Highs and lows
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: MD
Posts: 64
Highs and lows
Hello Everyone,
I am 29 days into recovery. For 27 days I was feeling great, on top of the world, I'll even say spectacular!
For the past two days I have been feeling bad but afraid to tell anyone. My new AA friends seem so excited about how great I have been doing/feeling, I don't want to disappoint them or let them know I have not been feeling well. They are my biggest cheerleaders.
I am feeling not very excited about my new life all of a sudden, I think I actually MISS my old ways, my comfort with the known. This is all so new for me, I am so out of my comfort zone on so many levels.
Suddenly, I have been craving a drink like crazy (one day at a time has been working), and I have had an urge to hang out with my old "friends" in my same old bad places. I am thinking "this too shall pass", and maybe this is a part of recovery? I am so afraid this is a sign that I have not hit bottom or that I am not ready yet. Tonight I am not having a drink because right now, this minute I want to be sober more than I want to drink. I am taking day by day and right now minute by minute.
I am afraid that it is going to get worse if I don't do something, change something, etc. I want to better my life but my old life suddenly seems so comfortable. Crazy but true. I am craving familiarity I think more than alcohol but everything seems so mixed up right now.
Is this a part of recovery and how long will it last? Am I not ready for recovery?? I am terrified of this thought. Please advise.
Thank you,
BA
I am 29 days into recovery. For 27 days I was feeling great, on top of the world, I'll even say spectacular!
For the past two days I have been feeling bad but afraid to tell anyone. My new AA friends seem so excited about how great I have been doing/feeling, I don't want to disappoint them or let them know I have not been feeling well. They are my biggest cheerleaders.
I am feeling not very excited about my new life all of a sudden, I think I actually MISS my old ways, my comfort with the known. This is all so new for me, I am so out of my comfort zone on so many levels.
Suddenly, I have been craving a drink like crazy (one day at a time has been working), and I have had an urge to hang out with my old "friends" in my same old bad places. I am thinking "this too shall pass", and maybe this is a part of recovery? I am so afraid this is a sign that I have not hit bottom or that I am not ready yet. Tonight I am not having a drink because right now, this minute I want to be sober more than I want to drink. I am taking day by day and right now minute by minute.
I am afraid that it is going to get worse if I don't do something, change something, etc. I want to better my life but my old life suddenly seems so comfortable. Crazy but true. I am craving familiarity I think more than alcohol but everything seems so mixed up right now.
Is this a part of recovery and how long will it last? Am I not ready for recovery?? I am terrified of this thought. Please advise.
Thank you,
BA
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Remind yourself strongly, don't sugar coat, why you quit drinking to begin with. Alcohol must have been bad enough to give it up. If you pick up again it's not going to be any different, I have much experience at that. Every time I relapsed I got worse. Don't learn the hard way. Keep moving forward and don't go back! Nothing is so bad that drinking can't make it worse.
Take it one minute or hour at a time, if that's what it takes to stay sober. You CAN do this. You can live thru this and not give in. It's entirely likely that you are feeling the effects of PAWS: Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome. Where the physical withdrawal is over but the brain and body are still getting back to normal. Mood swings are common and feeling crummy overall. There are stickies in the Alcoholism forum that explain it better.
You're going thru a rough patch, don't let it become quicksand. Oh and stop worrying about 'letting down' your AA friends. They would prefer you told them your true feelings, how else can they know to support you?
Take it one minute or hour at a time, if that's what it takes to stay sober. You CAN do this. You can live thru this and not give in. It's entirely likely that you are feeling the effects of PAWS: Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome. Where the physical withdrawal is over but the brain and body are still getting back to normal. Mood swings are common and feeling crummy overall. There are stickies in the Alcoholism forum that explain it better.
You're going thru a rough patch, don't let it become quicksand. Oh and stop worrying about 'letting down' your AA friends. They would prefer you told them your true feelings, how else can they know to support you?
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by BeachAngel 
Hello Everyone,
I am 29 days into recovery. For 27 days I was feeling great, on top of the world, I'll even say spectacular!
I am 29 days into recovery. For 27 days I was feeling great, on top of the world, I'll even say spectacular!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi again....
Please see if this information helps
Post Acute Withdrawl - Relapse Prevention Specialists - TLC The Living Center
Yes! you too can recover!
