Jayne2

Hi Eclipse,

I'm new here too. I used to drink away my anxiety and my tendency to go 110% all the time but it gradually made the anxiety worse - to the point that the next day after drinking was consumed by paralyzing panic attacks. The only relief seemed to be a drink and then the cycle would begin all over. It is only when I have been off alcohol for awhile that my panic become more manageable.

One of the worst experiences of my drinking career was having to drive 2 hours to an early morning business meeting, having the panic come on full throttle IN the meeting - to the point where I could barely respond to people - and then have to drive the 2 hours back, convinced I was about to have a seizure in the middle of the highway. The insanity was, as soon as I got home, I drank 3 beers to take the edge off.

I never ever want to go back to that horrible place again. It took me a long time to realize that the alcohol had actually begun to CAUSE the panic instead of helping it.

Keep reaching out. Keep trying. You CAN do this. Don't ever be afraid to ask for help. Shame is a terrible reason to keep bearing this burden alone.

Jayne

Missymae737

Hi Eclipse,

I am short of time but I just had to continue reading the replies and respond to you...
Lorazepam is addictive, much worse, drinking and taking them could end your very life...

Believe, more people may know you have a problem more than you think...I thought I handled it well and few people knew...I was wrong...Many people knew...The longer this disease continues in an active way, the more people will know..You won't be able to hide it..I tried.

Lots of great advise above and keep posting..I know your fear, it will get better, just don't drink...Did you talk to your DR. about your drinking? I don't have time to look back...

I am thinking of you...

You can do this..I didn't think I could put two hours together, but I did with help..

Stay in touch with us..We want to hear how you are doing...:ghug

Eclipse

Thanks, I had an anxiety attack or something the other night and my chest literally hurt. I thought I was having a heart attack. So what do I do, have a drink to calm down. It worked, but the anxiety always comes back. I know it is a vicious cycle and if I can just get past a few days, it will hopefully lessen.

Thanks for the prayers and encouragement. I don't have anyone else I can talk to this openly about it. I have spoke to my husband, and he knows, and is helpful but I don't think he wants to hear it over and over again and I certainly can't blame the poor guy. But he does give hugs and back massages. My shoulders get so tensed up I can even relax them.

colagirl

(((Eclipse))) I've been there too. When I first decided to stop drinking last year it was the worst. I started anti-depressants too and found that whenever I had extended periods of sobriety I felt really, really good and the anxiety went away. It probably took a couple of months or so on the medication without the constant alcohol before I felt normal again. I eventually did though! Of course, any time I start drinking again, it starts to come back.

I hope you start to feel better, I know it's the worst feeling ever.

Horselover

It seems like we alcoholics have yet another thing in common Eclipse. Anxiety was big for me too. I would get so anxious trying to get dinner on the table and "deal" with my son at the same time that I couldn't wait to pour the glass of wine. It felt like it made everything so much better, but . . . it actually made everything worse in the long run. I also was anxious while driving (not talking about driving under the influence), but whenever I hit the highway that I would mostly avoid highways. That too went away. It does get better, but you HAVE to decide you want the prize of sobriety more then you want the temporary relief of the alcohol. It isn't easy, but I did it and I am living proof it can be done and so are so many, many wonderful people here on SR. Go minute by minute if you have to. I had to and had to change my routines for awhile so I wasn't ready to pour that 5 O'Clock glass of wine.

Believe808

If you see someone you know, they are there for the same reason.
I am more comfortable and less anxious when I am sitting at a meeting than anywhere else. Maybe because the people there are just like me.
Please take care of yourself.

Aysha

All I can say is maybe its time to do something different.
And maybe talk to your Dr about trying some other meds.
Just wishing it away or hoping it goes away isnt gonna get you far.
I ahve felt like that so many times. But you have to be willing to do something about it.
The answers arent in a pill or just going to fall out of the sky.
I hope you seek some help somewhere..somehow.
Hang in there. I hope you feel better.

Eclipse

That is exactly what I have to do. My evening routine is so hectic with kid's homework, running them to all their stuff, making dinner, doing laundry...I almost just hate going home. I think I just need to change something, stay out of the path of the store and figure out something to do when I get home to get the night started better. I love to walk and with the weather I might just have to get home and go for a walk and forgo all the other duties until I get my walk. I know that will help with the anxiety to.

Thanks to all of you so much for being there for me...you have no idea.

Horselover

We must be kin Eclipse. I only have 1 child, but I could feel the stress as I read your thread. PM me anytime. You CAN do this!

Jayne2

Eclipse - you are right! You need to change it up.

