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I failed...so down

Old 11-06-2009, 12:11 AM
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I failed...so down

I failed myself tonight. My dad died tonight. I drank...I lost.

I have nothing but numbness and sadness. I am so young to have lost both parents at 37 years old. My dad was many things...but not a dad. My mom died 8 years ago of lung cancer. My dad dealt, I guess I will deal now...so numb. I will drink tonight for the sake of drinking and no other purpose.

My 2nd wedding aniversary is on Sunday. Sad state...can't say it's exciting either right now.

sigh....:praying
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Old 11-06-2009, 12:47 AM
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I am so sorry for your loss and that you feel so bad. My sincere condolences-I don't know what else to say.
Don't beat yourself up, you're not a failure. You didn't lose yet.
You can get through this and be strong. Try to put down the drink as soon as you can, the battle is not lost yet. Is there anybody you can call or talk to in real? Get as much support around you as you can.
Sending lots of positive thoughts and hope in your direction. Hug,
S.
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Old 11-06-2009, 12:51 AM
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Failure is the stepping stone to success, sometimes we need a short path, sometimes it's a little longer.

I've failed many times, but I keep on trying. So can you, just don't give up.

Sorry to hear of your loss.
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Old 11-06-2009, 12:51 AM
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my condolences for your loss...
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Old 11-06-2009, 01:01 AM
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((((partydiva))))

I'm so sorry for your loss, please accept my condolences to you.

Don't get into the bottle. Tomorrow, start again. Do you have any friends in recovery? Let them be there for you face to face. Please come here and post.

Much love,

Lenina
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Old 11-06-2009, 01:25 AM
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(((partydiva)))
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Old 11-06-2009, 01:42 AM
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condolences

You're not a failure. You came back, you're still thinking on some level.

I've been stumbling on and off this sobriety thing for a little minute now. It would have been easy not to come back...soon... that was the 'right' move but it was the one that took strength.


Take care,
TB
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Old 11-06-2009, 01:52 AM
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I'm sorry to hear of your loss partydiva.
Please take care of yourself.

Grief is difficult, and hard and painful....but drinking really does make it worse PD - its short term promises just don't deliver in the long run.

Please come back tomorrow and update us.
D
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Old 11-06-2009, 02:51 AM
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My deepest sympathies for your loss Partydiva :ghug3
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Old 11-06-2009, 03:24 AM
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So much peace, love and many prayers sent to you. So sorry for your loss.

It is not a failure. It is just a stepping stone on your path.
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Old 11-06-2009, 03:38 AM
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So sorry for your loss, PD. I lost dad at 30 and mom at 35. There will always be that hole that cannot be filled by anyone or anything-but the pain becomes less sharp and immediate as time goes by. You have not lost as long as you come back. My good thoughts and prayers are going out to you right now. John in Oklahoma
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Old 11-06-2009, 03:58 AM
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I am so sorry for the loss of both your mom and dad. Please don't consider yourself a failure! You can get right back into your recovery today and I hope you do. I relapsed last week...I only went out for a day and a half and came right back, you can too. Please keep us posted...my thoughts and prayers are with you.
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Old 11-06-2009, 04:35 AM
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I am so, so sorry to hear about your loss. I have a tear in my I from reading your post.

There are many good people on this site who will be there for a shoulder to cry on, to be used as an emotional punchbag and to listen to your thoughts

CB
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Old 11-06-2009, 05:40 AM
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partydiva my most sincere condolances on the passing of your father, mine passed when I was 19 and my mother when I was 39, I was still drinking then and stayed plowed for some time after my mother passed, the drinking did not help in the least.

You drank, okay....... did you learn anything? Did drinking help? Did it bring your dad back?

You know I have not suffered the passing of a loved one since I got sober, but I know I could get through the passing of anyone without a drink today. How can I say that?

Well I have seen other alcoholics in recovery not drink when thier child was still born, I have seen people not drink after the lose of an adult child and a spouse, this gives me strength, hope, and by thier experience the knowledge to know that a recovering alcoholic with the proper tools can stay sober through ANYTHING.

Look, it happened, let your self mourn, getting drunk or buzzed does not allow that, it prolongs the pain, it blurrs our senses, drinking leads to wallowing in guilt and self pity instead of mourning.

I have heard it said and know it to be true now, that in reality mourning the lose of some one is not really feeling sorry for them, but instead is feeling sorry for your self. Mourning is dealing with missing the one that passed and realizing that they are now at peace in all things and that they would want us to move on and live or lifes to the fullest and not wallow in misery missing them.

The pain will lessen in time, that time will be far shorter sober then drunk, alcohol is a depressant, why take a depressant when one is already depressed? It darn sure is not going to make things better.
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Old 11-06-2009, 05:43 AM
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so sorry diva
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Old 11-06-2009, 07:19 AM
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I am sorry for your loss.
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Old 11-06-2009, 07:38 AM
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Oh PD I am so sorry for your loss, I can only imagine the pain you're in.

Please don't add to that pain by drinking today. Even just for today....take this moment right now and make it all about you. Not alcohol.
Every new day brings us new hope and with that comes strength.

Call a friend/family member who will support you in this painful time.
Hugs and strength to you....
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Old 11-06-2009, 07:51 AM
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Prayers to you....
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Old 11-06-2009, 07:53 AM
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Sorry to hear about this painful time, partydiva...hang in there.:ghug3
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Old 11-06-2009, 08:41 AM
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I am so sorry for your loss and your pain.

I know this is so hard for you right now, but the pain you are drinking away will wait for you to get sober, you will need to deal with losing your Father. What is actually happening by drinking, is you are postponing the inevitable and adding to the pain you will need to deal with. I know it is hard, but please think about not drinking through this, it is a pain you need to feel right now, cry your eyes out if you have to, call everyone you know, come here,do anything you need to do, but get it out of your system, don't push it farther down with Alcohol.

Cathy
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