coffeeboy

I have not posted much, probably because I am still drinking. I quit for two days, and then had a very busy weekend and felt like I "deserved" a drink or two. So now I started again. I have quit a couple times on my own. Usually if I make it one day, I can go several. I may try again tonight. One problem I have is severe RLS when I quit drinking. I am taking clonazepam for it. I don't experience it when I drink, but wow! if I go to bed sober I cannot even sleep it gets so bad! Also, if I don't drink, all I want to do is go to bed. If I have a few drinks I stay up and talk to my family. The only bad thing for me about drinking are the hangovers. So I need motivation to quit, and I don't have any good reasons. As others have told me, I would not be here if I didn't really know I should quit, but how do you get motivated to quit when you feel better (except for bad hangovers) when you drink?

Vintersemestre

I promise you that once you've quit for at least 30 days you will feel ever so slightly better and it will get better from there, but you will have dips that go very far down. The idea is to stay mindful. "This is harming me. I don't need this to live." You can stop drinking, but no one around here is going to lie to you, it's not going to be easy and it's going to hurt. Alot.

Incidentally, I'm also taking Clonazepam which was originally prescribed for RLS when I kicked opiates but is now being prescribed for anxiety. I try to only take it when I absolutely need to (which isn't often these days).

Dean62

Is it ok with your family that you only stay up and talk to them when you are drunk? I'm not trying to be mean, just pointing out an obvious problem. We hurt our loved ones more then anyone else with our drinking. Maybe that will give you something to think about for motivation?

Anna

Hi Coffeeboy,

RLS is a problem for me too. I think, once you get through any withdrawls, that the RLS might ease up considerably. It did for me, though it's still a problem at times. There is specific medication for RLS now, which you could ask your dr about, if you're interested. I don't use it, but I have an aunt who uses it and says it works well.

tennis71

Answer these two questions honestly to yourself -
1. Do I want to quit drinking?
2. Why do I want to quit drinking?
Your motivation has to come from within.

Thanks for your post.

Hilltopper1972

Tennis is right. Do you want to quit? Or you just know you have a problem and realize that is a good idea to quit. Huge difference. I suggest you get past that stage like now, and write down all the reasons why it has to come to an end. Even though we beat this one day at a time, or one hour at at time if need be, we still need to come to the finality of the situation.

rurdy2rk

Not trying to be sarcastic or mean, but "Yes you can". If you truly want to quit, be honest with yourself, and start working the steps. There is no magical formula, except the desire to stop drinking. In my experience, I could not do it on my own.

Pinkcuda

Could it be as simple as the fact that when you're drinking your numb to any issues in your life and when you're sober they keep you awake?
I don't know about your drinking habits but I had the same thing when I wasn't drinking.
Those Four Horsemen (Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration and despair) were galloping from bedpost to bedpost keeping me up all night. It took me a while to figure out why I wasn't sleeping.
It's not a medical issue. It's a spiritual issue that you have the power to fix.

rurdy2rk

It was explained to me that religion and sprituality are 2 seperate things. Religion is for those who are afraid to go to Hell. Those in a spiritual program have already been there, and don't want to go back.. You can work this program using your own definition of God or higher power, you do not have to be religious.

coffeeboy

WOW! Very inciteful people here. I must come here more. Ok... this is the only place I have ever been honest with this EVER. I do know I have a problem, I do realize this can't be healthy (that scares me the most). Yes my family knows, they don't talk about it much, but now and then my wife will mention it. I am getting very good at hiding it. At first I didn't think that was a sign, since "I am just hiding it from my wife, who is overreacting". It is somewhere in between, she does over react, but I know I am drinking more than I ever have, and it continues to increase. I have to get in the right frame of mind. I think I will try to read positive posts here, that may help. Thank you all so much for actually caring, and actually understanding. Thanks

Dean62

Coffeeboy I do apologize for offending you. It wasn't my intention but I understand how it sounded. Like I said I wasn't trying to be mean. I was responding to your statement that the only bad thing for you are the hangovers. I was pointing out there is more bad stuff going on because hangovers aren't really much of a reason to give up drinking. I drank progressively worse for over thirty years so I do understand and empathize. I'm an alcoholic in early recover with a family of my own and I put them through a lot with my drinking.

It has been important for me in early sobriety to have people who care and support me with kindness and understanding. It has been equally helpful for me to have people who care enough to be honest.

