Anna

I drank alone too, at home, never in public. But, I still didn't hide my alcoholism as much as I thought I did.

Coffeeboy, what worked for me in the very early days, was changing routines. So, if your normally start drinking at 6 PM, don't be home at that time today. Go out for a long walk, go to a movie, visit a friend. Do anything that is different from what you normally do. It really helped me.

four812

i drank alone and in social settings....but i never considered myself a social drinker. i always said that "i drink to get drunk"....i couldn't understand why a person would drink and not WANT to get drunk. it made no sense to me

that was a long time ago...gosh 20 years as i think about it. i have not thought about these thoughts for a long time

keep up the good work

coffeeboy

OK, I will probably sound so cliche. I have failed. I am not happy about it and won't post again until I am feeling positive about things. I had beer in the fridge, and about 9 ounces of whiskey left. I have drank my last two beers, and I am now going to drink the last of my whiskey. I know, I know, you all are going to get down on me, and I probably do deserve it. I am NOT going to purchase any more! I won't, it won't be around, and I won't be tempted. My kids are not home, my wife is working late, and I had all of this around me (to me this is not that much). On top of all of that it is FRIDAY! At this point I am going to make the famous saying of tomorrow!..... But I really really think I can do that. I will not go to the store and purchase anymore, I can do that. I can't have a stash, I know some have done that, but I can't. If it is here, I will drink it, period. I promise you all that I will not purchase tomorrow, I feel very very confident about that. Now that I have found you all, I feel like I am letting people down, but I have been letting people down, like my family for longer. As I said before, I am not anouncing the fact I am quitingto my family (should I?). I am afraid to read the posts, so I probably won't log on until tomorrow morning. This is my comitment: I WILL NOT PURCHASE ANY MORE, I JUST WON'T. If I don't, I won't have it around to drink. Ok.... I am rambling, I will leave.... I am sorry.

I know that you don't want failures posted here, and this is the last one I will post. If I fail again, I will not post it, that would not be helpful to anyone. I will do my best to succeed, and post that here. I hope you here from me. because tonight is gone. Thanks for caring. I will be back when I have a positive post.
Thanks

Pelican

I feel better! Do you?

You can post your positive and negative here. We learn from our mistakes and we are encouraged by each others accomplishments. Guess today was not your day.

Try to make a plan in the morning to get you past the bewitching hour of that first beer. There are some good ideas already posted here.
Oh, one more.....

All Good
See you Saturday!

Pelican

Good Morning Coffeeboy!

Your quote above is a red flag that every cell in your body is addicted to alcohol. Your body depends on alcohol to function "normally". I had to wrap my head mentally around what was physically happening in my body to get myself motivated to quit drinking. I am going to post (try) the link to excerpts from the book "Under The Influence" that were thoughtfully posted here by members.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

Please read everything you can to understand what is happening and what your obstacles will be in your recovery from alcohol. Good Luck and keep us posted on your progress.

Horselover

I am reading this book Pelican and it really does explain a lot. I hope you find a way Coffeeboy. The 24 hour method didn't work for you. Have you even considered an AA meeting or some sort of face to face meeting? They might be your road to recovery. I hope you'll keep trying and posting. :ghug3

coffeeboy

Good Morning!
I am committed to not purchasing today, I am sure I can do that. It was the fact it was there, no one was home, and it was way to easy to justify. Tonight, I won't have it available in the house, because I know all to well if I have it, I will drink it. I am not trying to fool myself, I know I will be bored and wish I had a drink tonight, I am expecting that. But I know that I can go without purchasing it. I am much stronger if the temptation is not within reach.

I am not ready to admit that I need outside help like AA. If I keep failing at this, that will be different.

I have my mind set.........

Horselover

Sounds good to me Coffeeboy. I know I wouldn't have resisted in the beginning if I had wine in the house. Can you do something different tonight? What if you went out with your wife and caught a movie or something? Don't be bored. There's no reason to it. You are now free to venture outside of the home at night.

Pelican

No need to apologize for slipping or being honest about it. That's one of the great things about SR. It is for people seeking sobriety on a consistant basis. Day after day, moment after moment.

