treatment, working with his Sponsor, etc.

Don't neglect what you need to do for yourself. As many have mentioned, the Friends and Family section on here is fantastic. So many people who can say that they have been exactly where you are right now and can offer their experience, strength and hope.

I'll keep you and your Husband in my Prayers. I'm happy that he admitted he has a problem and is getting help.

God Bless,
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Old 02-06-2010, 02:05 PM
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bona fido dog-lover
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Welcome to SR! I'm sure you'll find a lot of support and understanding here. :ghug3
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