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Thought process

Old 01-31-2010, 02:37 PM
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20/12/09
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Thought process

Hi Everyone

Its been 44 days since I last drank. I know in myself that that is a wonderful thing so am able to pat myself on the back for it.

I havent been through rehab or had any other formal medical assistance since I started and have done it through AA and here oh with the exception of my psych who I have seen once and more to do with my panic disorder.

So I have had some pretty amazing days. There are days where everything is absolutely brilliant and I am loving sobriety and am grateful for the journey.

There are other days, like today, that I dont feel good at all. Its the emotional rollercoaster. I am not here saying that I dont feel good so that I will go and drink, but the emotions really suck!

I am supposed to be at work today - but I took a mental health day. I needed to be alone and gather my thoughts and put everything back into perspective.

Ok so, I feel flat, like I dont care to do anything (even though I have a tonne of things needing to get done - even today). I am snappy and short tempered, tired even though I get plenty of sleep, my brain talks to me non stop..

I have been told a million times - this too shall pass, it will all settle itself down but far out I am over waiting. I dont have patience and I used to have it in abundance. Im aggrivated by the silliest things and irritated by everything else.

How am I supposed to continue my full time job, be professional, keep up my relationship that has problems, take care of my dog, continue my friendships, see my family and manage my sobriety.

It is overwhelming but its reality. Anyone who says stop doing those things doesnt have to deal with it all. I dont have loads of friends I HAVE to see but I wont stop hanging with my best friends and besides, they just had a baby and its a positive thing for me.

My family are important to me - they are my solid rocks and I cherish that.

My dog needs attention like kids need attention and she is craving it lately.

My job sucks but I have to do it....

My relationship - well its in the middle of some big change and it cant be ignored but I am not putting everything I used to into it so I guess that has taken a step back..

In there somewhere comes meetings and trying to read the Big Book and 12 Steps and Traditions and working the steps and remembering to call a woman I want to be my sponsor...

Ok, so typing all of that just made me see, I am feeling overwhelmed.....now how to take that out without physically changing the responsibilities I have...

Hmmmm

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Old 01-31-2010, 03:28 PM
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(((hugs))) Hang in there. My dogs are a big reason to stay sober as they both have special needs and I want to take good care of them.
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Old 01-31-2010, 03:42 PM
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Hi lionheart

It does pass...and there are days it comes back again..and then it passes again LOL.
I think it's a part of life for many people, recovering or not.

44 days is great, but in the grand scheme of things it's just a blip, LH. You're still healing, mentally and physically.

Don't worry about next week or six months from now. Don't worry about having to deal with everything today. Stay in the day - do what you can or what you need to today...and pick the rest up tomorrow.


D
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Old 01-31-2010, 03:46 PM
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Hang in there. Sure my situation is very different to yours but I can relate to the emotional rollercoaster you describe. I don't know what else to say other than just hang in there and stay away from that first drink. I relate to the fact of not drinking not really being the issue per se, but instead feeling flat about yourself and life in general.

I had 8 days solid over xmas through to NYE where I would describe my mood as 'dark'. I felt how you describe very much and my mind was constantly racing back and forth wondering wtf it's all about. Keep the faith that you will come through the otherside and the reward from it will be peace, serenity and strength. It was for me anyway.

Keep The Faith xxx
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Old 01-31-2010, 03:49 PM
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Hi Lionheart im only seven days into my abstinance.. I Think if you caved in now you will
still have all those issues to deal with... only with a hangover and a whole lot of negative
emotions... Wish i were at 44 days i had a day today like that with only seven sober days an if i fold now i know i,ll feel so much worse, am not qualified an experienced in
a succesfull track record of abstinence i hope to get there though.... am pretty sure
all that will pass sticking to your guns... As im led to beleive from many here who have
gone through all this an come out the other side... GOODLUCK, things have a way of
workin themselves out when you know your doin the right thing?
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Old 01-31-2010, 03:58 PM
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i sometimes feel really short. i'm a single mom, i work, i go to school for a master's degree, i have four pets (including a dog), friends and family, and sometimes i think i would just love to hide away. but we manage these things... its good to vent and get it out when they feel like too much. oh, and on top of it, i am trying to manage my inner control freak... yep, trying to control the control freak in me . you're not alone in this thing... i don't think there is some magic answer, its just that, as cliche as it sounds, its part of being alive: truly present, even if being present makes you want to pull your hair out sometimes.

gg
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Old 01-31-2010, 04:09 PM
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20/12/09
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For some REALLY stange reason, just writing it out here gave me a pep up so I went and started reading the 12 steps - got to the third one! awesome hey!

