minute, my kids were a little younger -- 9 & 12 when I got clean. The 12 yr old is now 19 and he's a very loving young man -- loves his Mama and shows respect, but that's not how it was seven years ago. For months after I got clean, he was rebellious and disrespectful. He capitalized on what he saw as my weaknesses and used them to justify his bad behavior. There were days I thought I would lose my mind, but I didn't. I found the more honestly I could live my life, the better I could parent and set healthy boundaries.
What I'm saying is that we came through it. I gained two step-sons along the way, and my new husband was in a similar situation with them. We've had to ride out some stormy weather, but we were both able to do it without picking up a drink or a drug because we put our recovery first. That doesn't mean we ignored the kids or put parenting aside until we figured out how to do it right. We gave ourselves permission to make mistakes and own up to them, to say we're wrong when we're wrong (and there are still lots of times when we are), and the kids, as kids will, learned by example. I've participated in and witnessed a few discussions over the past few days that would very likely have been shouting matches at a different place in time.
First things first. You can't fake good parenting and you're not the best parent you can be when you're stoned. Keep the focus on what you need to do to clean up and have faith that the situation with your kids, at least from your side of the street, will get better.
Peace & Love,
Sugah