Look I spent the last 5 years of my drinking alone in my garage, I know what you are feeling right now......... scared crapless, want to stop but can't, drinking when I did not want to drink. I bet at one point you decided "To hell with it, I am just going to drink and stop fighting it"
I also bet it was not to long after that that you suddenly realized you were going to die if you did not quit and really hit the panic button because you know you can't stop!!!
In the book Alcoholics Anonymous it says:
which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible
demoralization. We are convinced to a man
that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive
illness. Over any considerable period we get
worse, never better.
You are not alone!!! There is a solution, not a cure, but a solution that I and millions of other alcoholics have found that works if we work it.
There is hope, do not despair, reach out for help as you have already started to do.
It has been over 3 years since my last drink, but I still recall like yesterday how absolutely hopeless I felt, how I hated myself for being weak and unable to stop drinking. I felt like I was a useless peice of trash, my whole life revolved around drinking, everything I did was either drinking or finding a way to get more.
Listen to your doctor, get medically detoxed if you need to be, go into a rehab if you need to, after you initially get physically sober with all the earnestness at your command find a long term program of recovery and throw your self into it at least as hard as you did your drinking. For me and millions of others AA worked, but there are other programs as well.