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Day 18 here, and doing just fine!

Old 01-17-2010, 04:24 PM
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Day 18 here, and doing just fine!

Wow, I have not felt this good in a long time. I guess it's true that when you're done, you're done. I'm done.

It's day 18 for me, and though I still have cravings and thoughts about drinking, I have been able to remind myself that I'm through with pretending that I can go back to drinking like I did when I was younger. I'm just not that person anymore and there's nowhere this is going to lead me that is any good if I don't just stop.

What I'm saying is that I tried very hard, but I could not successfully moderate my drinking in a way that would assure that I would not eventually go off the deep end and wind up where I was 19 days ago, with my head in the toilet, so drunk that I thought I was puking up blood because I'd been drinking red wine all night.

You know what? I'm not going back there again, and it feels great. No more hangovers, no more guilt, shame and embarrassment, no more. Today, life feels good.

There is a lot for me to sort through over these next few months, I know. There are deep-seated reasons for all the drinking I did, and I need to face them. Somehow, this time, I believe that's going to be okay.

For today, I am sober and :day6 it's quite a gift!
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Old 01-17-2010, 04:58 PM
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Old 01-17-2010, 05:04 PM
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Wow, Laura, what a great post!

And, good for you for 'getting it' that you need to deal with the underlying issues. And, you know, I bet you are ready for it, and I bet you will find the journey a fascinating one.
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Old 01-17-2010, 05:38 PM
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Congrats Laura.
It is a wonderful revelation when we finally see that nothing good can come from our drinking.
It took me a long time to realize it.
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Old 01-17-2010, 06:46 PM
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Congrats Laura!!!

Go easy on your self on fixing thing as it is not always possible to fix things as fast as we like. You're doing great!
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Old 01-17-2010, 06:51 PM
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Hi LauraS, (((((Higs)))))

Awesome Awakening!! xo You are a success story in the making sweetie! I so agree...Sobriety IS a Gift! :day6

Thank you for sharing!

Love Pancake xo
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Old 01-17-2010, 09:52 PM
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Thank you all! It is so great to have this group to come to. You all make all the difference.

Tonight I went with my husband to a little birthday party-- almost everyone there was drinking good champagne and beer, but I just sat there with my sparkling water in a glass and hung out, talking with whoever happened by, and reading a magazine.

The host of the party has been sober for many years, and we talked just a little bit about it after I told him I was on the wagon--again. He was telling me a bit about his own story and giving up drinking, relapsing, and having to give up again. I felt a little uncomfortable because we know him pretty well, and here I am basically admitting to my alkie friend and his wife that I am a drunk (not like they don't already know that, I guess) and that I've finally had enough, while there is all this drinking going on around us. I can't say I wouldn't have loved to have some of that champagne, but I guess having him there helped keep me sober tonight.

Home now, and feeling good that I got through it. One more day done, one day at a time.

((((hugs))))
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Old 01-17-2010, 10:13 PM
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Laura - I am so happy that you're doing so well! You said something that struck me...that the guilt, shame and embarrassment are gone now. I'm feeling that way too, mostly. It's pretty amazing to me, because 3 weeks ago (I'm on day 22), I would've sworn that the awful feelings I harbored toward my self, my core being would possibly NEVER go away. Maybe it's because each day we're building our self-respect vs. tearing it away one drink or ten at a time?
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Old 01-17-2010, 10:20 PM
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Originally Posted by humblestudent View Post
Laura - I am so happy that you're doing so well! You said something that struck me...that the guilt, shame and embarrassment are gone now. I'm feeling that way too, mostly. It's pretty amazing to me, because 3 weeks ago (I'm on day 22), I would've sworn that the awful feelings I harbored toward my self, my core being would possibly NEVER go away. Maybe it's because each day we're building our self-respect vs. tearing it away one drink or ten at a time?
Yes, I think that's true. I know that alcohol did lots of things to me and one of the worst was that it depressed me horribly.

The guilt and the shame that was built upon the stupid drunk stuff... well, that cycle is over and done now, and I know I never have to go there again. It's not that I don't have to work on where it came from or what all the drunk stuff created in my life, but I no longer have to keep adding to the pile. I can start cleaning it up, instead. That seems like a very good realization to come to, and it's certainly uplifting my spirits today!
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Old 01-18-2010, 05:46 AM
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Hi Laura,

Well done....especially at that party.

I know what you mean about being done. I'm done too. I know there is no way back now so its a real relief.

Keep working it and enjoy the daily journey of recovery and all the joys it brings

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