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Old 12-30-2009, 03:31 AM
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Hello

Would like to first say, A great forum, Reading up on various topics.


A 28 year old male. No kids, Great job, Very private person until now. Would like to get this off my shoulders.

Think of myself as weird, never read / heard another situation as this.

Drink 3-4 a week, Not a bar type of person. If friends invite me to a bar, Have only water then drink at home. Have a great social life with out booze.

Had a steady girlfriend of 6 years since the age of 18, We are still good friends 4 years with out intimacy ( 10 years knowing her ) She speaks positive words about myself to her family etc... We broke up because of general growing apart. Many Girlfriends since then, Can't commit fully and break off the relationships.

Never drank on the job, no dui's, no criminal record.


Love booze, drink it alone and actually plan it each time of night and figure out how many hours ahead of time for work to get sober.
Have a CDL license of 7 years. Had 2 jobs in 7 years. Never was fired.


Drink a 5th of whiskey each time. Shut out the world of contacting myself at the times. This has been going on for 10 years.


Is their many closet alcoholics like myself?
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Old 12-30-2009, 04:47 AM
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Welcome to SR Mixer10

Well, I think many of us preferred drinking at home, Mixer 10 - I know I did. Less chance of embarrassment, I could drink as much as I wanted and had only to fall into bed.
By the end of my drinking days I ended up almost never drinking on the very few occasions I was at a bar, cos I knew if I started I'd never stop - I used to stay the minimum time, uncomfortable as anything, then rush home to drink.

I hope you find all the help and support you want here
D
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Old 12-30-2009, 04:53 AM
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Well I started out as a social HEAVY drinker who finished the job when I got home, as the years passed my drinking became more and more isolated untli the last 5 years of my drinking where 99% of my drinking was done alone in my garage every day drinking.

I drank for 40 years and in looking at my drinking over those 40 years, the experts are right, alcoholism is a progressive disease, as long as one keeps on drinking their alcoholism gets worse, it never levels off, as long as we drink it gets worse.

My first marriage lasted 17 years, I feel my drinking did have an impact on the marriage, but it could not have been all that bad at that time because my 1st wife gave custody of our 3 kids to me. My present marriage was at the 14 year mark and was all but over due entirely to my drinking. As my wife told me, the kids and I will be gone in about a month because I will not let them watch you drink yourself to death.

I only had one DUI in those 40 years, probably should have had a thousand. I never lost a job, but did have some issues due to drinking a few times.

I have been sober over 3 years now thanks to a doctor, detox, AA, & a power far greater then myself. In AA my story is pretty darn common, but there are the party animals who most of the time drank in bars for many years, tons of DUIs, a lot of folks who have been in and out of jail, prison, & institutions.

The one thing we all have in common is basically we are garden variety alcoholcs who all thought we were quite unique. It turns out that we all discovered a common solution for our drinking problems that also turned out to be a great solution when applied to our day to day lifes.

Mixer you are far from being alone, there are millions like you, there are also several million people who were like you in regards to thier drinking who have found recovery in AA and other long term recovery programs.

Mixer the sooner one decides to face thier alcoholism the easier they are able to begin going down the path of recovery, either in AA or some other program.

Why not give AA a try to begin with or some other recovery program?

What do you have to lose?
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Old 12-30-2009, 05:05 AM
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Ditto.

Used to stay holed-up alone, drinking, and even shut my phone off so nobody would hear the slurring in my voice if they called me (and also because early on I had a penchant for thinking everybody in the world wanted to hear from me when I called them at 2am)!

I thought my drinking was fooling everyone, until recycling day came...then I'd put the 2 bins or so out with bottles clanking and the disposal guy saying out loud (no lie) - 'wow, some party there was here...' Little did he know it was a party of ONE!

I was that sick - didn't even bother to "hide" the bottles. Insane. Anyway, been there, don't wanna go back. I used to think drinking alone, staying deep in my thoughts somehow made me feel more insightful...until the day came when I couldn't stand being in my own skin anymore. It was horrible. No matter where I went, I was there with myself and I hated it.

I also planned when, what, and how much I was going to drink. I played the "rotate the liquor store" game so the same clerks wouldn't see me at the same store every day. Classic alcoholic moves and thinking and dangerous games where I was never the winner.

I know exactly where you're at and it's good to see you here.

