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sponsor any Ny'ers?

Old 10-22-2009, 12:30 PM
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sponsor any Ny'ers?

I am exhausted today, went to gym last night and had to wake up arly for doc appt before work.

I am having a hard time with these people at AA meetings. They seem like they have been put through the ringer a LOT worse than me. I called my sponsor for the firs time today to tell him I was depressed today and having a hard time and he really didn't offer anything or not much....

The guy that recommended him just says call him and listen and there wasn't much feedback, I'm frustrated....

Any New Yorkers here?

Mike
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Old 10-22-2009, 01:38 PM
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i have heard horror stories much worse than mine,,just a bit of advice that was given to me,dont look for the differences,look for simlilarities.if we buy into that whole thing of not being as bad as other people in the rooms our alki brains will tell us we arnt that bad and maybe,just maybe we arnt alcoholic.as far as sponsors go,ther is no contract,but i would give this guy another chance,especially since he was recommended,whenever someone dosnt say what i want them to or do what i want them to i have to question myself,am i being selfish? am i being self seeking? you are helping this other guy too by calling him,thats how this works (part of it) so maybe think about him and see what you can offer him.being taken out of oneself is huge in recovery.if you truly and honestly can say that hes not going to be much use to you,then move on.i talk with my sponsor about stuff,but mainly my sponsor was the right person that came along at the time that i wanted to take me through the 12 step recovery programme.
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Old 10-22-2009, 01:39 PM
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I am not a New Yorker, but since your sponsor didn't give you what you need, why not go to a meeting? Tell your story during the meeting or hang out afterwards, --I bet you find what you need. Regardless of other's stories seeming a lot worse than yours -- your story is bad to you, but others won't know it until you speak up at a meeting --be persistant, you can even start by saying "my issue is probably trivial to all of yours, but...", --I bet some of those seemingly hard luck cases give you what you need in connection and support.

Stay with it!
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Old 10-22-2009, 01:55 PM
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I live in the Albany area. But I dont go to meetings.
Sorry you didnt get the support you were looking for.
Maybe look for another sponsor?
Anyway, Welcome and if you ever need support. You can always come here.
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Old 10-22-2009, 01:56 PM
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The guy that recommended him just says call him and listen and there wasn't much feedback, I'm frustrated....
did he offer any solution??

AA works great for me, but maybe I dont have to go to the same places as some .....to know we all felt the same at the end of our drinking.....usually feeling of guilt, anger, shame, loneliness, anxiety, terror, bewilderment, emptiness, profound sadness, despair

the first step in the 12 by 12 talks about some peoples bottoms............


"It was obviously necessary to raise the bottom the rest of us had hit to the
point where it would hit them. By going back in our own drinking histories, we
could show that years before we realized it we were out of control, that our
drinking even then was no mere habit, that it was indeed the beginning of a
fatal progression. To the doubters we could say, "Perhaps you're not an
alcoholic after all. Why don't you try some more controlled drinking, bearing
in mind meanwhile what we have told you about alcoholism?" This attitude
brought immediate and practical results. It was then discovered that when one
alcoholic had planted in the mind of another the true nature of his malady,
that person could never be the same again. Following every spree, he would say
to himself, "Maybe those A.A.'s were right..." After a few such experiences,
often years before the onset of extreme difficulties, he would return to us
convinced. He had hit bottom as truly as any of us. John Barleycorn himself had
become our best advocate."
"Why all this insistence that every A.A. must hit bottom first? The answer is
that few people will sincerely try to practice the A.A. program unless they
have hit bottom. For practicing A.A.'s remaining eleven Steps means the
adoption of attitudes and actions that almost no alcoholic who is still
drinking can dream of taking. Who wishes to be rigorously honest and tolerant?
Who wants to confess his faults to another and make restitution for harm done?
Who cares anything about a Higher Power, let alone meditation and prayer? Who
wants to sacrifice time and energy in trying to carry A.A.'s message to the
next sufferer? No, the average alcoholic, self-centered in the extreme, doesn't
care for this prospect--unless he has to do these things in order to stay alive
himself. "
"Under the lash of alcoholism, we are driven to A.A., and there we discover the fatal nature of our situation. Then, and only then, do we become as open-minded
to conviction and as willing to listen as the dying can be. We stand ready to
do anything which will lift the merciless obsession from us."
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Old 10-22-2009, 02:05 PM
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Originally Posted by anthronify View Post
I am not a New Yorker, but since your sponsor didn't give you what you need, why not go to a meeting? Tell your story during the meeting or hang out afterwards, --I bet you find what you need. Regardless of other's stories seeming a lot worse than yours -- your story is bad to you, but others won't know it until you speak up at a meeting --be persistant, you can even start by saying "my issue is probably trivial to all of yours, but...", --I bet some of those seemingly hard luck cases give you what you need in connection and support.