Moving my butt along and going to do things around the house - read some stuff in the book that made me think I am on the right path and to stop stressing over the small stuff...

get back to basics - one day at a time and all the other things you all keep telling me...its works, i just for a moment wanted to throw it out...not drink but didnt want to hear all that...its just me being stubborn really!

I honestly appreciate your words of encouragement and support!

Dee - im working on more days it passes than comes back...work with me here :rotfxko

Least - she is a gem, just a little clingy at the moment wanting her Ma to show her attention, so we are doing that today, although all she has done so far is sleep - as long as she is VERY close or on me, she is ok.

Ghostgirl - wow, I admire you! that is alot but my best friend tells me that women are just able to do it (no offence to men, we werent discussing the male ability) and she has 4 kids, 2 pets, works full time, studies part time...bit much like you i think...wow...i just admire you both! Im sure if put to the test I could do it but I so dont want to lol I hear the control thing - i just spoke about it in the steps forum...

I am working VERY hard on being here, present and running with whatever mood or situation I am in - I just get frustrated at not having it consistent - and that in itself sounds insane coz life isnt consistent and i even wouldnt want it to be...see typing this out just helps!

Ok well off to play with pooch and do some household stuff so the day off work isnt wasted entirely!

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Old 01-31-2010, 04:19 PM
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Dee - im working on more days it passes than comes back...work with me here
yes!

D
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Old 01-31-2010, 04:31 PM
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How am I supposed to continue my full time job, be professional, keep up my relationship that has problems, take care of my dog, continue my friendships, see my family and manage my sobriety.
....

life in the "wide screen"..........rather than the rounded off small screen i looked through while drinking.......

its difficult isnt it.........sometimes growing that new skin seemed overwhelming....jeeeeeez i just wanna curl up under the duvet and let the world roll by........its way to hectic for me...

your right where your supposed to be.........in early sobriety.
pause as often as possible........get that step work nailed with a sponsor.
in time your take bigger strides....

and remember its ok to be frightened and overwhelmed sometimes.

god be with you.
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Old 01-31-2010, 07:12 PM
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20/12/09
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I called my sponsor - well the woman I would like to be my sponsor today and asked if we could get together this week to discuss it. So hoping that happens either Tuesday night or Wed before the usual meeting.

OH I sooo wanted to crawl up in a ball this morning, most def! But I got on her and also kicked my own butt into gear..writing does amazing things for me!

Its REALLY great to hear that I am where I should be in early sobriety - sometimes that reassurance really helps!

thanks
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Old 01-31-2010, 09:41 PM
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lionheart,
Ia little more ahead of you, 76 days, but I've been in a real black mood over my job. My job situation is what got me sober really. That's the only good thing that happened, now I deal with the job, only I do it sober.
I have up and down days also. I don't fight the pain my inner struggles bring, I look at it, observe it, and it passes.

Hard times always pass, they're not permanent.
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Old 02-01-2010, 04:09 AM
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20/12/09
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Went to my meeting tonight...and chaired it for the first time..now they want me to do it for 6 weeks....

Came home in a better frame of mind too...

The day is good!
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Old 02-01-2010, 04:40 AM
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So happy to hear things got better for you.

When I read your post, I remembered feeling exactly the same way and recalled what my sponsor said to me about what to do when feeling overwhelmed:

"Call your sponsor and anyone else who supports you. The more people you talk to about how you feel, the more that burden is removed from your shoulders." There's something about saying it out loud, [typing], that breaks the burden down and the tension about it is significantly lessened.

Also, as others have suggested, I was advised to do only what I could do for today. Just because we got sober doesn't mean we become superwoman overnight

Ask: "what can I do today?" and do those things. Everything else will follow...

Take care. Good call on the mental health day. I'm feeling like I'm due one of those myself...:rotfxko
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