freespirit

Hello all,

The database must be messed up as I cannot get the website to allow me to post new... so test posting here sorry!

This is my first time posting I just found this forum yesterday. I have a problem with binge drinking. I really have no desire to drink at any time nor do I drink alone etc. But when we do go out where there is drinking (husband and me) I just can not seem to handle my alcohol anymore. Well about the last 5 years anyways. I cannot tell when I had enough - It seems I go from just fine and then in an instance “black out” and don't remember the night. I know I have fallen down before etc as I do remember some points in the night.

I feel if people try and avoid me (which I am sure they do). I would never even want to go out to places that drink but my husband likes to socialize in this manner and its about the only times we get out of the house to do anything together so I force myself to go and then end up drinking way to much.

I then feel like a worthless idiot the next day and feel like I partially blame my husband for not watching out for me (which yes I know I should do myself) but he likes to stay for hours upon hours when we go. And if I do not drink then I get so bored and can't stand talking with others that are drinking so I feel I have to join them but I go way overboard about 99% of the time.

We usually only go out one night a week. I really don't have any friends that do not drink and it seems like even some of those don't like to be around me anymore.

What should I do? I have tried to limit myself to only a few drinks, have asked the bartenders to make my drinks light etc... But nothing seems to work I end up having way too much and it seems like in instant there I am drunk and wasted.

I really am a shy person so I think that drinking does help me socialize more but geesh I don't want to be an idiot either or be noted as a lush.

Thanks for listening.

Anna

I moved your post to a thread of its own, so you could get a proper welcome.

My suggestion is to step back from your friends who drink, at least until you get some sober time. It's not your husband's job to keep an eye on the amount you're drinking. If you're bored going out with your husband and friends, then stay home and do something you enjoy.

Cutting back is usually not possible for addicts. It's actually much easier for addicts to stop drinking altogether. Do whatever it takes to get and stay sober.

freespirit

Yeah I try staying home.. and its like my husband begs me to go with him. Which I don't understand as why would he want me to go with him if I get totally wasted all the time.

I really don't mind staying home all the time and being a hermit.. it's a way for me to hid out and not deal with people or myself.

Anna

Staying home all the time and being a hermit doesn't sound like an ideal solution, but if it helps you to stop drinking, it could work in the short-term. Then, when you feel more comfortable about living a sober life, you will likely find that you have interest in doing a lot of things. Drinking can take over our lives and make us eliminate activities that we used to enjoy.

Believe808

Welcome to SR freespirit. Why not just go and have a non-alcoholic beverage while with him.

freespirit

I've tried not drinking and drinking non alcoholic drinks and I don't even like to be around people that are drinking. I guess if my husband only wanted to stay a couple hours then all would be fine.. but he's got to stay until we are the last ones there... sometimes 8 hours. He can handle his alcohol on the other hand I cannot and the thing is he knows this but he doesn't seem to mind, but I sure do.

I'll just stay home.. as I really have no desire to drink or be around people that are drinking.

adgirl78

Hi FreeSpirit-

I know exactly how you feel. I'm a binge drinker who cannot physically make myself stop once I start. I drink to the point of blacking out on most occasions and I always wind up feeling guilty and depressed the next day.

Can you talk to your husband and tell him how you feel about drinking? I know you mentioned that he knows how wasted you get and begs you to go out with him anyway, but does he know how much it upsets you? Maybe if you have a serious conversation about it, you can work out a compromise...like just going out for a few hours instead of 8? Or maybe planning special outings together during the day that don't involve alcohol?

It's worth a shot.

Also, maybe you can join a volunteer group or something that doesn't center around drinking. Then you could make some new friends independent of your husband. That's what I've been trying to do. I want to meet some new people who don't drink to have fun. I've been isolating myself a bit to avoid being around alcohol, but I think it's time to get out there and find something I can enjoy. Maybe you can find something as well?

Good luck with everything.

Becca

freespirit

Thank you, yes have talked to my husband about only staying a couple hours, how I don't like to drink, how it makes me feel, how I can't handle the alcohol... his responses are simple "don't drink that much". Yeah right easier said then done! If I only have a couple drinks.. I end up having such a bad headach when I am out by the end of the evening its unreal, I get cranky, and just want to sit by myself. But I guess a headach is better then making an ass out of myself. Still all in all - I really don't like to hang out in bars.. never did (maybe when I was younger) but the last 5 or so years --- I actually HATE it!

I think for now going to stay home - bought some material and going to try my hand at sewing. We live in the Sticks and I mean the Sticks for me to find somthing else to do even like shopping or going to a movie, suppport groups, volunter work etc.. it is about a 100 mile RT.

There just really isn't ANYTHING to do out here except go to the bars and drink. The area is beautiful but other then that - its so back out from the rest of the world.

So sewing (hobby) I will give myself a chance at that for a while and see how it goes. Everyone loves my hubby he is a social butterfly - even when I am out people will stand in groups and talk to him and barely look my way like I am invisible even if I am sitting right next to him. My hubby was recently diagnosed with colon cancer - so have been dealing with the stress of that.

People saying you be sure and take care of him as we love him, how is he doing? What are you doing to help him etc.. (the most anyone ever talked to me in a while) I feel like people wish it would have been me that got the cancer instead of him.

We really do have a good strong marriage and have always had that, I could not imagine life without him.

adgirl78

I'm sorry to hear about your husband. I hope he's ok. I'm also sorry that you feel like you're always standing in his shadow. It sounds like it's a bit harder for you to get out there and socialize than it is for him. And that's totally fine, but I wouldn't get down on yourself too much about it. I'm certain that people are not secretly wishing it was you that had gotten sick. I understand it might feel that way at times, but I just don't think most people would think such a horrible thing.

Anyway...sewing is a great idea! I used to sew a lot when I was younger. It's very relaxing and can be a lot of fun. If you get really into it, you could even try to sell some of the items you create on sites like etsy.com. People love to buy creative, handmade things that come from the heart! Let us know how it goes!