thiskidknows

ive got drink counseloor comin in 20 minutes. i've already had 2 large vodkas and still half cut from yesterday. i don't know what to do. if i should just hide and pretend i'm not in, or see her and let her know how bad i'm getting. i'm now in a panic cause i don't like ppl seeing me this way. please i just don't know what to do.

Snowbunnie

Hey kid,

I have no advice for you, other than you know what is the right thing to do. Somewhere inside you know.

Here's what I can offer - you are not alone. There are many of us who have been where you are or will be, my counselor appt. is next Fri. You will be in my thoughts today. I am with you.

SB

ClosetExtrovert

It's an alcohol counselor. Do you think she hasn't seen this before? If you didn't have a problem, she wouldn't be coming. Let her do her job and you do yours which IS to be honest. Getting the lid blown off and being exposed isn't as bad as you'd think. Everybody prolly knew anyway.
Good Luck! You're in the right place!!

thiskidknows

I'm just freking cause she's coming to my house, the one place i can be me and not wear the mask..but now i feel exposed and drinking. I guess she has seen it before, but only meet me once and I couldn't speak to her so my drug counsellor did. feel like everything is going to go wrong, that everything will be out there for all to see and i'm not sure i like it. i wanted to stop on my own, i can't, but i didn't want everyone to know how bad i was. sorry just being silly i guess. panic. ty for ur replies. i'm sorry.

Snowbunnie

Kid,

I am not sure why you are sorry. But I understand the public mask and fear of exposure. Closet has a great point - this is nothing that the counselor has not seen before. Remember that they are there to help you. You just have to be helpable.

Still hanging in there with you.

SB

thiskidknows

i don't understand what being helpable means. does it mean that i either want to get better or not, cause i do. i don't want to be me this way. i dont. my sister last night said "drinking vodka everyday isn't going to help you and will move in with me to help"...shes my kid sister....i'm the one whose meant to look after her, but i keep messing that up

Snowbunnie

Kid,

Maybe the first step to being helpable is opening the door.

SB

Saphie

You will not be exposed unless you choose to do it yourself.. Many of us like to keep quiet and some like myself prefer to be open and let people know.
This person is a professional and everything will be confidential. You need help and she will be a starting point. Relax and like the others have said, just be honest and take it from there. Good Luck. Keep us informed.

ClosetExtrovert

Don't be sorry. It's scary. And it's almost over. Everyone isn't going to know - just this woman.
It's ok. Really. I've been there. I've done that. I've got the t-shirt. I've got several of the t-shirts.
Post back. Let me know how it went. xxoxox

thiskidknows

she didnt hurt me. she just asked lots of questions on risks and where ive problems. se said i'm vunlerable of abuse,. i don't want to be hurt again. i won't live if it happens again. i self neglect. the only rhing she said i wasn't high risk at is that i don't have a physical disability..i feel swo cold now can't stop shaking. don't feel well. i don't know what to do now. she turned the lights on and i've had to tunr them back off i don't like the light. i live in darkness. i don't know. sorry

Snowbunnie

Kid,

You faced your fear and opened the door. You survived. She didn't hurt you .... maybe she'll help you.

Still with you.

SB

ClosetExtrovert

GOOD JOB!! I'm proud of you!!! That was pretty scary but you did it.
So what happens now? What did the Counselor say comes next?

thiskidknows

i see her again on thrusday at 10am, but think she called myy cpn as now she's calling. she didn't want to know and now others knoe how bad things are shes wanting to help

Tazman53

Look I spent the last 5 years of my drinking alone in my garage, I know what you are feeling right now......... scared crapless, want to stop but can't, drinking when I did not want to drink. I bet at one point you decided "To hell with it, I am just going to drink and stop fighting it"

I also bet it was not to long after that that you suddenly realized you were going to die if you did not quit and really hit the panic button because you know you can't stop!!!

In the book Alcoholics Anonymous it says:

You are not alone!!! There is a solution, not a cure, but a solution that I and millions of other alcoholics have found that works if we work it.

There is hope, do not despair, reach out for help as you have already started to do.

It has been over 3 years since my last drink, but I still recall like yesterday how absolutely hopeless I felt, how I hated myself for being weak and unable to stop drinking. I felt like I was a useless peice of trash, my whole life revolved around drinking, everything I did was either drinking or finding a way to get more.

Listen to your doctor, get medically detoxed if you need to be, go into a rehab if you need to, after you initially get physically sober with all the earnestness at your command find a long term program of recovery and throw your self into it at least as hard as you did your drinking. For me and millions of others AA worked, but there are other programs as well.

thiskidknows

yes everything u said is how is is. i think i'll have one drink and then stop...but i don't till the bottles empty and then if i've not passed out i go shops either walk or drive and get another.. i've tried 2 stop on my ownand failed. i forget things. i black out. i use copke to sovber me up and then drink more, then i use heroin to make me calm and help me sleep. i am getting wore each dat. i work 30hrs a wk managed 4 ths wk. if this does't kill me then being homeless, without job, will.

ClosetExtrovert

Are you going to a detox on Thursday? Or do they do that at home in England? I think I read that on here..? Well, this is pretty exciting. I'm happy for you. I guess she had to tell your other councelor so they can work together to help you. Hey it may be bad, but it's almost over. And there's lots worse then you in the world. But you're getting help and you won't ever have to feel this way again.
Good for you!!!

thiskidknows

it be from home and have 18 months of seeing her. she thinks the same as my dip worker that i'm bipolar and self medicating so she's also gonna send a letter to my cpn also. it was my dip worker that arranged for me to see her as she deals with drugs but said shed help with other areas as well cause no counsellor will see me as i'm too unstable (thats whatt ehy said and i've tried 4)

ClosetExtrovert

Are they sending you to a medical doctor (Your CPN, perhaps? Is that who that is?) for treatment for the bipolar, too?

thiskidknows

they said wont assess till i'm clean, my mum spoke to them said i'd been this way since i were a kid but it was ignored. i got clean and then tried to get help but was told to unstable....so i went somewhere else...told that i need more pyhscholigical help, went somewhere else was told, concerned that therapy will bring too much up and ur hurt urself, so gave up...ex pyschiatrist said i was BPD but never said anything to me, then when i moved and records moved they said he dignosed u with bpd...i have similar traits but not the 4 or 5 set in the dsm/iv. when i told mum about bi[polar she researched said that sounds like me, and her brother who committed suicide cause he got no help. he drank and smoked cannibis and i'm more like him then anyone else.

nobody seems to listen in the pro world, nobody will help

ClosetExtrovert

Do you think you'll be happier sober?