No offense intended.

coffeeboy

Dean, I was not offended in the least bit. I think if one posts in this site you should expect some honest replies like yours and one has to be ready for tough advice. I absolutely was never offended, but thanks for caring. It is morning now, and I must leave for work. Last night I got into an argument with my 24 year old son who is living at home to help us with our business. He is great. I don't remember what the argument was, didn't last long because I went to bed. I do remember him saying "your drunk". I am really going to put an effort into quitting today, that is what it took. Send positive thoughts my way, for this will be my first serious attempt at this.

Horselover

What's your plan for when the cravings hit coffeeboy? You said this is your first serious attempt and that's great, but if you don't plan for the time today when your cravings hit . . .?

I have read all your posts and have seen - hangovers, family worried about your drinking, hiding the fact, and now black outs. You definitely have enough reasons to stop.

You CAN stop, but you have to want it pretty damn bad. Change your pattern tonight so you don't fall into the trap of picking up that first one and definitely come to SR and post. If you feel you are going to drink come and ask for help from here first. Promise yourself you will not for the next 24 hours drink. I know you can do that. Hugs and best wishes to you. Hope to hear more from you on your thoughts of this and am SO glad you are on SR to share with us.

coffeeboy

I guess I don't have a plan besides pure will power. When I have managed to not drink in the past, all I could think to do was go to bed. I am open to any suggestions.

I know I have told myself I was quitting in the morning, and by evening I quickly change my mind. But I am really getting myself determined today. Thanks!

DAY 1

Horselover

Oh - I have totally been there with the determination in the morning, but then evening sets in and I buy that bottle and it starts again.

So let's see. I can tell you what worked for me and that's about it, but you will have to decide what will work for you.

I was an everyday drinker from 4 pm until bedtime. I would start up while I was getting dinner started and so I got dinner ready earlier in the day and then just threw it all together quickly at the end of the day. I would find some place to be other then the kitchen during the 4 pm magic hour. I would go walk to the mailbox down the road, go outside with my son and kick the ball around, take him to the library or just go to the computer and read SR for awhile. I totally white knuckled it for the first week and then found a pattern that worked for me.

A lot of people do AA and that's great too. I didn't because of my son and the fact I had to drive an hour one way. I have kept this option open to myself if I start to think or plan on the relapsing. I read a lot of books and that's a way to pass the time.

I have fruit juices in the fridge and like to have a big variety of them. I mix them with some diet 7 up. I like to plan on drinks in the fridge so I can just grab and go when I need to. I drink like a ton of iced water, but my favorite is grape flavored crystal light. Don't tell anyone.

Determination is great Coffeboy and its nice to see, but willpower is so ineffective for me when it comes to drinking. I had lots and lots of willpower in the beginning of the day, but it gradually slipped away as the day went on. I am sure others will have suggestions for you too.

krati

It's Wierd How Strangely Alcoholism And Narcotic Addiction Are So Closely The Same

When I Was Younger I Did My Binges And Battled Alcohol Forever....never Though I Could Quit...until I Found Pills....they Are The Devil..no Need For Alcohol Onpills...but Believe Me...trying To Comeoff Pills Is Like Having Themeasles, Mumps, Flu, On Your Death Bed X100 For Weeks!

Alcohol Is A Mental And Social Disorder I Think....most Ppl Drink For Social Reasons, Then It Leads To Hangovers Which Gives You The Dt's Then You Need A Drink To Cure That And Then That Leads To A Binge Where You Want To Kill Yourself But Don't Remember Half The Crap You Do...

Having Said That...i Think Alcoholhas Done Worse Things To My Famly, Friends, And Work Then Pills...but Pills Have Damaged Me More In The Long Run

I Don't Know Why I Am Posting This

Horselover

Can't agree with you on the social disorder with alcoholism. I drank alone all the time. I never let myself drink in public because of the fear of not knowing what would happen. A lot of alcoholics drink alone. I do believe it is a physical disorder, but why argue this? I don't know anything about NA and wouldn't try to venture there. I do know alcoholism is a disease, but there are many ways to recovery.

Missymae737

Hi,

I think you already know this...Alcoholism is a disease of progression and the harmful behaviors of drinking only get worse...Also, active alcholism ravages the body, and eventually death will occur.

I had to ask myself, "Do I want to live or die?" It is that simple...I have a lot to live for and I am sure you do too...

Keep posting, and never give up the will to fight your addiction.

Thinking of you...

coffeeboy

I was a social drinker in my younger days, but it changed and I was like horselover, I drank alone, or at least at home. I got to the point I didn't want to drink socially, in fact I have become very unsocial in the last few years. Like horselover, I didn't start until a magic hour. For me it had to be after 6:00PM and then I could start. I just drink until I am ready for bed. I guess I shouldn't talk in the past tense, since I have not yet gone through the day.

Horselover

Nah - talk in the past tense. I like that. :bounce