For a long time, wine was my reward as I was cooking dinner for putting in a hard day and doing EVERYTHING it seemed around the house. I thought I could never cook again because it was such a trigger for me. I'd make these elaborate meals that took an hour or two to prepare SO I COULD DRINK MORE. Now I make what I make, and sometimes I don't cook at all. I need to do whatever it takes for me, and if that means letting some things go around the house in the short-term, so be it. You need to do whatever it takes to break this cycle and take care of yourself and your sobriety. Plus giving yourself permission - true permission - to not be a superwoman and do it all will definitely help with some of the tension and anxiety.

I'm cheering for you!

Jayne

Pixy1

I so understand that stressfull time of day I have 4 children myself and since they were very small I would open a bottle of wine while I cook dinner. It then got to the stage I would open it before I even started the dinner..... Lately I don't even cook. We have had Take aways 3-4 times a week for the last year I would say.

I also had the worst anxiety during the night last night. I put it down to coming off the anti depressants but I'm sure the fact I was withdrawing from alcohol had a lot to do with it. I never want to feel like this again and I wont!!

For the first time ever I wan't to be sober more than drink.

Eclipse thank you for starting this thread, there has been so much good advice and I'm going to take every bit of it in.

I'll catch up with you properly tomorrow, chin up girl :ghug3

Eclipse

I plan to get this going tomorrow. I have to. My husband left the house tonite to run kids around and as he was leaving he said "stay sober". I said, "what a sad thing you have to say to your wife as you leave the house." It just sucks.

I have a huge extracurricular project this weekend that I have to put together that includes 3 days and 300 athletes and I do all the computer work. I am so stressed out about it that I am just procrastinating....normally I would love it and dive right in....sooo...no more wine...a little break and then off I go...

littlefish

I too was a meal-preparation drinker. When I quit I had a hard time getting through the cooking time because it was such an ingrained habit to have that wine or beer to "get me through it".
A couple of things I tried to get me over that part of the day was to prepare a meal the night before or earlier in the day. It took care of the stress and relieved me from that feeling of being tied to the stove. I also go to two week-night AA meetings, and that naturally takes me out of the kitchen. On those days I fix something easy beforehand and leave it for my family.
It's actually helped me learn how to make simpler, faster meals.

Something I would highly recommend Eclipse is that when you feel a little more stable and this crisis has passed, to sit down and plan your recovery.
When you are feeling relatively calm, you can outline what steps to take to start recovery. Trying to start a program in the midst of a panic stricken mood is very difficult.
My plan was:
1) Dr. visit: tell the doctor about the extent of the drinking and get some blood work done
2) Contact an outpatient addiction center and discuss treatment
3) Go to my first AA meeting

Good luck and keep us posted!

Eclipse

I have gone to the doctor and told her all. She did blood tests and all came back normal. I have no reason to drink. I have a good life. So I just need to stop.

Today will be Day 1 for me, hopefully the last Day 1. I know the anxiety will lessen--its just the time in between that kills me.

Horselover

We don't need a reason E. We will invent a reason. It definitely can be your last day 1. I do understand about the time in between. We, together, can formulate a plan. PM'd you!

littlefish

Eclipse that is great that your blood work came back normal! Congrats on your day one, too!

Eclipse

I'm feeling okay today. In about 2 hours is when I get off work and head to the store. I feel very strongly that I won't do that today. I really just want to be done with it and it is almost a relief. We'll see how it goes with my routine tonite, which I am changing around a little bit.

Horselover

Do NOT head to the store tonight. You can head straight home. Do NOT go into a grocery store tonight. LOL! Seriously, E give yourself a chance. If I kept going to the store every day in the beginning I surely would have caved in. Its like walking into a bar for some. Have your husband do the shopping or shop with a friend that knows you want to no longer drink. Make someone your accountable to in the beginning. My husband would have killed me if I went back on drinking because our marriage was pretty much hanging by a thread. I think I knew it deep down, but he recently revealed it to me verbally. It hit me like a ton of bricks, but I was grateful for his honesty. It helps me even now keep strong when I'm feeling those pangs. Kick the you know what out those cravings/urges/whatever you want to call them!! Hugs!

IO Storm

Sending you my thoughts too E!

Your posts bring back so many memories..i too, have been exactly where you are

at this moment.

Did you decide on taking the script? What did your doctor say about it?

bellezza

You inspire me..I walked away 10 times while reading this post..thinking it was a joke..thinking that maybe I wrote it and did not remember. You will be ok..and I hope that I will too.

much love and strength,
j