Ditto.
Used to stay holed-up alone, drinking, and even shut my phone off so nobody would hear the slurring in my voice if they called me (and also because early on I had a penchant for thinking everybody in the world wanted to hear from me when I called them at 2am)!
I thought my drinking was fooling everyone, until recycling day came...then I'd put the 2 bins or so out with bottles clanking and the disposal guy saying out loud (no lie) - 'wow, some party there was here...' Little did he know it was a party of ONE!
I was that sick - didn't even bother to "hide" the bottles. Insane. Anyway, been there, don't wanna go back. I used to think drinking alone, staying deep in my thoughts somehow made me feel more insightful...until the day came when I couldn't stand being in my own skin anymore. It was horrible. No matter where I went, I was there with myself and I hated it.
I also planned when, what, and how much I was going to drink. I played the "rotate the liquor store" game so the same clerks wouldn't see me at the same store every day. Classic alcoholic moves and thinking and dangerous games where I was never the winner.
I know exactly where you're at and it's good to see you here.
Welcome!