Stay with it!
I have been to two meetings and maybe I am being selfish but it doesn't seem like enough attention. I said part of my story at the last meeting and just feel a little odd. I appreciate the support but I feel like I have nothing to look forward to.

I would always look forward to drinking to get me through, jus thaving a bad day. I feel guilty becasue I haven't been as affectionate or intimate with my girlfriend and don't really have much of a desire as I am having some issues in that area.

She even mentioned to me a few days ago when I came over and was not in a good mood something to the effect of "You need me more as a friend now and not as a lover"

Just made me feel bad...
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Old 10-22-2009, 03:30 PM
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ggghhyh585 --I understand what you are saying.

I first went to AA by court mandate. When it came to my turn to talk I just said I was there to listen. At the end of the meeting I got my signature (required by my probation officer) and bolted.

My turning point came when I told my story for about the fifth time (I think) and before I could leave the room (after getting the signature) two guys came to me and started talking --at first I wasn't interested in their chat, but I politely listened. Something happenned that night when I got home, I began to wonder if my newfound sobriety had merit with other newbies --I also wondered if my own newbie stories brought recognition and encouragement to the experienced AA attendees. I guess I felt belonged to a group, something I didn't feel before.

Two meetings isn't enough (sorry, I wish it were too)... When I was mandated to go to three meetings a week I got that little yellow book for the Denver area and shopped around... at first I attended different meetings because I was anxious that when I said "I am here to listen not talk" that someone would call me out, or worse, not sign my attendance form. Of course that never happened.

I wonder if you just need to find the meeting that appeals to you --the right personalities for instance, or the fewer chain smokers, or a better smelling church basement.

My only advice is to keep trying.

Girlfriend issue: when I kept relapsing I lost my mojo --my benders were 7 to 10 days with me left in bed feeling like I was dying from withdrawal (even with the low dose valium pills I bought off the homeless).

The mojo does comes back with long-term sobriety. For now, however, put your recovery first and the results will eventually come.
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Old 10-23-2009, 09:15 AM
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This will be the first weekend in approx 8 years that I will not drink...AHHHHHHHHHHH!

I have used alcohol as a sexual lubricant and am terrified not using it most of the time too....
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Old 10-23-2009, 10:01 AM
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Hang in there - I've used it as a social lubricant as long as I've been drinking. It makes the meetings that much harder for me. Find a meeting tonight. I think that's what I'm going to do. You just have to remember why you're making the decisions that you are.

You have to find that good reason......and repeat it to yourself over and over again.
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Old 10-23-2009, 10:02 AM
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In fact...why not tell me right now. We both know why the two of us WANT to drink. But why do you want to STOP?
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Old 10-23-2009, 10:33 AM
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I know the reasons: becasue it has caused me legal problems (DWI), it has hindered my personal ambition and stagnated me in my horrible job, it has caused my grief and I believe it has caused me sexual problems at 29.

I know this is an alcoholics forum but I am overly concerned with my sexual well being so much right now. I have been sober for two and a half days after going on a three week binge drinking every day but not to oblivion....
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Old 10-23-2009, 11:10 AM
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It would be a really, really good idea for you to talk to your dr. about your sexual issues.

I'm glad to hear you're staying sober.
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