How_do_you_do_it?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: My world
Posts: 379
How_do_you_do_it?
I've have this burning question I wanted to direct to members working a full recovery plan:
How do you manage to fit everything into your new sober life?
Full time work, commute, family, kids, caring for sick relatives, housework, cooking, even pets and then meetings, meditation and relaxation in there somehow.
How do you do it?
How do you manage to fit everything into your new sober life?
Full time work, commute, family, kids, caring for sick relatives, housework, cooking, even pets and then meetings, meditation and relaxation in there somehow.
How do you do it?
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
Actually, it's easier now that I'm sober cause I'm now able to deal with my life without the interence of alcohol. When I was drinking I let a lot of things go, didn't take care of them, cause of being half drunk and unable to go places and do things. Now, if something comes up, I don't have to make excuses why I can't come over, help out, or take someone someplace.
I still have the same hours in the day, just don't feel sick or incapacitated any more.
I still have the same hours in the day, just don't feel sick or incapacitated any more.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Hicktown, PA
Posts: 1,479
Hi Saphie, It's hard, isnt' it, to fit more stuff into an already full schedule? Things happened kind of naturally for me, because I wasted a lot of time when I was drinking. I was mainly an evening drinker, and I didn't get much accomplished between the hours of 5 -10 pm most days, to put it kindly. Once I started feeling the energy come back, and I started to make wise use of that time, I got a lot more accomplished.
However, that isn't always enough. As a working mom, I know how hard it is to make time for yourself, but you MUST remember that your whole family is counting on your recovery! So, make that a priority. If necessary, make a list of what absolutely MUST be done today, put the list away for a few minutes, then look at it again. Is there anything that can be removed? Also, don't be afraid to delegate...to your kids, your partner, your family, your friends....especially in early sobriety.
And be careful with your "musts"...if your kids are little, for example, MUST you clean up all the toys off the floor every evening? MUST you put a homecooked dinner on the table, or would sandwiches and tinned soup and the like do for the next few weeks?
Be gentle with yourself, make your recovery a priority, and let go of the little things.
Good luck!
Jomey
However, that isn't always enough. As a working mom, I know how hard it is to make time for yourself, but you MUST remember that your whole family is counting on your recovery! So, make that a priority. If necessary, make a list of what absolutely MUST be done today, put the list away for a few minutes, then look at it again. Is there anything that can be removed? Also, don't be afraid to delegate...to your kids, your partner, your family, your friends....especially in early sobriety.
And be careful with your "musts"...if your kids are little, for example, MUST you clean up all the toys off the floor every evening? MUST you put a homecooked dinner on the table, or would sandwiches and tinned soup and the like do for the next few weeks?
Be gentle with yourself, make your recovery a priority, and let go of the little things.
Good luck!
Jomey
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
I will share with you what a counselor in detox suggested to me, he asked me if I was willing to spend as much time working on my recovery as I did drinking?
Well I drank every day from at least 1 PM until oblivion or bed.
For me it was easy to fit all that in once I no longer spent any time drinking.
Full time work - I managed that while drinking.
commute - Well I have a 45 minute commute so I handle prayer, some relaxation, & sometimes because traffic is always light when I commute I even do a bit of meditation.
family - I started spending more "Quality" time with my family now, then I ever did while drunk, even with meetings. When I first got sober I went to at least one meeting a day and still spent real "Quality" time with my family.
kids - See above, but add in that when I take them on vacation or fishing I am not drinking, I am spending sober time with them.
caring for sick relatives - I do not have any right now, but if I did I am sure I could fit in some prayer & meditation and I would actually be doing service work. (Service work is not limited to AA)
housework - Most of it is mundane enough to allow for prayer & meditation.
cooking - Most of it is mundane enough to allow for prayer & meditation.
pets - Petting, feeding, & grooming them is relaxing if you really think about it.
meetings - I make the time no matter what, I get there a bit early when I can and sometimes squeeze in a bit of prayer & meditation.
It all seems hard at first, but in time I started to find time for all of it. Some folks get up 1/2 hour early for meditation & prayer. It is far easier to get up a bit early when one is not hung over.
Give it time, pay attention to your day, you will find your self starting to find time you were just not using fully.
Well I drank every day from at least 1 PM until oblivion or bed.
For me it was easy to fit all that in once I no longer spent any time drinking.
Full time work - I managed that while drinking.
commute - Well I have a 45 minute commute so I handle prayer, some relaxation, & sometimes because traffic is always light when I commute I even do a bit of meditation.
family - I started spending more "Quality" time with my family now, then I ever did while drunk, even with meetings. When I first got sober I went to at least one meeting a day and still spent real "Quality" time with my family.
kids - See above, but add in that when I take them on vacation or fishing I am not drinking, I am spending sober time with them.
caring for sick relatives - I do not have any right now, but if I did I am sure I could fit in some prayer & meditation and I would actually be doing service work. (Service work is not limited to AA)
housework - Most of it is mundane enough to allow for prayer & meditation.
cooking - Most of it is mundane enough to allow for prayer & meditation.
pets - Petting, feeding, & grooming them is relaxing if you really think about it.
meetings - I make the time no matter what, I get there a bit early when I can and sometimes squeeze in a bit of prayer & meditation.
It all seems hard at first, but in time I started to find time for all of it. Some folks get up 1/2 hour early for meditation & prayer. It is far easier to get up a bit early when one is not hung over.
Give it time, pay attention to your day, you will find your self starting to find time you were just not using fully.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
What I have found, Saphie, is that time management around recovery is one of those paradoxes. When I was drinking, I never had time to do anything I wanted, so it seemed. Now that I've been sober for a while, the time just seems to come.
