NEOMARXIST

One Day at a Time.

For me this has to be the most crucial philosophy in maintaining my sobriety. I am feeling a little "strange" this week and old "twinges" of depression and strange, uneasy, all consuming thoughts and feelings of self-consciousness have been hitting me and I know that partly I used to drink/binge these feelings away as just for a small moment of time they went away and I could just not really feel anything but oblivion/buzzing/high. Only to resurface stronger than before and thus that horrible vicious cycle of depression/binging.

When i find myself starting to get overwhelmed about a future without alcohol/drugs I just remind myself to keep my thoughts in the Moment. It is so easy to start questioning my life and am i really doing the right thing, how did it ever get to this etcetc.

I am merely expressing my thoughts at the moment and am not looking to commit to the twelve steps of AA, with a sponsor or anything, as i feel I do not need to do that as I am doing OK and it just not "feel" right to me. These feeling of depression/self-consciousness would be there regardless of any twelve steps or not, I just dont drink them away anymore so will have to deal with them.

I am finding it difficult at the moment as I am still very wary of venturing out anywhere as I am very wary to keep away from sources of Booze/first drink and the reality of life in England at the age of 23 is that whils't most people aren't alcoholics like me, they do enjoy a drink and it is everywhere in which there is to go out.

I guess I am still coming to terms with not having drinking/drugs as a lifestyle anymore and a lot of my views/life were shaped around this. I always felt like Mr Rock N' Roll even if I was binging alone, I dunno kinda hard to explain. It felt like a part of me in some kinda way.

This is in no means a post in which i am hinting at drinking, there is categorically no way that i am going to drink, nor do i desire to drink, it's just I am finding my thinking starting to wonder out of the day.

Saturday nights are always hard. I am still wary of how vulnerable I maybe though and don't want to be/don't have the confidence to venture out.

I thought I would express how i am feeling as although it ain't a glowing post at the end of the day this is where I am at so I ain;t gonna B*llshit anyone, thats what recovery is about ain't it? Honesty?

Increase the peace. Another night of xbox!!! gggrrrrhhhhh lol