WakeUp crashed and burned
Awakening...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: in the present
Posts: 1,125
WakeUp crashed and burned
I drank.
No, make that, I'm drinking.
The Voice won. I was defeated.
I need to get my car maintenanced, and I will write a journal on this experience.
When I get back, I will have more to say on what I've found.
No, make that, I'm drinking.
The Voice won. I was defeated.
I need to get my car maintenanced, and I will write a journal on this experience.
When I get back, I will have more to say on what I've found.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Hi wake up
I'm sorry you crashed and burned.
One thing I learned is, when you start to hear 'the Voice' as you call it, we have to do everything in our power to counteract that. I hope you'll go back and look at what else you could have done this time, and get back to recovery right away
Loves to Travel, I hope other peoples struggles don't put you off.
There are a lot of success stories here too - but yeah - it's hard.
We wouldn't need SR if it was easy.
I think it's good to have a place to come to where we can be honest and where ppl understand - it's good to talk it out.
good luck to you and wake up both
D
I'm sorry you crashed and burned.
One thing I learned is, when you start to hear 'the Voice' as you call it, we have to do everything in our power to counteract that. I hope you'll go back and look at what else you could have done this time, and get back to recovery right away
Loves to Travel, I hope other peoples struggles don't put you off.
There are a lot of success stories here too - but yeah - it's hard.
We wouldn't need SR if it was easy.
I think it's good to have a place to come to where we can be honest and where ppl understand - it's good to talk it out.
good luck to you and wake up both
D
Awakening...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: in the present
Posts: 1,125
Now for the analysis.
Oh, btw, good call smacked. I was not too imparied to drive, everything's fine.
Why did The Voice win?
I posted another thread in which I head the Voice talking to me. A couple of posts stood out, one of which said, you need to work all 12 steps, you need the tools to defeat The Voice.
Another phrase, "while you're in meetings, The Voice is doing pushups."
The Voice is always trying to keep ahead of you, always trying to outsmart you. I think of The Godfather II movie, "keep your friends close, and keep your enemies closer."
The Voice is the enemy to my recovery.
Why did The Voice defeat me?
I had a couple of HALT initials affecting me. Angry and tired. At what? Work.
I know now I need all the tools, all 12 of them, to help me defeat The Voice.
What I did and did not do.
I deliberately planned the purchase and consumption of alcohol.
I had roughly 50 phone numbers in my bag and didn't call a single soul.
Why? I think the reason I didn't call anybody was that I wasn't going to listen anyway.
What did I accomplish by drinking?
In a word, nothing. Nothing at all, the old behaviors returned. Hey, I'll try The Experiment. Try some controlled drinking. That went out the window after the first bottle was empty.
What did I learn?
Early sobriety is tough! It's tough work. I think I got by for a month and a half by sheer white knuckling.
Sobriety is a fight, a fight for your life.
I also learned that failure is one step closer to success. I may fall, but I get up again.
I learned how much I want to be sober now. I appreciate it so much more now.
I still have the desire to stop drinking.
Oh, btw, good call smacked. I was not too imparied to drive, everything's fine.
Why did The Voice win?
I posted another thread in which I head the Voice talking to me. A couple of posts stood out, one of which said, you need to work all 12 steps, you need the tools to defeat The Voice.
Another phrase, "while you're in meetings, The Voice is doing pushups."
The Voice is always trying to keep ahead of you, always trying to outsmart you. I think of The Godfather II movie, "keep your friends close, and keep your enemies closer."
The Voice is the enemy to my recovery.
Why did The Voice defeat me?
I had a couple of HALT initials affecting me. Angry and tired. At what? Work.
I know now I need all the tools, all 12 of them, to help me defeat The Voice.
What I did and did not do.
I deliberately planned the purchase and consumption of alcohol.
I had roughly 50 phone numbers in my bag and didn't call a single soul.
Why? I think the reason I didn't call anybody was that I wasn't going to listen anyway.
What did I accomplish by drinking?
In a word, nothing. Nothing at all, the old behaviors returned. Hey, I'll try The Experiment. Try some controlled drinking. That went out the window after the first bottle was empty.
What did I learn?
Early sobriety is tough! It's tough work. I think I got by for a month and a half by sheer white knuckling.
Sobriety is a fight, a fight for your life.
I also learned that failure is one step closer to success. I may fall, but I get up again.
I learned how much I want to be sober now. I appreciate it so much more now.
I still have the desire to stop drinking.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Good post wakeup.
ps. That avatar of yours kinda cracks me up as it looks at first glance like someone doing a line.
Yes I hear ya on the controlled drinking thing. Any thought I have of it, which TBH I don't as i ain't never drank with any control, is totally deluded as how am I gonna have any rational thought about not drinking more booze once the buzz has hit? I ain't gonna stop for no-one. I know that.
I always used to count my drinks interms of a "sesh". 9 500ml cans of 5% lager was my staple and enough to get me passed out though i was usually pretty agitated and restless when on can 8 and would go to get more to finish the job if the shop was open.
I was and will always be a drink untill passout drinker. I have no control over booze and that is why it is such a dangerous drug for me.
ps. That avatar of yours kinda cracks me up as it looks at first glance like someone doing a line.
Yes I hear ya on the controlled drinking thing. Any thought I have of it, which TBH I don't as i ain't never drank with any control, is totally deluded as how am I gonna have any rational thought about not drinking more booze once the buzz has hit? I ain't gonna stop for no-one. I know that.
I always used to count my drinks interms of a "sesh". 9 500ml cans of 5% lager was my staple and enough to get me passed out though i was usually pretty agitated and restless when on can 8 and would go to get more to finish the job if the shop was open.
I was and will always be a drink untill passout drinker. I have no control over booze and that is why it is such a dangerous drug for me.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
