This Is Day 3 Of My Recovery
Just heat em up for awhile...that ought to skunk em up faster..throw em back in the fridge and wait for your first victim! If they say anything you can always respond, "Yeah, light beer just doesn't taste the same!". Oooooh, I'm bad.
I'm eagerly looking forward to the results.
Can you approach your wife with the suggestion that this is a real struggle for you- and make a request for at least a temporary alcohol free household? Like 3 months? She can go drink at a bar or something if she really needs to, with friends... Is there any chance she'd join you on this endeavor? You need support.
I had a friend who didn't believe I had a drinking problem until we dated briefly. Even after that, he thought it was okay to have a few when we were just hanging out- So I had to tell him "Absolutely NO drinking around me"... Because I knew I couldn't resist the offer. I know it's more complicated because you're married but do you think she would be open to it?
Any chance the beer's still untouched because maybe she doesn't want to drink around you?
I had a friend who didn't believe I had a drinking problem until we dated briefly. Even after that, he thought it was okay to have a few when we were just hanging out- So I had to tell him "Absolutely NO drinking around me"... Because I knew I couldn't resist the offer. I know it's more complicated because you're married but do you think she would be open to it?
Any chance the beer's still untouched because maybe she doesn't want to drink around you?
So, I did.
This is Day 12.
hi get,
i just read through your entire thread...it was wonderful reading of your struggles and triumphs for the last 12 days or so. great job
thanks for all of your sharing....i'm working on DAY 3 today and you gave me a little something to keep on.
i just read through your entire thread...it was wonderful reading of your struggles and triumphs for the last 12 days or so. great job
thanks for all of your sharing....i'm working on DAY 3 today and you gave me a little something to keep on.
This place really has been like a journal with feedback, and that's what I needed.
I'm glad I found this place. Thanks again.
Thinking about this all from my wife's perspective, and trying to put her reaction into context, here is what I have come up with....
She stated that she did not notice how much I was drinking or how negatively it was affecting me. I am partly to blame for this because I worked hard to make it seem like it wasn't a problem, and I demonstrated an uncanny ability to drink and drink and drink and not turn into a catatonic A-hole w/legal troubles and penchant for kicking out side-view mirrors on cars. Furthermore I never confided in her the feelings I was having about it.
She sees her brother as the obvious example of what a problem drinker looks like and behaves like. Compared to him and concerned for him, I can see how she might not have noticed what was going on with me.
This all came "out of the blue" to her, like one day I decided all by myself that I was having a problem and then just quit drinking, but never discussed it in the past with her.
And finally, she must think, "How much of a problem could he really have if I didn't even think he had one and then one day he just quit drinking and never looked back?" My present and future success with this might seem to her like I must have really never had a problem if I made quitting look that easy, particularly in the light of her brothers ongoing and very problematic alcoholism.
She stated that she did not notice how much I was drinking or how negatively it was affecting me. I am partly to blame for this because I worked hard to make it seem like it wasn't a problem, and I demonstrated an uncanny ability to drink and drink and drink and not turn into a catatonic A-hole w/legal troubles and penchant for kicking out side-view mirrors on cars. Furthermore I never confided in her the feelings I was having about it.
She sees her brother as the obvious example of what a problem drinker looks like and behaves like. Compared to him and concerned for him, I can see how she might not have noticed what was going on with me.
This all came "out of the blue" to her, like one day I decided all by myself that I was having a problem and then just quit drinking, but never discussed it in the past with her.
And finally, she must think, "How much of a problem could he really have if I didn't even think he had one and then one day he just quit drinking and never looked back?" My present and future success with this might seem to her like I must have really never had a problem if I made quitting look that easy, particularly in the light of her brothers ongoing and very problematic alcoholism.
Wanna know how bad her brother can get? How's this...
On our wedding night, he of course got blasted. We all did but nobody did what he did. He proceeded to finger bang one of the more promiscuous bridesmaids at the after party in our suite on the bridal bed in front of everyone (most people were so stunned, trying to act like they didn't see it) while his actual girlfriend (a nice girl) was sleeping in a room upstairs, then when he finally passed out in the room next door where my best man was sleeping, he awoke in the middle of the night and took a massive crap all over the floor in the closet which I had to clean up, and of course, he playfully denies it to this day and acts like it's a big joke.
If he ever gets to AA, somebody needs to tell him he owes me and my wife (his sister) an apology for that.
