getr345

Day 17.

Started off annoying because I was pulled over by a State Trooper on my way back the house from Starbucks. My inspection sticker is expired by a few weeks. He gave me a warning but I did not appreciate even that temporary (5 minutes?) limitation of my freedoms.

Last night the wife & I watched a special episode Intervention on TV, the episode focused on updates from people who had been on the show in the past. It was strange watching it with her, I felt different about myself, how I think about myself, and what I have in common with many of the people on the show. The wife watched but made no mention of my situation, drew no parallels, and otherwise did not mention my situation at all.

I feel very alone in what I'm doing.

Ananda

gert...I have had similar type expereinces to what you described....just remember, you are not alone...and the process takes time. My family had a lot of healing to do as well.

In some ways we do walk this path alone, but at the same time we are not alone cause we have each other.....its strange that both are true...

You are doing great!

getr345

I understand that she is scared to think of her husband as someone who needs help, or as someone who has lost control in some way, or as an alcoholic. Hell, it's scary for me, and I'm still not really sure how I feel about it, and how I would categorize myself now or in the drinking years. Labels have never really been my things, for now, I categorize myself as someone who drank way too much and needed to stop.

As someone who has found a way to do this and needs support to keep it going and respect for doing it in the first place.

rubyslippers

It might be a little off the subject but I'm in the same place you are, Hilltopper. I'm thinking I might be able to hold down a little food today, though. Thanks for sharing.

getr345

Another random excerpt from my story...

In 1996, while in the service, I was deployed to the Middle East (Egypt) for a year long deployment. Being 12 months in the desert with very little to do beyond your job is very boring and lonely, and there was no shortage of booze on this deployment. In fact, it was a multi-national deployment so every contingent had their own bar on base. So I would generally drink every night, 7 days a week, sometimes in my room by myself, sometimes in the bars. The British bar was the best IMO because they all talked about pints and boxing. That's all there was to do (drink), and that's all anyone did. One night I got so hammered in my room, (drank a whole bottle of gin) when my roommate came home, I had already puked all over the room and was laughing at him while he came in the door to find me lying in my own puke. Good thing we were friends, huh? 10 years later I was the best man in his wedding.

getr345

Thanks for the kind words.

Got a little closer last night to my wife getting it. Talked it out some more with her last night. Tried to be as genuine and as from the heart as possible and I think she understands more now than when I told her. She asked if I ever considered moderation and I explained to her that I didn't and why I didn't. I asked her if she was sad that she was in effect losing her drinking buddy and she pretty much said yes. She said she was sad we would never again share a bottle of wine, etc. I tried to explain to her that she's not really losing a drinking buddy as much as gaining a happy healthy husband that she can be proud of. She also told me she is not sure how to feel about drinking around me and thinks I'll be a judgmental jerk if I see her drinking. I told her I'm OK with her drinking like a normal person, and that I'm trying to be as unobtrusive as possible in this. I really tried to make her understand how much I was suffering, how much I love her, and how much better life will be.

Our wedding anniversary is coming up and I told her that my greatest gift to her (to us) will be my sobriety.

This is Day 19.

Pelican

Good for you!

Congratulations on your sobriety and your upcoming anniversary!

getr345

When I got home today, I noticed my wife had moved that Coors 12 pack from the fridge to the basement. I think she did that sometime last night after we talked for awhile. I guess it was just taking up space in the fridge if nobody is gonna drink them.

Mattcake

Quite subtle Might as well put that space to better use. Congrats on your progress

Vintersemestre

Dayyyyy 60

getr345

For you?

That's awesome!!

Vintersemestre

Yep, still don't feel right, but I don't care anymore. I'm not letting this control me.

getr345

This is Day 21.

Three weeks.

I have been terribly sick the past two days and today. FLU-like symptoms. Yucky. AS bad as I feel, it almost seems like a delayed-action withdrawal, like my body waited this long to throw a tantrum over this whole no more drinking thing. Either way, it sucks to be feeling so sick.

Butterflywings

GetR345, I totally can relate. Sometimes alcoholics get a delayed reaction. Just think of what we were doing to our brains and bodies. Way to go on your progress.. Keep it simple.. Love to you..:ghug3

least

congratulations on 21 days! Keep moving forward, for yourself, one day at a time!

:ghug3

Butterflywings

least, I love the danger sign.. As well as the caption under it!!

getr345

I was watching the new Celebrity Rehab w/ Drew Pinsky and he said something about Gary Bucey that made me think. He said that Gary Bucey only thinks he has sobriety because although he quit drinking and doing coke like 13 years ago, he still admits to smoking pot occasionally. It made me wonder if I'm really just fooling myself. Even though I quit drinking 22 days ago, I have smoked pot several times in those 22 days, and according to Dr. Drew's logic, I really have no sobriety time at all because of that. Just not sure how I feel about that because from where I stand, pot was never a problem for me the way booze was.

I'd welcome any feedback or thought on this.

Pelican

I'm glad you quit drinking 22 days ago! You have made real progress and been a source of encouragement to others.

Pot? Not for me anymore. I tried switching from vodka to pot (was only a recreational user previously). I couldn't cope with feeling like I was trying to find a substitute for alcohol. So no more pot for me. It took longer to give up the others, cigarettes, wine, beer, etc....

For me, I realized that I was looking for "something" to help me escape from some very real issues. I feel better about myself and my future without stimulates (except caffeine) to get me through my day. That way I know my decisions were made without influence. No regrets.

getr345

Pot doesn't feel like a substitute for booze to me. It's something that's been in my life for a while. For sure, I don't see myself smoking it forever but when I compare it to booze, I don't feel the need to force myself to stop now and forever. It just doesn't pack the negative punch of alcohol. But can I really consider myself "sober" and take pride in that "sobriety" if I continue to remain addicted to nicotine, and smoke a doobie every now and again?

littlefish

Well, I'm no expert but I wouldn't worry about the cigarettes at all. They don't alter your mind and millions of recovered alcoholics would be very unhappy if they had to quit smoking!
I would concentrate on staying sober first. But, I suspect that if you went to for example an AA or a NA or a CA meeting, they would ask you not to attend a meeting after smoking pot.
Why don't you try going to an AA meeting and try to find a sponsor? I really don't have an answer about pot, but I do know that it is illegal and you can get arrested for smoking pot and driving!