Highs and lows
Hello Everyone,
I am 29 days into recovery. For 27 days I was feeling great, on top of the world, I'll even say spectacular!
For the past two days I have been feeling bad but afraid to tell anyone. My new AA friends seem so excited about how great I have been doing/feeling, I don't want to disappoint them or let them know I have not been feeling well. They are my biggest cheerleaders.
I am feeling not very excited about my new life all of a sudden, I think I actually MISS my old ways, my comfort with the known. This is all so new for me, I am so out of my comfort zone on so many levels.
Suddenly, I have been craving a drink like crazy (one day at a time has been working), and I have had an urge to hang out with my old "friends" in my same old bad places. I am thinking "this too shall pass", and maybe this is a part of recovery? I am so afraid this is a sign that I have not hit bottom or that I am not ready yet. Tonight I am not having a drink because right now, this minute I want to be sober more than I want to drink. I am taking day by day and right now minute by minute.
I am afraid that it is going to get worse if I don't do something, change something, etc. I want to better my life but my old life suddenly seems so comfortable. Crazy but true. I am craving familiarity I think more than alcohol but everything seems so mixed up right now.
Is this a part of recovery and how long will it last? Am I not ready for recovery?? I am terrified of this thought. Please advise.
Thank you,
BA