do i belong here?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: scotland
Posts: 1,493
hello and welcome to sr.my names Charmian and i am an alcoholic.i have a twofold illness.physical and mental.this means physically that if i put one drink in me then i do not know when i will stop.and mentally i obssess about booze.i had had enough at the begining of this year.i went to AA and got on the 12 step reocvery programme.i had a spriitual awakening as a result of these steps and as long as i keep myself sprititually fit on a DAILY basis then this is my best defence against taking the first drink.the physical craving was removed when i stopped drinking and as a result of the steps the mental obsession was removed.that is just a few months ago.i have been to a few social events recently and booze didnt cross my mind,its just not for me anymore.only you can decide which path you wish to follow.AA is not for everyone and there are many other recovery programmes out there.what i will tell you is that things only ever get worse,and worse and worse.always.i tried everything to stop and stay stopped,counciling,phsc ward,doctors,tablets,rehab.but in the end i was just beat by the stuff.i wish you well on your journey,mine has been awesome so far.i have a life i never imagined possible,and all without booze! miracle.please keep coming back and see if you can identify with folk.we are all a big family here with one purpose.to help each other.welcome.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 6
Does anyone else think that those GD little bottles of wine should be outlawed? At least let's find the guy who invented them and skin him alive......then throw salt on him........then put his sink back on........then.....oops, guess I got carried away thinking about all the times I've found those dam bottles hidden everywhere!
Anyway pot calling the kettle here, but I would say yes, you need help especiaaly since you can't be drinking that horse **** for the taste! I tried some of my wife's that she had stashed at the house one night and man was that stuff rank!
Anyway pot calling the kettle here, but I would say yes, you need help especiaaly since you can't be drinking that horse **** for the taste! I tried some of my wife's that she had stashed at the house one night and man was that stuff rank!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: VA Beach, VA
Posts: 36
ok -- i don't need that from you.
i don't hide my wine, and for the record Berringers white zinfindel is excellent, followed by Sutter Home. anything else isn't worth the label on the bottle.
i bought a 4-pack tonight. put one bottle on the table next to me while going over maps planning a motorcycle trip. did not open it.
all 4 bottles are still in the fridge; however there are two fewer bottles of diet pepsi.
my plan is to stop the foolishness before it takes over everything. husband got annoyed with me because i told him last week i thought i shouldn't be buying wine anymore and, if he wouldn't mind, run interference for me.
in hindsight, i think i played a game buying the bottles. i don't know for a fact that i would have stopped with one IF i had opened the bottle . . . which i'm not sure i would have done.
sweet hubby asked for the receipt . . . he's going to return the wine . . . thank you. that fact ticked me off at first. now i'm glad he stood up and took it away. i managed to act like a grown-up and not behave ticked-off or tell him it's my wine and i can have ONE if i want.
"checking" on whether or not i can drink just one is not smart. i am lucky to have the husband i have . . . and yes, he will be thanked for taking the high road and being the "alcohol police." i actually think it isn't fair to put my spouse in that position . . . but i would do it for him, if things were the other way around.
i'm sorry your wife's situation is more out of control than mine. i'm sorry she doesn't feel gratitude for your concern. the person who is hiding wine from you is not your wife, but an alcoholic.
changing my attitude and taking the high road in response to your post . . . i hear your anguish and frustration. i'm new here, and don't know what someone in your position needs. good luck and health to you.
i don't hide my wine, and for the record Berringers white zinfindel is excellent, followed by Sutter Home. anything else isn't worth the label on the bottle.
i bought a 4-pack tonight. put one bottle on the table next to me while going over maps planning a motorcycle trip. did not open it.
all 4 bottles are still in the fridge; however there are two fewer bottles of diet pepsi.
my plan is to stop the foolishness before it takes over everything. husband got annoyed with me because i told him last week i thought i shouldn't be buying wine anymore and, if he wouldn't mind, run interference for me.
in hindsight, i think i played a game buying the bottles. i don't know for a fact that i would have stopped with one IF i had opened the bottle . . . which i'm not sure i would have done.
sweet hubby asked for the receipt . . . he's going to return the wine . . . thank you. that fact ticked me off at first. now i'm glad he stood up and took it away. i managed to act like a grown-up and not behave ticked-off or tell him it's my wine and i can have ONE if i want.
"checking" on whether or not i can drink just one is not smart. i am lucky to have the husband i have . . . and yes, he will be thanked for taking the high road and being the "alcohol police." i actually think it isn't fair to put my spouse in that position . . . but i would do it for him, if things were the other way around.
i'm sorry your wife's situation is more out of control than mine. i'm sorry she doesn't feel gratitude for your concern. the person who is hiding wine from you is not your wife, but an alcoholic.
changing my attitude and taking the high road in response to your post . . . i hear your anguish and frustration. i'm new here, and don't know what someone in your position needs. good luck and health to you.