Please see if this information helps
Post Acute Withdrawl - Relapse Prevention Specialists - TLC The Living Center
Yes! you too can recover!
I'm just a little unwell
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Oh my goodness.
Go look up my thread called Quitting Drinking vs. Recovering. I think you and I are in almost exactly the same mindset, except I'm a few days ahead of you (if today is Nov. 10 then I'm on day 41).
I wish I could answer some of your questions. I've had some emotional bombshells dropped on me the past day or two so I'm feeling pretty fragile right now. I hope it will at least help you to know that you're not alone and you're not the only one who feels that way.
Go look up my thread called Quitting Drinking vs. Recovering. I think you and I are in almost exactly the same mindset, except I'm a few days ahead of you (if today is Nov. 10 then I'm on day 41).
I wish I could answer some of your questions. I've had some emotional bombshells dropped on me the past day or two so I'm feeling pretty fragile right now. I hope it will at least help you to know that you're not alone and you're not the only one who feels that way.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 76
Hey BeachAngel,
I felt exactly like you do when I was at just around 30 days. I remember how surprised and hurt I was that the urges and rationalization to drink came back.
I called my new recovering friends as well as some numbers of women I'd met at meetings but never phoned until then. Absolutely no one was disappointed in me. No one became less excited about my recovery. In fact, I think one woman said she was proud I'd phoned her. Had I kept it to myself, I'd have missed the opportunity to strengthen my friendships in recovery.
I've learned that I have to "tell on my disease." I have had a good laugh with my sponsor after saying out loud that I was thinking that I could drink or use responsibly. It makes sense in my head until I say it out loud. Then I can see how ridiculous it really is.
In my experience, yes, this is a part of (early) recovery. I didn't feel this way for more than a few days. The old comfort you remember can be replaced by a new comfort from new behaviors. That's how it's worked for me, anyway.
Best of luck to you and CONGRATULATIONS on 29 days!!
I felt exactly like you do when I was at just around 30 days. I remember how surprised and hurt I was that the urges and rationalization to drink came back.
I called my new recovering friends as well as some numbers of women I'd met at meetings but never phoned until then. Absolutely no one was disappointed in me. No one became less excited about my recovery. In fact, I think one woman said she was proud I'd phoned her. Had I kept it to myself, I'd have missed the opportunity to strengthen my friendships in recovery.
I've learned that I have to "tell on my disease." I have had a good laugh with my sponsor after saying out loud that I was thinking that I could drink or use responsibly. It makes sense in my head until I say it out loud. Then I can see how ridiculous it really is.
In my experience, yes, this is a part of (early) recovery. I didn't feel this way for more than a few days. The old comfort you remember can be replaced by a new comfort from new behaviors. That's how it's worked for me, anyway.
Best of luck to you and CONGRATULATIONS on 29 days!!
God's Kid
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,820
I wondered how you were getting on.
How's your business going?
If I recall correctly you were going to go to some AA meetings etc...?
Did that go well?
Did you get some phone numbers and stuff?
Yeah, I know I am 1001 questions. Lol.
And despite how you're feeling you are doing really well.
How's your business going?
If I recall correctly you were going to go to some AA meetings etc...?
Did that go well?
Did you get some phone numbers and stuff?
Yeah, I know I am 1001 questions. Lol.
And despite how you're feeling you are doing really well.
We Do Recover
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,619
Originally Posted by BeachAngel
For the past two days I have been feeling bad but afraid to tell anyone. My new AA friends seem so excited about how great I have been doing/feeling, I don't want to disappoint them or let them know I have not been feeling well. They are my biggest cheerleaders.
You did the right thing by posting how you feel and not picking up a drink. You will not disappoint anybody in AA--we have all been there. I don't know anyone in the program who was happy/excited all the time...especially when they were in early sobriety.
Originally Posted by BeachAngel
I am feeling not very excited about my new life all of a sudden, I think I actually MISS my old ways, my comfort with the known. This is all so new for me, I am so out of my comfort zone on so many levels.
Originally Posted by BeachAngel
Is this a part of recovery and how long will it last? Am I not ready for recovery?? I am terrified of this thought. Please advise.
