Thread: Thought process
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Old 01-31-2010, 01:37 PM
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lionheart
20/12/09
 
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 199
Thought process

Hi Everyone

Its been 44 days since I last drank. I know in myself that that is a wonderful thing so am able to pat myself on the back for it.

I havent been through rehab or had any other formal medical assistance since I started and have done it through AA and here oh with the exception of my psych who I have seen once and more to do with my panic disorder.

So I have had some pretty amazing days. There are days where everything is absolutely brilliant and I am loving sobriety and am grateful for the journey.

There are other days, like today, that I dont feel good at all. Its the emotional rollercoaster. I am not here saying that I dont feel good so that I will go and drink, but the emotions really suck!

I am supposed to be at work today - but I took a mental health day. I needed to be alone and gather my thoughts and put everything back into perspective.

Ok so, I feel flat, like I dont care to do anything (even though I have a tonne of things needing to get done - even today). I am snappy and short tempered, tired even though I get plenty of sleep, my brain talks to me non stop..

I have been told a million times - this too shall pass, it will all settle itself down but far out I am over waiting. I dont have patience and I used to have it in abundance. Im aggrivated by the silliest things and irritated by everything else.

How am I supposed to continue my full time job, be professional, keep up my relationship that has problems, take care of my dog, continue my friendships, see my family and manage my sobriety.

It is overwhelming but its reality. Anyone who says stop doing those things doesnt have to deal with it all. I dont have loads of friends I HAVE to see but I wont stop hanging with my best friends and besides, they just had a baby and its a positive thing for me.

My family are important to me - they are my solid rocks and I cherish that.

My dog needs attention like kids need attention and she is craving it lately.

My job sucks but I have to do it....

My relationship - well its in the middle of some big change and it cant be ignored but I am not putting everything I used to into it so I guess that has taken a step back..

In there somewhere comes meetings and trying to read the Big Book and 12 Steps and Traditions and working the steps and remembering to call a woman I want to be my sponsor...

Ok, so typing all of that just made me see, I am feeling overwhelmed.....now how to take that out without physically changing the responsibilities I have...

Hmmmm

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