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Old 10-17-2009, 01:24 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Keeping it in the day...


One Day at a Time.

For me this has to be the most crucial philosophy in maintaining my sobriety. I am feeling a little "strange" this week and old "twinges" of depression and strange, uneasy, all consuming thoughts and feelings of self-consciousness have been hitting me and I know that partly I used to drink/binge these feelings away as just for a small moment of time they went away and I could just not really feel anything but oblivion/buzzing/high. Only to resurface stronger than before and thus that horrible vicious cycle of depression/binging.

When i find myself starting to get overwhelmed about a future without alcohol/drugs I just remind myself to keep my thoughts in the Moment. It is so easy to start questioning my life and am i really doing the right thing, how did it ever get to this etcetc.

I am merely expressing my thoughts at the moment and am not looking to commit to the twelve steps of AA, with a sponsor or anything, as i feel I do not need to do that as I am doing OK and it just not "feel" right to me. These feeling of depression/self-consciousness would be there regardless of any twelve steps or not, I just dont drink them away anymore so will have to deal with them.

I am finding it difficult at the moment as I am still very wary of venturing out anywhere as I am very wary to keep away from sources of Booze/first drink and the reality of life in England at the age of 23 is that whils't most people aren't alcoholics like me, they do enjoy a drink and it is everywhere in which there is to go out.

I guess I am still coming to terms with not having drinking/drugs as a lifestyle anymore and a lot of my views/life were shaped around this. I always felt like Mr Rock N' Roll even if I was binging alone, I dunno kinda hard to explain. It felt like a part of me in some kinda way.

This is in no means a post in which i am hinting at drinking, there is categorically no way that i am going to drink, nor do i desire to drink, it's just I am finding my thinking starting to wonder out of the day.

Saturday nights are always hard. I am still wary of how vulnerable I maybe though and don't want to be/don't have the confidence to venture out.

I thought I would express how i am feeling as although it ain't a glowing post at the end of the day this is where I am at so I ain;t gonna B*llshit anyone, thats what recovery is about ain't it? Honesty?

Increase the peace. Another night of xbox!!! gggrrrrhhhhh lol
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Old 10-17-2009, 02:39 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Neo,

I guess all you can do is keep it in the day. I too have been having a week similar to yours. I have come so close to just getting a 'little bottle' to maybe feel....I don't know what... but I know it won't help like you said however it is tempting.

Hope you find a good movie or something to take your mind off of Sat. nite. Just know you are not alone in your thought process!!
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Old 10-17-2009, 06:36 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NEOMARXIST View Post
One Day at a Time.

For me this has to be the most crucial philosophy in maintaining my sobriety. I am feeling a little "strange" this week and old "twinges" of depression and strange, uneasy, all consuming thoughts and feelings of self-consciousness have been hitting me and I know that partly I used to drink/binge these feelings away as just for a small moment of time they went away and I could just not really feel anything but oblivion/buzzing/high. Only to resurface stronger than before and thus that horrible vicious cycle of depression/binging.

When i find myself starting to get overwhelmed about a future without alcohol/drugs I just remind myself to keep my thoughts in the Moment. It is so easy to start questioning my life and am i really doing the right thing, how did it ever get to this etcetc.

I am merely expressing my thoughts at the moment and am not looking to commit to the twelve steps of AA, with a sponsor or anything, as i feel I do not need to do that as I am doing OK and it just not "feel" right to me. These feeling of depression/self-consciousness would be there regardless of any twelve steps or not, I just dont drink them away anymore so will have to deal with them.

Increase the peace. Another night of xbox!!! gggrrrrhhhhh lol
Right there with you on all points. I'm not a 12 steper, but One Day at a Time is really a mantra I can identify with. I forget it frequently, those are the times I feel myself tempted, depressed, overwhelmed. Them I remember and it brings me some degree of "peace". I need to do a better job of remembering it in the first place, but at least I am to the point where before I get too down and desperate, I can remember those little words.

BTW, right there with you on the Xbox thing. Spent far too many "quality hours" with my machine, but if it helps keep me clean...so be it!! Play on!!! Take care.
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Old 10-17-2009, 07:55 PM   #4 (permalink)
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It's ok, you don't have to commit to AA or the 12 steps The one day at a time approach works best regardless of how you stay sober. At one point I was doing it one hour at a time. And you're absolutely correct, recovery is all about honesty. Not only to others, but also to ourselves.
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Old 10-17-2009, 11:48 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Nice post Neo I play Call of Duty 4 quite often on my XBOX 360 & waiting on the release of Modern Warfare 2... Forza 3 will also be dropping soon cant wait.

Keep up the great work

Take Care,

NB
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Old 10-18-2009, 05:41 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Hey Neo! Sometimes I feel like I am still getting to know the sober me. I take the one day at a time mantra as well. I have up days and down days. I seem to be getting better at living with this SOBER.

I don't have an xBox, but I am thinking about investing in one!
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Old 10-18-2009, 06:41 AM   #7 (permalink)
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I know how it is to be in your early twenty's and not be able to drink/do drugs cause ur an addict....i'm 25 and i've been on and off on recovery for several years now.
After all this time i'm finally starting to get some peace with whom I am, and therefor I sometimes can go out in an environment were everybody is drunk/high. Try to keep the focus on yourself, not on those around you and you'll be able to have fun too.

I have great respect for your 'in the moment' thing...all great things in life are in the moment I guess....

keep it up!
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Old 10-18-2009, 07:01 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Sometimes it's one Moment at a time. I so applaud you for facing this in your youth. You are so much further ahead than many of us.

Stay in the day.
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Old 10-18-2009, 09:08 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Neomarxist - I understand that especially at a younger age, the peer pressure is very strong to drink. But, when I started running and doing races, I was introduced to a whole new group of people who lived an extremely healthy lifestyle. These people went for long runs on Saturday nights. They didn't go to bars, but after a long run, they would all end up in a coffee shop laughing, having fun, and really enjoying one another's company.

They would go camping together - and not sit around the camp fire drinking, but would go for a long hike.

So, it may be helpful to find a new interest that puts you around people who are doing something athletic (and there are a lot of choices - you don't have to hang out with the marathoners if that isn't your thing. One of my friends got into paint ball, for instance).

And besides, most people who are very active are fit and attractive, so it can be a great place to meet people.
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Old 10-18-2009, 09:35 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Good post Neo. I had that feeling yesterday. "You mean, no drinking, FOREVER?" I try to live in the moment. Not wallowing in the past, or worrying about the future, but being in the now. Now is the only moment that matters.

I agree with the advice to get with people who are active and enjoy healthy active activities. I'm going to go hike a rail-to-trail today.
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Old 10-18-2009, 10:25 AM   #11 (permalink)
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I'm feeling good and positive again now.

The secret is knowing that you will literally never regret not drinking and that by just keeping your thinking in the moment you will leave things available to happen in your future on lifes terms rather than stealing from the future in-order to "quick-fix" a problem that you have conjured up in a mind which you know is alcoholic.

Having faith in the other sober alcoholics who have gone before me really does keep me soldiering on through all the mind-games that I can create for myself. I guess it is a trait of mine to think very deeply about things and I guess that was another trait what makes me an alcoholic.

I am grateful to be sober and I can once again feel positive about my future as you know what, I am sober!!


Peace and Love xx
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