You will have your ups/downs. You are in the recovery process already. This can be your bottom. Just keep moving forward--and hang with the women in AA (if you are female). They will help save your "butt" when you feel like you don't know what to do..and desperately need some help. Learn from everyone in the program--but stick close to the women. Some men, although not all men take advantage of females new to recovery. I was one of them. One thing I would suggest is being honest with those you trust in the program--your AA cheerleaders--and let them help you get through this. You don't have to pretend everything is ok when in fact is isn't. You aren't being true to yourself. Remember--"To thine own self be true."
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
If you decide to stay clean...
then perhaps you can go to a meeting and talk about what is going on. be honest always...although sometimes most people try to talk recovery **** to get approval, it's always best to focus on the truth.
keep up the good work
then perhaps you can go to a meeting and talk about what is going on. be honest always...although sometimes most people try to talk recovery **** to get approval, it's always best to focus on the truth.
keep up the good work
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Beachangel - I have to agree with RZ, in that it is part of recovery. The old voice will always try to seduce you back to the life you gave up for good reason. It will get weaker and have less airtime eventually though.
I was just talking with a friend on SR yesterday about how we do miss some of the aspects of our drinking, but know we could never attain the parts we miss the most. We were out of control when we ended it and out of control is the Act in the play that we would return to.
Good luck and thank you for your honesty. You are doing everything right here BA. Don't hold back with your new AA friends. They would think its probably odd if you didn't have these thoughts. Remember they traveled or are traveling on the same road as you. Let them take your hand and we will take your other hand.
I was just talking with a friend on SR yesterday about how we do miss some of the aspects of our drinking, but know we could never attain the parts we miss the most. We were out of control when we ended it and out of control is the Act in the play that we would return to.
Good luck and thank you for your honesty. You are doing everything right here BA. Don't hold back with your new AA friends. They would think its probably odd if you didn't have these thoughts. Remember they traveled or are traveling on the same road as you. Let them take your hand and we will take your other hand.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Illinois
Posts: 18
Beachangel, I admire your determination. I know I second guess myself frequently. I think you know you are ready for sobriety. I have to remind myself that I will have days where I feel strong, others not so. During those strong times, and especially during those not so strong times, we're here to support you.
--mike
--mike
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: MD
Posts: 64
Hi everyone,
Thank you so much for your responses. I have been reading these replies but have not had time to post. I am working two jobs right now and it is hectic. I quit the escort job and now I have my new business and another job. I could not do the escorting without drinking so now I have a finance problem but guess what? I am not drinking!!
It is so weird that this is one of the only places in the world I can tell all of you exactly how it is and you are all so understanding and non judgemental...thank you. I am so happy to have found this wonderful place where I can be myself and be accepted.
FYI, the new business is doing well but not making much of a profit yet. Sobriety is the best thing in my life right now, I am really making it! I am learning so much in AA, I go to a meeting every day.
Thank you all for your support, acceptance, and understanding. I am so glad to be here...31 days today and feeling better than I was the other night when I posted. Thank you. xoxo
BA
Thank you so much for your responses. I have been reading these replies but have not had time to post. I am working two jobs right now and it is hectic. I quit the escort job and now I have my new business and another job. I could not do the escorting without drinking so now I have a finance problem but guess what? I am not drinking!!
It is so weird that this is one of the only places in the world I can tell all of you exactly how it is and you are all so understanding and non judgemental...thank you. I am so happy to have found this wonderful place where I can be myself and be accepted.
FYI, the new business is doing well but not making much of a profit yet. Sobriety is the best thing in my life right now, I am really making it! I am learning so much in AA, I go to a meeting every day.
Thank you all for your support, acceptance, and understanding. I am so glad to be here...31 days today and feeling better than I was the other night when I posted. Thank you. xoxo
BA
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Hi BA,
Congratulations on 32 days, today! I think we should sell tickets to sobriety at 30 days.
"Step right up folks,
ride the emotional ride,
up and down, loop d' loop.
All riders will win a prize"
The ride is wild, but the prize is cool! You learn new coping skills and gain the knowledge that you can handle life's challenges sober! Day by day, moment by moment!
You are doing great!
:ghug
Congratulations on 32 days, today! I think we should sell tickets to sobriety at 30 days.
"Step right up folks,
ride the emotional ride,
up and down, loop d' loop.
All riders will win a prize"
The ride is wild, but the prize is cool! You learn new coping skills and gain the knowledge that you can handle life's challenges sober! Day by day, moment by moment!
You are doing great!
:ghug
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