The New Me starting 1/11/09
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: California
Posts: 678
Welcome Skid -
SR is a great place to learn practical techniques but also to learn from others about what the later stages of alcoholism can do. Be sure to read some of the friends and family posts to get a good idea of how it effects others in addition to yourself.
I too am sorry about your loss.
You are in the right place and I believe that if you are concerned about your drinking, then you should take action on it.
As others have said, you don't have to make the decision not to drink forever right now, just the decision not to drink today - which is a much more manageable and less stressful goal.
As you get more sobriety time, you will see all the positive benefits coming to your life.
Not to give too many suggestions, but I do think you should address the comments that your husband made by speaking with him and trying to get that resolved - because this is continuing to bother you and you need to forgive and move on. Resentments are a big issue, so you want to deal with it.
Keep posting. Welcome again.
SR is a great place to learn practical techniques but also to learn from others about what the later stages of alcoholism can do. Be sure to read some of the friends and family posts to get a good idea of how it effects others in addition to yourself.
I too am sorry about your loss.
You are in the right place and I believe that if you are concerned about your drinking, then you should take action on it.
As others have said, you don't have to make the decision not to drink forever right now, just the decision not to drink today - which is a much more manageable and less stressful goal.
As you get more sobriety time, you will see all the positive benefits coming to your life.
Not to give too many suggestions, but I do think you should address the comments that your husband made by speaking with him and trying to get that resolved - because this is continuing to bother you and you need to forgive and move on. Resentments are a big issue, so you want to deal with it.
Keep posting. Welcome again.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dayton, OH.
Posts: 879
Originally Posted by skid650 
does that necessarily mean i'm an alcoholic and i ought to be in AA or something? and, honestly, what's so wrong with spending the year or so after your dad dies getting drunk? just because my life spun out of control and i chose to drown it in wine, doesn't mean i'll be drinking forever . . . does it?
i don't know.
thanks for listening.
i don't know.
thanks for listening.
But this caught my eye, as I was wondering through some of the older threads... Especially this last part.
My Dad KILLED himself in 2004. A gunshot to the head. No goodbyes. No warning. NOTHING. I know that pain of seeing your father one day and he's gone the next. While Mom thinks she should have seen the signs and I think we should have seen the signs, point is, no one could possibly have been prepared for my father's death.
I did not react by drowning my pain in booze. I didn't even drown my pain by smoking crack. I didn't start smoking crack until over 3 years later!
So this leads me to think that what your brain is telling you is that you can quit because you are only trying to lessen the pain of the loss of your father, by getting drunk. This could be a problem. In fact, if it were me, it would be a problem!
Usually, if you are asking if there is a problem, you already know the answer. I am sorry for the loss of your father, but IMNSO, you are heading down a dark and dangerous path, known as addiction. And I really hope you've found some help or guidance, and most importantly, some support. Losing a loved one is extremely difficult to do.
As far as your husband's reaction, maybe he felt he needed to be strong and keep the subject to something less devastating? Or maybe he was just caught off guard? Who could know? I am sorry he did not react the way you wanted him too, but remember he is human too and we humans are never perfect.
Anyway.........In case you're not around........
I wonder if the OP has found what they are looking for and gotten the help they needed or if they are still out there drinking?
Anyone hear from them?
Scars,Souvineers we never lose
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 325
I would say (even without reading your post 9but I did) that by your ? alone which asks if you beliog here means that is you are seeking out websites and forums on addiction/alcoholism that you belong here! This website has so much to offer...not just "admit you have a problem" but for support, to help others, to be helped, to share, to let people share with you.
Your ? reminds me of (and I havent been in a church in years and years) but you just reminded me of a church serom I hear when I was younger and the pastor said that hiss son one asked him to smieels his (the sons) shirt to tell him if it smelled and was dirty and his answer was "if you have to ask me then it probably is" I havent thought of that in so many years and used to relate it to my life a lot b/c my husband will ask me things like that (or he used to until he got the point MANY years ago and thats why I forgot about it) See you already helped me b/c I am newly back here to SR after about 5 years or so and I def. needed that bit of help that you just proviced me.
I would say stick around and read, read, read, I am 0 days sober and I know that with the help of SR I can be sover again like I was before thanks to this website.
It has so many avenues for support.
