Eclipse

I just can't do this anymore. I am spiraling out of control. It is as bad as it has ever been. The anxiety is killing me, I am not getting anything done. All I can think about it the next drink to calm me down. I am really falling apart. I keep thinking it will get better, but its doesn't. I am scared something bad is going to happen. I don't even have anything to stress about. I never used to be like this. I know it is the alcohol. I just feel like I can't cope without it and don't even try at this point. I just wish I had the willpower to do it. I know how much better the other side is, I just can't get there. I can't imagine going home tonite and not drinking a bottle of wine. I am so sad. I am on anti-depressants, like that is really helping. Where do I go? How do you do this? I am desperate.

flutter

Do you think it might be time now to seek medical intervention? I want you to be safe, maybe call your doctor, or go to the Emergency Room. Get the help you desperately need!

least

Please do seek medical help. If you can get medical help to get thru the withdrawals it might be a bit easier to stay sober after that.

ToABetterMe

Maybe there is an AA member that you could call & they could come over, or meet you for dinner.

Im so sorry you are feeling like this!

Anna

Hi Eclipse,

Anxiety is awful. I had it long before I began drinking and I still deal with it. But, it was at its worst while I was drinking. It is something that you can learn to live with.

Maybe your antidepressant is the right one for you. Talk to your dr. I have had to change dosages and it took me 3 tries to find one that worked for me. But, it's worth the effort. Don't give up.

HideorSeek

Hi Eclipse...I am so sorry that you are going through this. You sound so lonely, but you don't have to be. When you speak with your Dr, be open to all possiblities. If something hasn't, in the past, worked for you, try something else, something more. Perhaps inpatient, perhaps campral, naltrexone, antabuse, AA, RR, SR...what I am trying to say is don't give up. There is a solution for you, you just need to find it.

adore79

((((((Eclipse)))))) If nothing else has worked, maybe give AA a try? It wouldnt hurt. I'm sorry you are struggling.

Eclipse

Thanks, I have actually been thinking about the AA thing. Just terrified. It has just progressed so much over the last six months. I have just seen my doctor and she gave me some Lorazepam, but it doesn't help either. I am kind of scared to take it if I am still drinking on top of the anti-depressants. What a mess I am. I would have never seen myself in this place a year ago. And nobody but my husband and a friend even know I have a problem...The thing that is scaring me is that I am getting drinking in places and times I normally would have never before.

Thanks for caring.

ToABetterMe

My husband has terrible Anexity attacks, and they started him on Lorazepam as well. And it didnt seem to help.
He switched last month to Paroxetine & that seems to do better.

Hopefully you can go back to the Dr & they can try new Meds. Everything works different on everyone.

(((Hugs)))

littlefish

We don't bite in AA, promise.....
give us a chance. We are there sometimes when no one else is.

Eclipse

I don't know why I am so scared to go. I will see someone I know? I am admitting I have a problem? Duh... Don't have time? Stupid I know.

Toomutch

Eclipse - Going to your doctor and being honest by sharing everything you shared with us would be a great start. It seems as if you are leaning toward AA.... if so, find a meeting and go.
You can do this Eclipse! Having any plan would be better than what you are currently experiencing.

Horselover

Definitely try AA or something new. You have to try something that you haven't tried before and some type of support face to face would be ideal. You could have people to call and meet with that could help you through this. I do hope you'll keep reaching out Eclipse. It is an awful disease for sure.

By the way, I know why you are scared to go or at least I think I do and you won't be scared after the first time. Its the unknown Eclipse or at least that could be part of it. I'm always afraid of things that I haven't control over and not knowing about something is definitely not having control over it. It will be better after you go and find out about it. Can you maybe call and see if you could go with someone or meet someone? Just a thought.

gerryP

(((((Eclipse))))))

Your thread brought me back a few years to where I was. I remember all that vividly. I remember feeling just as you are today...and that day was the beginning of the end of my drinking for good.

Best of everything Eclipse.

TTOSBT

I am praying for you.
I too remember vividly that feeling. I felt so trapped and terrified.
11 months later and I am free. I owe a lot of that to the fellowship of AA.
:ghug

Eclipse

It is just the worst feeling ever. The panic and anxiety is what is doing me in. I can't wait until it is time to go to bed so I don't have to deal with anything else but then I can't sleep, have cold sweats at night. I worry about the most stupid things and it all just blows up. I need to exercise or something. It rained really hard yesterday and I walked outside and it smelled so good. I just want to be in that place I had for a minute. I feel like I am going 110 mph....eek. Sorry.

gerryP

Ugh Eclipse, I remember.......

Have you thought of, or consider a medically supervised detox sooner than later?

Anti depressants won't work if you are still drinking, so where to go from here.....

Wombat05

Eclipse--
Just this very week I felt the same way. I haven't had a drink since early February--but was still feeling terrible anxiety. I had been trying everything I knew how to do: Exercise, vitamins, diet, breathing activities, having a cup of relaxing tea, CDs, books--you name it--I tried it.
Nothing seemed to calm me down. Late at night when the house was quiet, laying in bed many times I was convinced I was going to die. I fought sleep, yet prayed for it to make my mind shut off for a bit. Time ticked away on the clock, and who knows when--but I would finally drift off for a few hours, only to start the cycle again.
The last straw was last Thursday. I woke up, did my normal routine. Could feel the beginnings of an anxiety episode. Got pro-active and took my dog for a really hard run. I was determined to run this s@#t out of me. When I got home, my chest was so tight, my mind raced so badly that I sat down, and feared to close my eyes because I was again convinced this was it. I was going to die. I actually remember thinking--very clearly--that I hoped it happened. Anything would be better than how I felt.
I panicked. I called my girlfriend. I called my doctor. I made it very clear to the doctor that I needed to see her now.
I write this to you today feeling nothing like I did just a few short days ago. The medication I was on for anxiety wasn't working. The medication I am on now is like night and day. I also know that while I was drinking, I was diminishing the benefits of the medication that would help me.
If you can, please, please, please see your doctor. Tell them the absolute truth about your drinking. It is the only way they can help you to the best of their ability.
My thoughts are with you today, and I feel terribly you are suffering. Please take care.

tk1fry

Eclipse, that is Exactly how i felt when i checked my self in to detox and rehab. Going without a bottle of wine was unimaginable, especially when it made all the anxiety go away. Your post gave me flashbacks for sure. I would encourage you to possible check yourself in (its life threatening you know) and treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated.

At least your on SR and talking. That can be a huge start. Keep coming back.

ooh, I hate saying that corny stuff, whats even worse is that I mean it.

Sorry, my disease just burbed up there, pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.

firestorm090

Jeez eclipse, I was where you are just a few weeks ago, it's horrible to live with the booze and we don't know how to live without it. Makes us feel like a northbound train on a southbound track and a huge engine is headed our way. Do we jump or turn around? That's where others come in to play for many have gotten off that same track. AA might just be the ticket to a new direction, or at least help you get on the right track. Also, many come here for 24/7 support, I know I did. I would just come here and read if no one was around, at least I felt connected. It helped tremendously, especially in those wee hours of the morning or on Friday nights, my day to start the weekend at the bar. Try whatever feels right, but don't stop trying. You can get on a new track, but be prepared for the ride of a lifetime.