Welcome!
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Old 12-30-2009, 05:14 AM
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Humble- I almost feel like I was reading my own story. I too would put my phone on silent so I would not have to talk to anyone while I drank at home alone. And much like you, I would go from one store to another so not to be "noticed".

I am only on day three and just threw out all the empty beer boxes this morning. It was eye opening to see how many I had to throw away from such a short period of time.

Mixer- Welcome to SR and I hope that you find it as beneficial as I have in this short period of time.
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Old 12-30-2009, 06:28 AM
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Mixer, you are not alone!

I also drank at home alone. That was the preferred method to my madness.

The great thing is that you don't have to drink. This is a great place for support. Please continue to reach out.
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Old 12-30-2009, 01:01 PM
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Welcome to SR and as you can see, there are many that are/were in your shoes. You can be sober and happy. It is possible and there are alot around here that are sober, happy, and complete.
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Old 12-30-2009, 02:23 PM
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Mixer, I drank out with friends, but in the last 3 - 4 years it has been mostly alone.

And I did the 'hours calculation' thing too for getting up for work! I found that a meal could give me an extra hour of drinking, because it would reduce the hangover. Sometimes my 'math' would be off, and I'd miss work, especially in the last couple of years.

Welcome to Sober Recovery. I am fairly new here myself, and I have been surprised and comforted to learn that I am not alone in this.

There is great information available here, and even greater people, so stick around
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Old 12-30-2009, 02:39 PM
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..my god it is sick, isn't it? Alcoholic math. Frig......I used to calculate the percentage of my beers x the cans I would have divided by the hours of sleep etc etc.

I used to be super social..go out with friends often..but in the last year or so I would prefer to stay home and get my drink on alone. When I'd get hammered at bars, I'd just get escorted out the door anyway, so might as well be home right?

Anyhow, mixer...welcome!
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Old 12-30-2009, 02:41 PM
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About 3 years ago I had a business deal with two good friends go south and found myself drinking during the day for the first time in my life. I thought it was just temporary because I was upset. Over time I started drinking more and more during the day. And then more at night to "help me sleep" and stop my mind from racing. Up until about a week ago I was drinking an entire bottle of champagne during the day and an entire magnum of wine at night. It was definitely getting worse.

I wasn't sure exactly how bad my problem was until I came to SR. I see myself in so many of the stories and now I just shake my head wondering "what was I thinking?".

I found a lot of reasons to run and hide and avoid my real life and 'who I was' and alcohol was great for that. My big thing was watching TV and gambling online. Those two things combined with alcohol cost me a lot of time and a lot of money, respectively. But I accomplished my mission. I successfully avoided dealing with my life for other three years.

But thanks to the stories I've read and the support I feel from SR, I'm ready to get that life back and be a happy, healthy productive person again... I just hope I can make it. Currently I'm about 10 days sober.
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Old 12-30-2009, 03:01 PM
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Think of myself as weird, never read / heard another situation as this.

Drink 3-4 a week, Not a bar type of person. If friends invite me to a bar, Have only water then drink at home. Have a great social life with out booze.
When I first came to SR a few short months ago I didn't know that people drink home alone. This site has been an eye opener. Keep reading and posting I think it will help you lots.
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Old 12-30-2009, 06:42 PM
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Thank you everyone. I'll stick around.
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Old 12-30-2009, 06:49 PM
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Welcome, Mixer

Another 'closet drinker' here... although I sometimes drank at social events, it was neither always, nor to the same extent as I did at home.

Take care and glad to see you're going to stick around,
TB
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Old 01-01-2010, 11:49 AM
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......................
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Old 01-01-2010, 01:42 PM
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Raising hand.....another alcoholic who hates bars! My drinking was always at home, alone if possible. When that wasn't possible, I drank secretly with stashes hidden all around the house. Sigh. I don't miss those days. I was lonely in a crowd, lonely around my family. It's so wonderful to be around people now, being myself and sober.
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Old 01-01-2010, 04:13 PM
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I ALWAYS drank at home.

And I was doing pretty well keeping it all together at 28, too.

I think you sound like a lot of us... but very very few of us were smart enough to stop drinking while they were still quasi-in-control.

Being in control is an illusion. It will start falling apart sooner or later.

You will certainly gain my respect if you're smart enough to quit it now.

-Goat
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