Your ? reminds me of (and I havent been in a church in years and years) but you just reminded me of a church serom I hear when I was younger and the pastor said that hiss son one asked him to smieels his (the sons) shirt to tell him if it smelled and was dirty and his answer was "if you have to ask me then it probably is" I havent thought of that in so many years and used to relate it to my life a lot b/c my husband will ask me things like that (or he used to until he got the point MANY years ago and thats why I forgot about it) See you already helped me b/c I am newly back here to SR after about 5 years or so and I def. needed that bit of help that you just proviced me.
I would say stick around and read, read, read, I am 0 days sober and I know that with the help of SR I can be sover again like I was before thanks to this website.
It has so many avenues for support.
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
This topic caught my eye and the only reason it did is cause of my own mental issues which I have to live with. Lately my thoughts haven't been very well at all. Do I belong here. I should even be asking the same things.
The reason that I say this is because not of drinking or the using although I truly believe that those have really messed up my brain.
I don't feel as if I am wanted anywhere, in town where I live, in meetings, and on all the websites that I attend. This all has to do with what alcohol and drugs have done to me. I am pretty sure that I wasn't normal anyways...but I have never been this far down ever, it seems as if it is worse than when I was using.
It sucks wondering each day if you should just end things.
Blessings
I hope that you can feel as if you belong. I am not too sure how that feels, although
I was reading a lot of my earlier threads here at SR
SR is the first website that I ever joined in my life...They loved me until I could love myself.
Well I don't love myself today....I haven't loved myself for a long time now. I am just very afraid that the last relapse totally messed up my brain.
Just life in general I don't like, matter of fact I can see some good sometimes.
I pray everyday, sometimes always talking to God,
Yet I don't hear anything.
I don't feel anything but hatred toward myself.
I am just talking LOL
thanks for allowing me to share
The reason that I say this is because not of drinking or the using although I truly believe that those have really messed up my brain.
I don't feel as if I am wanted anywhere, in town where I live, in meetings, and on all the websites that I attend. This all has to do with what alcohol and drugs have done to me. I am pretty sure that I wasn't normal anyways...but I have never been this far down ever, it seems as if it is worse than when I was using.
It sucks wondering each day if you should just end things.
Blessings
I hope that you can feel as if you belong. I am not too sure how that feels, although
I was reading a lot of my earlier threads here at SR
SR is the first website that I ever joined in my life...They loved me until I could love myself.
Well I don't love myself today....I haven't loved myself for a long time now. I am just very afraid that the last relapse totally messed up my brain.
Just life in general I don't like, matter of fact I can see some good sometimes.
I pray everyday, sometimes always talking to God,
Yet I don't hear anything.
I don't feel anything but hatred toward myself.
I am just talking LOL
thanks for allowing me to share
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dayton, OH.
Posts: 879
Awww, Chance, every life is precious! Every life is a gift. Sometimes I know it must be really hard to treat it as such, or feel like it. A lot of people get depressed this time of year especially so. Let us love you, again, until you can get back to that place where you love yourself.
Don't ever think of ending your life. If you feel that way, please call someone. We really do care.
And relapse happens. I don't know how long ago yours was, but it happens. Maybe not to everyone, but it happened to me and it's happened to many of us addicts. Just remember you're in the majority.
I am glad you made it through your relapse to come back here and get another chance to try again. That is what counts and it's truly a blessing. I hope you learned something valuable that will help you stay clean this time around. :ghug3
Keep coming back and keep on getting it out.
It's not all rosy over here either. I just found out my friend got picked up by the cops on a warrant and she's gonna spend Christmas in jail, just for missing her P.O. (criminal damaging, 5 yrs. probation) while she was in the hospital for surgery.. It's her fault, for not calling, but I still feel awful because she is my friend and she's gonna spend Christmas in one of the worst places on earth. UGH!
Don't ever think of ending your life. If you feel that way, please call someone. We really do care.
And relapse happens. I don't know how long ago yours was, but it happens. Maybe not to everyone, but it happened to me and it's happened to many of us addicts. Just remember you're in the majority.
I am glad you made it through your relapse to come back here and get another chance to try again. That is what counts and it's truly a blessing. I hope you learned something valuable that will help you stay clean this time around. :ghug3
Keep coming back and keep on getting it out.
It's not all rosy over here either. I just found out my friend got picked up by the cops on a warrant and she's gonna spend Christmas in jail, just for missing her P.O. (criminal damaging, 5 yrs. probation) while she was in the hospital for surgery.. It's her fault, for not calling, but I still feel awful because she is my friend and she's gonna spend Christmas in one of the worst places on earth. UGH!
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