SusanE

Hello, all. I've been reading here for a month or two but doubted I'd ever register or post. My husband and I drink on the weekends, sometimes reasonably, sometimes too much. This Friday he told me he feels the Monday and Tuesdays are killing him. I told him that frequent advice given here is to quit drinking for one month and see what happens and that's what were planning to do for the new year.

Nothing really happens to us but I told him about the "yets" and neither of us denied those bad things could be waiting for us down the road. Last night we went to a party (we did not drive) and I can't remember a single conversation I had. For me, that's pretty bad and I feel shaky, sad, and embarrassed.

Right now we're trying to come up with activities to replace the drinking.

Horselover

Welcome to SR Susan. Glad you registered and decided to post. Its a good idea to try the stopping for a month, but why not make today your day 1? If I read your post correctly, you are doing it starting the 1st of the New Year. That's a whole week away. Any ways, just a suggestion.

Anna

Welcome!

You've made a good decision and I know you will find lots of support here.

dedubya

Hey There Susan
Welcome! Glad you are here. I am on my day 3 of not drinking today...you will find many here very helpful- I sure have. Concerning your comment on not remembering conversations- I am in that club, believe me. The advice given above on taking one day at a time is CRUCIAL! There are times when I have had to take it 5 minutes at a time, when the craving hits. The good news is once you quit it keeps getting better the longer you are away from it.
Good luck and welcome again.
Dub

ANGELINA243

Welcome Susan! Glad you are here. This is a great place for support.

SusanE

Thank you all for the warm welcome. I'm going to just tell you the truth, HorseLover, though it may not be a popular answer. We're going on a vacation and I don't think we'd be successful at quiting.

I want to commit right here to staying in control when we are on our trip. The thing is, though, I always like to stay in control but I'm becoming unpredictable.

dedubya

Horselover is right- but Susan I have been in the same situation where I had plans with friends that was going to (and did) include major drinking. You have to make that decision. Not sure how long and much you have been drinking, but more than likely you will not be in a 'vacation frame of mind' the first week you quit. But life gets much less complicated and wonderful after that time. Not to mention vacations that are more fun, that you will remember the rest of your life!!!! I have experienced it, and so have thousands on here.

One other thing, I went to my Dr and told him what I was doing and he gave me one week's scrip for anti-anxiety meds to keep my anxiety and BP down- that helps a lot, and as difficult as it sounds Dr's have seen this many times before so don't be reluctant to 'fess up' to the truth- then stop if you decide.
Best of luck and peace to you
Dub

Gypsy Feet

Welcome! My husband and I quit using meth some 15 years ago, and I found quitting together made it easier and strengthened our relationship. Last year I realized my children had been raised by 2 drunks, and I decided to change my life and embrace sobriety. My (ex) husband did/could not, and is a very sick man today. I hope you are able to find your way sober, it truly is a magnificent way to live life.

Sikkisirus

Welcome to SR Susan

mirage

Welcome Susan..glad you decided to post! That's great you have your husband to do this with you! Mine is a normal drinker, and I really don't think he gets my all or nothing type thinking..but it's what I have to do. Look forward to hearing about your drink free month! Happy Holidays to you!

SusanE

Darn, my post didn't make it. As far as amount goes, most Sundays I have two glasses of wine, most weekdays nothing, and Fridays and Saturdays are wild cards. I usually allow myself three or four drinks that I carefully measure and make last three of four hours.

I can go weeks or months like this and I'm happy and fine but then I find myself waking up still wearing my reading glasses, with a terrible hangover, guilt, fear, depression and sometimes mysterious bruises. And, every now and again have Bloody Marys with Saturday brunch - not as harmless as it sounds.

My husband drinks a lot more and, I now believe, goes through actual withdrawal every week. I think alcohol is hurting him physically and I know it's murdering my self-esteem. Thanks for listening to me. A lot of things are becoming clear to me as I type.

