Thread: I'm lost and don't know how to help.
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Old 02-06-2010, 12:08 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
serenityqueen
Attitude of Gratitude
 
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305


I applaude you for reaching out and trying to see what's the best thing you can do for him. I don't have any experience with living with the addict, because I am the addict. I can tell you from my perspective what did and didn't help me. By the Grace of God and a lot of hard work, I have been in Recovery for 4.5 years. My DOC (drug of choice) was opiates, just like your Husband is detoxing from.

I don't know how long he has been in detox, but it can be a really rough ride for the addict. Even though we're medicated, it still isn't an easy time. He's definately feeling a great deal of shame, embarressment, anger at himself, feeling guilty . . . I highly encourage you to go to some Naranon Meetings or you may find that there aren't too many of them, but you can go to Alanon. Even though your Husband's DOC isn't alcohol, it's the same concept, taking care of you throughout not only his detox but the days, weeks, months and years ahead.

This is a lifelong battle that your Husband will be dealing with. It's not like he can go into detox and come out fixed and healed. He'll need to attend Meetings, get a Sponsor, work closely with his Sponsor among other things. This is his fight, his battle, and as much as you want to help him, he has to do this on his own.

Support him when he goes to Meetings. There may come a time where he is going to a Meeting and you may say, "Again? Can't you just stay home with me tonight?" Don't make him feel like he has to choose between Meetings and you. Addiction is a disease, just like Cancer and Diabetes. Just as the Diabetic needs insulin, he'll need his Meetings, any inpatient/outpatient treatment, working with his Sponsor, etc.

Don't neglect what you need to do for yourself. As many have mentioned, the Friends and Family section on here is fantastic. So many people who can say that they have been exactly where you are right now and can offer their experience, strength and hope.

I'll keep you and your Husband in my Prayers. I'm happy that he admitted he has a problem and is getting help.

God Bless,
Judy
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