Your first step sounds great, remove temptation from your reach. No alcohol in the house. If you go to town today, don't take credit cards or extra cash that allows you to buy alcohol. Might help.

Some SR advice that helped me in the first days was to watch movies. I did not get it until I tried it. It worked.

See, I'm a functional drunk. I go all day long and function well. Then I would start drinking at happy hour and drink myself to sleep. I quit socializing and stayed at home to drink in the evenings. I usually sat in front of the tv or computer while drinking. I didn't realize until I was sober that watching tv meant I was getting refills on preferred beverages during commercial breaks. There are a lot of commercials!

So when I committed to one day at a time of sobriety, I tried the movie idea. I made myself a non-alcoholic beverage (tea or water) and turned on the movie. Since there were no commercials, I did not jump up for frequent refills. I watched an entire movie sober and was able to remember the ending the next day.

This is why we were encouraging you to make a plan for how you will stay sober. Plan one day at a time.

Oh yeah, I don't do AA. There are other options. I'm on day 54 sober.

Keep us posted on your progress. You can do this!

Horselover

I don't do AA either, but I know it works for some and it is an option. Lots of options!

rurdy2rk

Hi Coffeboy,

I am praying for you on this. Please keep us up to date on how you are doing. The great thing is you are NOT alone on this. We have all had similar experiences, and can relate. (That hurt when your son said "you are drunk - didn't it?. I never thought family members know, then all of a sudden I would start getting alot more comments like that..) Please consider just concentrating on not drinking today. After you succeed at that, you can worry about tomorrow (because it will again be "today". I know it sounds "stupid", but so far I have not drank for 106 "todays". If I look at the big picture, my mind starts fooling me into thinking "maybe I can drink, maybe one last time, etc.).

I'm not going to lie - the first week was rough for me. But I made it, and things are slowly getting better. You also have to realize that life is not going to just turn around and be great. You will still have your ups and downs, and learn how to deal with them in your own way. Lastly, it's been suggested you try an AA meeting. I also suggest that as it has helped me. I know it's very rough going the first time, but you may be pleasantly surprised. You can just sit in the back if you want, and observe.

In closing I want to tell you one more thing - I am just like you. I could still slip any day and am not "cured". I have just found a way to deal with my drinking a day at a time...

Regards,

Tom

coffeeboy

Thanks for the support. I had another comment last night, my wife said "you are slurring your words". I fit the functional drunk description also. I am fine all day long, don't even crave it, then I go home and start up. I will give this some real thought today. I know I won't purchase, so I know I won't be drinking. Did anyone tell the rest of their family, or anyone else when you first quit? I have not done that. THANKS! to all of you!

rurdy2rk

Coffeeboy, beleive it or not, I've had the slurring incedent as well, as well as being told no more drinks from the bartender of a bar,(I just went to another bar anyway), etc. It's progressive, and you don't even realize it. When I got my DUI over 3 years ago, I honestly thought I would pass the breathalizer. I felt fine, even stopped drinking 2 to 3 hours before I drove, and my sober wife was with me. I did NOT feel drunk, and was funtioning "fine". I had driven MUCH worse than that night... Morale of the story is I blew a .172. And I thought I was sober... Just something to think about.

As far as telling family, I did not tell anyone until 30 days sober. While I had every intention of staying sober, I had fooled myself many times before. I did not want to give them false hope, then they be hurt. Now obviously my wife noticed I was not drinking, so I told her I was trying. I know I am rambling on, but when I told my father, he could not understand. He said he never saw me drunk - if he only knew.....

Horselover

Hi Coffeeboy - I just had this discussion with a dear friend here on SR. My husband knew. It was imperative I do something yesterday. I told my Mom right off because she lives near me and we would socialize with wine often. I even came clean with my 5 year told and believe me if I started up again I can't imagine the disappointment he would endure. I know A LOT of people say you can only stop for yourself and not your family. I disagree in part. I definitely stopped for myself, but husband and son were a huge factor in that decision.

