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I am so scared

Old 12-25-2009, 04:16 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Children are not capable of understanding addiction. I would tell them the simplest level of truth - that you are sick and going into hospital for a while. They don't need your confession of sins. It's probably not reasonable to expect your kids to understand and empathise. Get yourself sorted out and then get expert advice from the staff at the treatment facility on how to handle it with your kids. Personally, I don't see why they need to know the ins and outs of your addiction becasue tehy are far too young to understand or have any context for it. Most adults don't understand addiction.

I'm glad you are posting here and that you are able to get into the treatment facility. I think it's wise to detox under supervision rather than at home.
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Old 12-25-2009, 08:10 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Welcome to SR. Good for you for knowing you have a problem and you need to crawl out of it.

As far as your kids go....work on YOU right now. That's it. Dealing with teenagers is hard enough....dealing with teenagers when you are using is a nightmare. When you get YOU together, the rest will fall into place.

Also, they have been dealing with an addicted parent. While this in no way excuses their behavior, it does show how they have used coping skills. Get sober....they need you.

I hope you let us know how your journey goes.
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Old 12-25-2009, 02:03 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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minute, my kids were a little younger -- 9 & 12 when I got clean. The 12 yr old is now 19 and he's a very loving young man -- loves his Mama and shows respect, but that's not how it was seven years ago. For months after I got clean, he was rebellious and disrespectful. He capitalized on what he saw as my weaknesses and used them to justify his bad behavior. There were days I thought I would lose my mind, but I didn't. I found the more honestly I could live my life, the better I could parent and set healthy boundaries.

What I'm saying is that we came through it. I gained two step-sons along the way, and my new husband was in a similar situation with them. We've had to ride out some stormy weather, but we were both able to do it without picking up a drink or a drug because we put our recovery first. That doesn't mean we ignored the kids or put parenting aside until we figured out how to do it right. We gave ourselves permission to make mistakes and own up to them, to say we're wrong when we're wrong (and there are still lots of times when we are), and the kids, as kids will, learned by example. I've participated in and witnessed a few discussions over the past few days that would very likely have been shouting matches at a different place in time.

First things first. You can't fake good parenting and you're not the best parent you can be when you're stoned. Keep the focus on what you need to do to clean up and have faith that the situation with your kids, at least from your side of the street, will get better.

Peace & Love,
Sugah
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Old 12-27-2009, 05:08 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Thank you for all your responses, it really helps a lot!
I would be totally depressed if no one responed. I feel so alone that it is so nice to have you all. Thanks again from the bottom of my heart...

I wish I would have got all this good advise about telling my kids before I talked to them. Your right, I know they have to be scared and showing it in they own ways. I will talk to them again tomrrow in a different light.

I have been up all night with resless legs going crazy. I had 6 perc's and spaced them out all day but it has not been near enough.

I did not go to rehap today because my 15 year old attacked my hudband last night and broke his ribs. Then he stuck a 12 inch knife to his neck and said he wantd to die. I could not calm him down so I called the police. It was the same police man that was out to our house a few weeks ago when my husband attacked my son. (He thought it was my son the last time and I didn't correct him, My son is out of control. They filed a report on my son, he now has a record and he has to go in front of the judge and will get probation and ??? The fight was all about my son wanting his cell phone back that we took from him because he got 3 days ISS for texting at school and would not give the phone up. He is so disrespectful and thinks he can't live without his cell phone, but he wont follow the rules at home or school about when he can use it.
I realy think the police scared my son.
I must tell you my husband did not hit back because he was afraid he would go to jail if he did. The police did have a long talk with my son and straightened him out on the fighting issues and more (great cop).

Sugah,
A lot of comments have been made about how my drug issues, me being stoned etc. I don't feel they affect me that way. Of course it has have affected my children, but they have never noticed anything. Most all drugs users probably say this but, honestly, I am a great parent. Not the best I can be, because I have no energy when I don't take them. I have no energy and can not work when I am not of my meds. So I save them for when the kids get home from school so I can be "normal" when they are home. The pain meds don't string me out, they make give me pain free energy, make me a happier and more loving mom. My hope and prayers are that if I get off them, I can handle the pain and WILL have more energy all the time not just when I am on the meds.

Has anyone been thru this and know if this is true???

I hope things are better at the house tomorrow because I think it is reallly going to get hard on me with no meds and I don't want my kids to see this. The whole situation is very hard but I know I will be hurting way moe tomorow and would like to go to rehap!
Thanks again so mucj

Last edited by minute; 12-27-2009 at 05:09 AM. Reason: spelling
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Old 12-27-2009, 07:29 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Minute I think its great that you are addressing your drug problem. I think your family dynamics must definitely benefit from counseling. I think there are many layers to the issues in your family and I would start by addressing the first issue you have the most control over and that's your addiction. Your children didn't react to your going into rehab as you wanted them to, but children are curious people. They mask their real emotions and act out quite often their anger. I wouldn't worry about them not acting or saying the things you think they should, but go ahead with your plans on getting clean. Life has a way of ironing out the wrinkles eventually after we clean up ourselves or a direction is shown to us and we are more capable of handling it then.

I wish you well and I hope you continue with your plans on becoming clean. I, myself, have RLS (restless legs) and I have addressed it by getting out of bed and stretching or taking a herbal pill that helps calm them down. Sometimes ibuprofin helps. It is a pain to deal with, but it can be dealt with.
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Old 12-27-2009, 04:52 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Minute, I am so glad you have decided to do something about your problem. You can`t sort anything else out until you sort yourself out first. Its like in the plane, you have to put your own oxygen mask on first before you can help others. Stick with it and keep coming back.

Love
Helene
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Old 12-27-2009, 05:07 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Minute -

Wow.

When I got sober, I had a 'little bit of a ' morphine/ocy habit as well.
After I'd had a few days of sobering, I remember thinking -
"since when have I been afraid of pain?"

I've trained and worked with horses most of my life.
I know what pain is.
What I didn't know -
was when did I begin to FEAR it?

Did you call NA?

And lastly -
In early recovery, we're almost always urged by our sponsors
to ONLY focus on recovery for now.
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