Saphie

Hi Susan and welcome to SR.
I think you've made the right decision to come here. One thing though from my painful experience: Whenever I woke up with unexplained bruises (too many times) I most certainly didn't know how much I drank the night before The two safe units I kept telling myself were not glasses but bottles. Keep reading and posting.

dedubya

HI again-
Ok I get it. Sounds like your husband is further along, like me. I have a good job with high demands- at least I think so- and my Mondays and Tuesdays were killing me. Somehow with my DNA (and sounds like his also) I am (now was) able to function those days and still do a good job. I can tell you alcohol is most definitely hurting both of you physically- and it doesn't get better by any means. You sound like a very cool person, so just look at the facts, relax, and do the right thing. FYI for your husband- after I went through my 10 days or so sober my Mondays and Tuesdays were like different worlds- I hopped out of bed ready to enjoy this world we live in. That's why I am committed to making this work.
Hoping you much peace and happiness with your new journey!!!!
Dub

Dee74

Welcome to SR Susan E.

Coming here helped me sort out a lot of things - I hope it can do the same for you

D

least

Welcome to SR! I hope you can find the answers you seek. Try giving it up fr a week and see how it goes.

Stereosteveo

Here's a sufficient substite: AA meetings. Just pick up the phone book. They're everywhere. At my club we three meetings a day, parties every holiday, birthday night every month. All you have to do is show up and watch. You don't have to say or do anything. I just got back from a meeting. Feel great. Everyone is welcome.

SusanE

That's a possibility. I didn't realize until today how heavily we rely upon alcohol for entertainment. It's getting to be less and less fun, though.

Stereosteveo

One thing I try to express to people seeking help is that today it's 100% perfectly OK with me to be an alcoholic, but it's the last thing I ever wanted to admit to. For years I had no idea what was so wrong with my life. I knew drinking had a lot to do with it, but alcoholism it is so much deeper than "the problems that alcohol caused me" so to speak.

I'm not happy about or proud of the disease, it ruins lives. But today I know EXACTLY what is/has been wrong with me, and I have tools to deal with my alcoholism that work all day every day.

Now you an/or your husband may or may not be as hopelss as I became. If you are that's OK too, because recovery can return you to any life you wish from wherever you are. I try to encourager people to give themselves time to find out right where they stand. Because it took almost a year for a brilliant guy like myself to become convinced of the "true" depth of the situation, and hence the need to follow through with the process.

A lot of people in AA will say to this effect "I wasn't an alcohlic when I got here. I just had a minor drinking issue. But after sitting around here and listening for a few months (years?/decades?) I slowly became one of you. Thank you so much!" lol

So I just encourage you to get out there and learn. If you're like 99.99% of us, you won't get it right from the beginning. But no matter what happens, keep seeking the solution. It is there. Do Not beat yourself up along the way.

I forgot to mention above also, noone is going to force anything on you in AA. Most people will only share their Experience/Strength/HOPE!

I almost quit going to AA. A few of the things I heard I didn't like hearing, mostly because it was true. So I had to go out. But the alcohol kept scaring me back in.

You probably won't find the "perfect" meeting. If you live in a large metro area, just go "meeting hopping". Just like bar hopping without booze right? It's a lot of fun. You will meet a lot of really cool people and have more phone numbers than you will know what to do with. I'm telling you, AA, and recovery period, is a whole new world.

SusanE

I'm afraid it's too late for the beating myself up part. I know you like AA and while it may or may not be for us, I don't feel like you're pushing it on me so don't worry about that. Thank you for your kind and thoughtful reply, and thanks to all of you who replied.

Hevyn

Susan, if I could reach back in time and do what you're doing, my life would have turned out completely different. My husband and I were weekend partiers too. We had a wonderful 12 yrs. traveling, clubbing - increasing our drinking along the way. What started as just drinking on days off became a daily necessity. Finally, he needed it to function - drank to stop the shakes before leaving for work.

Alcohol took us down, destroyed our happy marriage, sucked the life out of us. He never was able to break free of it. He died 2 yrs. ago. I was sober for 3 yrs. once but picked it back up and was off for 7 more years of hell - dui's, ruined relationships, health problems. You can stop this collision course you may be on.

We'll be looking forward to hearing how it's going for you. It's great that you've made the decision to have a healthier life.