And the real funny paradox is, the more I focus on recovery, the more time I seem to have. I'll get feeling overwhelmed sometimes with full time job, family, meetings I love, and especially working with new guys. But then I remember the phrase on pg 163 about tapping into a power greater than myself. I don't have to worry or be afraid about how I'm going to manage all of this. I don't have to manage it. My job is to be of maximum service.
When I focus on that, I always find the time for the new guy and for the family and work and everything else.
And the real funny paradox is, the more I focus on recovery, the more time I seem to have. I'll get feeling overwhelmed sometimes with full time job, family, meetings I love, and especially working with new guys. But then I remember the phrase on pg 163 about tapping into a power greater than myself. I don't have to worry or be afraid about how I'm going to manage all of this. I don't have to manage it. My job is to be of maximum service.
When I focus on that, I always find the time for the new guy and for the family and work and everything else.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 113
Great post, Saphie!
Interesting timing for me as well. I was about to walk out the door last night for my 7:30 meeting when my son, age 6, stopped me and said, "Daddy, please tell your bosses to stop making you go to meetings at night because I miss you."
To say that tugged at my heart strings would be the understatement of the year! At the same time, I know that what I'm doing is the right thing for me as well as for my family. One day I'll explain all of this to my son and I hope and pray it will help him in making wise decisions as he matures.
Work was hard the first week as I felt my entire day was wrapped up in one thing - not drinking. That said, I'm finding my way back to actually being productive during the day and a better father/husband in the evenings.
As Taz mentioned above, I spent my evenings from 5ish on drinking wine until I stumbled to bed. It's amazing how much more you can get done when you're sober!
God Bless
RacerX
Interesting timing for me as well. I was about to walk out the door last night for my 7:30 meeting when my son, age 6, stopped me and said, "Daddy, please tell your bosses to stop making you go to meetings at night because I miss you."
To say that tugged at my heart strings would be the understatement of the year! At the same time, I know that what I'm doing is the right thing for me as well as for my family. One day I'll explain all of this to my son and I hope and pray it will help him in making wise decisions as he matures.
Work was hard the first week as I felt my entire day was wrapped up in one thing - not drinking. That said, I'm finding my way back to actually being productive during the day and a better father/husband in the evenings.
As Taz mentioned above, I spent my evenings from 5ish on drinking wine until I stumbled to bed. It's amazing how much more you can get done when you're sober!
God Bless
RacerX
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Prayer in morning and evening - 10 minutes total
Reading literature - 5 minutes total
2 meetings a week - 2 hours and thirty minutes total (including getting there and back)
Conscious contact with God - all the time whilst doing daily stuff
As Joe and Charlie say i dont have time for meditation or chanting, i am a busy person;-)
Reading literature - 5 minutes total
2 meetings a week - 2 hours and thirty minutes total (including getting there and back)
Conscious contact with God - all the time whilst doing daily stuff
As Joe and Charlie say i dont have time for meditation or chanting, i am a busy person;-)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
I like Sugah and justanotherdrunk's post. So simple...........when you ARE working a program.
I don't do nearly what I did when I was new and hitting meetings constantly. However I utilize my tools everyday and not matter what, no matter what, good or bad, I DO NOT PICK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am worth and it and no person, place or thing is not.
One second, one minute, one hour, one day at a time.
I don't do nearly what I did when I was new and hitting meetings constantly. However I utilize my tools everyday and not matter what, no matter what, good or bad, I DO NOT PICK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am worth and it and no person, place or thing is not.
One second, one minute, one hour, one day at a time.
Don't resist, allow
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
I was told in the Tao it says words to the effect of "if you want to get something done, do nothing"
I get this. As soon as I let go and just let God, everything starts happening, working, getting done.
When I ran the show myself I was constantly working, making lists, prioritising, .........and nothing ever seemed to get done.
I get this. As soon as I let go and just let God, everything starts happening, working, getting done.
When I ran the show myself I was constantly working, making lists, prioritising, .........and nothing ever seemed to get done.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
One thing that became clear to me as I began my recovery, was that I had to slow down and stop trying to be all things to all people. It wasn't working and I needed to change my life.
So, I was very blessed to be able to work part-time, which gave me some time to focus on my physical issues. I spend time reading which has been crucial to my recovery. And, I love spending time here at SR.
So, I was very blessed to be able to work part-time, which gave me some time to focus on my physical issues. I spend time reading which has been crucial to my recovery. And, I love spending time here at SR.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
No I did not have family committments to consider
but.......
I went to AA before work or on my lunch time.
On weekends....I liked Noon or 8 p.m. as
I had more time to socialize/fellowship.
Being single in early recovery has different problems
finding new non drinking friends was vital for me.
but.......
I went to AA before work or on my lunch time.
On weekends....I liked Noon or 8 p.m. as
I had more time to socialize/fellowship.
Being single in early recovery has different problems
finding new non drinking friends was vital for me.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,383
This maybe OT to what you were asking Saphie but I'm a bit like Anna - I found I was actually doing a lot of things for other people they could do themselves - kind of a control freak codependency thing.
I've learned, and am still learning, to not sweat the small stuff - I'm learning to prioritise and focus on the things I really need to do...and let the rest go.
The things all get still get done - but maybe not by me, and maybe not today.
D
I've learned, and am still learning, to not sweat the small stuff - I'm learning to prioritise and focus on the things I really need to do...and let the rest go.
The things all get still get done - but maybe not by me, and maybe not today.
D
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