I will be visiting my Dad and Stepmom and my inlaws next week. They always offer me wine. I have, in the course of conversation, told them I don't drink anymore. I really laid it out there without directly saying, "I am an alcoholic." I am not ashamed of the fact, but they wouldn't understand that term.

I tell people I don't drink because I don't have a lot of willpower and so I feel I slay the beast before it enters through the door, so to speak. Not everyone and probably most, do not tell right away. If people don't know you are giving it up then you can relapse without repercussions. I want the repercussions. That's me Coffeeboy - in a nutshell.

Interested in what others have to say about this.

Oh and the slurring thing. I was doing that often towards the end. Husband was getting really scared for me when he heard that and I have to say if it were him slurring I would have been nervous too.

flutter

That's what I thought too... being drunk and able to say I wasn't to someone who had a clear head and non-dulled senses of sight, smell.... I was never hiding it as well as I convinced myself. You may not be..

Sorry to hear you drank again. I don't think anyone will "get on you", it's your choice to drink, we're here for support, not judgement. Hope to see you around today

rurdy2rk

When you get what you want in your struggle for self
And the world makes you king for a day,
Go to the mirror and look at yourself,
And see what that man has to say.
For it isn't your mother, or brother or wife
Who's judgement upon you must pass,
The fellow who's verdict counts most in your life
Is the one staring back from the glass.
Some people may call you a straight-shooting chum,
And think you're a heck of a guy,
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum,
If you can't look him straight in the eye.
He's the fellow to please never mind all the rest,
For he's with you clear up to the end,
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the man in the glass is your friend.
You may fool the whole world down a pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
If you've cheated the man in the glass.

Author Unknown

flutter

For me, I didn't have the option to 'tell' my family, they (my husband, parents) called 911, and I checked in to the ER with a .5+ BAC. 3 months prior, your story was mine. Now my sobriety is expected and monitored by them. It's hard at this point because there's a blurry line between doing it for 'them' and doing it for me.

I'm doing it for me..

As for AA, I had a lot of reservations (still do), but when I go, and listen to people tell of their successes, failures, strength, motivation.. and LOVE for each other, I consider myself blessed to have shared time with everyone there. Also, to me, it's a heck of a lot better place to be for an hour than most other places I'm usually at! (home.. where I drank, out.. where I drank..).

Ok blabbing now, sorry LOL.

coffeeboy

It is real tough right now, this very minute. The liquor store closes here in about 25 minutes. I think I will be able to skip it. I am really tired. I am not telling anyone yet. I didn't know I was this hooked. I am really trying not to go out and buy something. Of course beer is available 24 hours!

Pelican

Hey CB,

I hope you made it tonight. I have had several false starts with sobriety. Almost 2 years ago I quit drinking vodka on a regular basis. I still had a few coctails with vodka but not daily. Tequila, whiskey, wine and beer were the last to go. My husband noticed the times I would try to quit. He has not been supportive. He drinks.

This time is different for me. I finally got my head and heart in agreement that I can not handle alcohol, ever. I told my children on my 4th day sober. They know I am now on day 54. My children are very supportive (ages 12-20).

The catalyst for my stopping was this: Someone I know (same age and gender) was admitted to the hospital with chirosis of the liver and other complications. This person had been diagnosed with chirosis years ago and had gotten sober, until the past year. When liver damage reaches the chirotic stage, it doesn't matter how long you are sober. If you take another drink, it is like fast forwarding in time as if you never skipped a beat.

My friends who still drink always tell me that I don't drink that much, that I don't have anything to worry about. I know how much I was drinking. It was time to stop.

What ever your motivation is for stopping, you will like the person you become when you become sober. You can do this!

coffeeboy

Pelican, I did make it. It wasn't fun however. But it wasn't hell. BUT last night I was already thinking about purchasing today. My wife is not real supportive when I tried last time. She will always tell me when I have "had too much" or "I'm scared for you" but then when, I have worked hard on something and say "I think I deserve a drink tonight" she says "I think you do too". My past experience says that my second day is usually easier, so I hope today goes well, I hope I don't give in. We will see. THANKS!!!!!!!!!!