My Deal

Old 02-02-2010, 02:23 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Massachusetts
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My Deal

Here goes I'm here cause I guess that I'm just tired of waiting for the motivation of quiting alcohol to kick in, and just do it. Scared yes big time.
My story goes like this I'm a 39 year old male, and have had drinking issues off and on my whole life, but not like the last few months. I would say over the last few years I've gotten progressively worse. Since September when my wife of eight years asked me for a divorce I've probably been sober maybe six or seven nights total. Drunk all the others. I really can't do this anymore. I have to stop I've tried going to a therapist, aa meetings, nothing.
All I know is that I need to stop tonight will be night # one, but how can I be successful, and make this happen.
It's also very hard because of all the changes that I've been through since September wife moving out, selling the house, being on my own which I have never been. Any ideas?
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Old 02-02-2010, 02:51 PM
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I don't know of anyone who's just stopped, and everything gets better. Recovery takes a lot of effort and hard work, and the payoff is proportional to how much you put into it. It's about learning to live life on life's terms, without numbing ourselves with a drink or drug when the going gets rough.

Your story and mine have some similarities. My wife had an affair and decided she wanted a divorce, I went to my first AA meeting that day and I haven't found it necessary to take a drink since then. I went through her kicking me out of the house, living alone in an apartment, losing the right to see my kids 24/7, all of that and more without going back to my drug of choice. Easy? No. Necessary? Yes, if I wanted to live. My life was spiraling out of control fast and would only get worse if I continued to drink.

Welcome to SR Guy, there's living proof here that long-term sobriety is possible.
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Old 02-02-2010, 02:53 PM
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Astro thanks for the reply. I too feel like I'm starting to lose control in other parts of my life. I guess I just need to commit to this. I'm also sorry to hear about your situation.
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Old 02-02-2010, 02:57 PM
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Its not easy

The feelings of loneliness, boredom, being alone are all triggers which us alcoholics must deal with. It sounds to me like you have been drinking alone almost every night since September. You should really keep going to the therapist and AA meetings if you get ANYTHING out of them. Heck, maybe they are just good ways to spend time so you are not lonely and around a bottle.

The simplest trick I did to myself to get sober day 1,2,3,4, etc is that I know what times the liquor stores around me closed (midnight). So I would will myself to stay busy until midnight and at 12:01 I knew that I had nothing to drink and no way to get anything.

I've only been sober 17 days so I don't have a lot of answers other than every day is a different struggle and every day if you can stay away from the liquor stores just long enough... then you've accomplished another sober day.

Another thing i do is put an "S" on my calendar for each day sober. As dumb as it may sound I actually look forward to waking up and putting an S on my calendar and counting the days . GOOD LUCK. Just don't drink tonight.
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Old 02-02-2010, 02:57 PM
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Hi Guy

Welcome to SR.

I think it's fair to say that life has not been good for you recently, and that you're not happy. You need a better coping strategy than alcohol.

You say you tried AA and therapy - did you try other meetings of AA or a different sponsor? Did you explore other kinds of therapy or a different therapist?

It's down to us to quit - noone else can make that decision for us - but we have to find the right support...and sometimes I think that means trying as many different things as we can, or even the same thing again in different ways.

Heres a link to some recovery resources

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Old 02-02-2010, 03:00 PM
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Go ask the Multivax
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AA Worked for me. So it's the only experience I can draw from. I know I ended up in the rooms because nothing else worked. I was an utter slobbering mess. How long did you give the program a try for?

You've already made two little yet HUGE steps. You decided not to drink tonite and you posted here - You reached out. That's a big deal. :-)
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Old 02-02-2010, 03:03 PM
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Originally Posted by Guy View Post
I'm also sorry to hear about your situation.
I appreciate the sentiment Guy, but maybe I should've mentioned this....

I've been in AA almost 5 years, and in that time I've learned to live life on life's terms. And ya know, it's much better than I ever dreamed it would be. I got remarried recently, to a woman who's in recovery too, and last year we moved into a new home together. I've got more friends than I ever dreamed of having, most of them are in AA or another program. My kids and I have an incredible relationship together, and while I'd still like to be with them 100% of the time, I realize that when we're apart I need to be working on my recovery. Life has never been better, I have no complaints and when I fall into self-pity it never lasts long.

Being clean and sober has a way of showering our life with so many spiritual gifts. But like I said it takes determination and work. Nothing good happens if I'm not willing to put some effort into it.
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Old 02-02-2010, 03:06 PM
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Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
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Glad to see you here with us
Congratulations on seeking a healthier sober life.

I really wish you had checked with your doctor about the
safest way for you to de tox. It's a medical issue
and can be dangerous

Anyway.....we do have info and some of our experiences
Please do read this....

Recovery Really Rocks.....
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Old 02-02-2010, 03:09 PM
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Karma Amputee
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Welcome Guy!

Give it up for Guys from Massachusetts gettin sober!

I'm one of em, and know more than a few of em. Good luck!
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Old 02-02-2010, 03:11 PM
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Easy? No. Necessary? Yes, if I wanted to live. My life was spiraling out of control fast and would only get worse if I continued to drink.

That says it for me. I hadn't hit any 'real' bottom yet but my life was still a mess and not getting better. I tried and failed many times but am happily sober today. Feels better when I wake up each day and a lot simpler to manage.

I'm glad you found us and joined the family. We're here to give you support and information to help you get and stay sober. It keeps us sober too.

Welcome to SR!
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Old 02-02-2010, 03:19 PM
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Attitude of Gratitude
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Glad you found us, Guy. My addiction cost me two marriages so I can relate to how you're feeling. Many of us have lost so many things due to our disease. But, this is a disease that doesn't have to cost you anymore than it already has.

I hope you'll give AA another shot. I had went to Meetings many times over the 25 years that I half a$$ tried to stay Clean. I thought that AA just wasn't going to "work" for me, but then I realized it wasn't AA that didn't work. It was me not working the Program of AA. I had to be willing to go to any length and all those other times, I wasn't willing to. When I hit my bottom, everything changed. Hopefully this is your bottom and you're ready to go to any length.

SR is a great place where you can get a lot of support. You'll also find out that so many others have the same thoughts and feelings that you do. For me, that was pretty darn comforting. Continue to read around the newcomers forum and check out the alcoholism forum as well. Share as much as you're comfortable with and just take things One Day at A Time.

God Bless,
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Old 02-02-2010, 08:04 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Massachusetts
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Thank you all for your kind words, and advise. I can see that I'll learn a lot here. I made it past ten, and the liqueur store right next to my apartment complex is now closed. Day one down I know from experience day two is going to be more difficult. But I'm going to try.
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Old 02-02-2010, 08:17 PM
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Welcome to SR, Guy. We're glad you're here. Stick real close to SR during this early time....
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Old 02-02-2010, 08:24 PM
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Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
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Good going on day one and welcome to SR.

IMO having having some plan to follow and support is the key to positive lifestyle changes. I use SMART Recovery tools as a big component of my addiction treatment plan and SoberRecovery offers me plenty of support. Keep making progress . As I see it, life is good even with the ups and downs without harmful substances.
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