On our wedding night, he of course got blasted. We all did but nobody did what he did. He proceeded to finger bang one of the more promiscuous bridesmaids at the after party in our suite on the bridal bed in front of everyone (most people were so stunned, trying to act like they didn't see it) while his actual girlfriend (a nice girl) was sleeping in a room upstairs, then when he finally passed out in the room next door where my best man was sleeping, he awoke in the middle of the night and took a massive crap all over the floor in the closet which I had to clean up, and of course, he playfully denies it to this day and acts like it's a big joke.
If he ever gets to AA, somebody needs to tell him he owes me and my wife (his sister) an apology for that.
UUmmm... I'm speechless. That's some seriously f***ed up action. Sorry... Well you're obviously alot more self aware and insightful- a good sign your grey matter's still pretty intact, so way to go for you for not being that guy! And day 12, COOL! I'm on day 11. I thought I was on day 12 but I was mistaken.
Well, my "news" is old news around here awfully quick.
As often happens just in time to trump anything going on in my life, my wife is having her latest life or death struggle with some people at her job and comes home today in tears telling this horror story about what happened, making multiple calls to tell multiple people what happened, including a lawyer. I'll now hear the same stressful woe-is-me story over and over again for weeks, all the while struggling with my own demons and getting no support or understanding from the one person I had the courage to confide in. Actually, I'll be the one who now has to do the understanding and the supporting. It's now all about her again (as usual) and my situation isn't even a topic of discussion. I love my wife but really resent this...
As often happens just in time to trump anything going on in my life, my wife is having her latest life or death struggle with some people at her job and comes home today in tears telling this horror story about what happened, making multiple calls to tell multiple people what happened, including a lawyer. I'll now hear the same stressful woe-is-me story over and over again for weeks, all the while struggling with my own demons and getting no support or understanding from the one person I had the courage to confide in. Actually, I'll be the one who now has to do the understanding and the supporting. It's now all about her again (as usual) and my situation isn't even a topic of discussion. I love my wife but really resent this...
Amidst all this stress and uncertainty in my life right now and in the life of my wife, I'm still doing good, not drinking. This is Day 13, lucky 13 right? Friday night, the weekend...
I thought I might try to break the nicotine addiction today by not buying new patches and just gritting my teeth about it but that didn't happen. Bought them, slapped one on, and now have a two week stash of them. I gotta tell ya, nicotine has a much stronger hold on me from a pure addiction standpoint than booze ever did. Certainly, the booze was killing me and messing up my life way worse, but in the pat 13 days, I have not really felt that hopeless irritable withdrawal feeling I get when without nicotine...
I'm afraid that without nicotine, I might drink....
I thought I might try to break the nicotine addiction today by not buying new patches and just gritting my teeth about it but that didn't happen. Bought them, slapped one on, and now have a two week stash of them. I gotta tell ya, nicotine has a much stronger hold on me from a pure addiction standpoint than booze ever did. Certainly, the booze was killing me and messing up my life way worse, but in the pat 13 days, I have not really felt that hopeless irritable withdrawal feeling I get when without nicotine...
I'm afraid that without nicotine, I might drink....
Then keep the patch!!!
Hi there!
I just read your thread and I am so happy to get to the end and you are still sober! I was looking at your post before last and it got me to thinking about my sobriety. I have been sober a little over 5 months. My drinking was a HUGE problem but my husband is not a drinker so when I quit, it got to "old news" fairly quickly. BUT I attend AA, got a sponsor, some commitments and am working the steps. My husband does not "get" my struggles and the enormity of the fact that I have not had a drink in 5 months! BUT, ya know what? All my friends in recovery do so I have no resentments or issue with his ignorance on this subject. It took a while but he does understand how important my support system is to me and when I get in a particularly bad place he does suggest I call my sponsor, lol.
The interesting thing is that in the last week, his "issues" are starting to become apparent and has agreed to see a therapist. It is funny because it was always me that had a problem and I guess the focus was on me most of the time. I was a very functional alcoholic, so it is not that the focus was on my problem but rather I never called him on much cause then my drinking might come up. Now that we are five months down the road and I continue to grow and find happiness, he is starting to look at himself. Sorry for rambling, lol. But recovery is an interesting journey!
So, my point in all of this was, have you considered finding a f2f recovery support group other than your wife? There are LOTS of people with similar stories out there if you want the support.
Congrats on Day 13!!!!!
Hi there!
I just read your thread and I am so happy to get to the end and you are still sober! I was looking at your post before last and it got me to thinking about my sobriety. I have been sober a little over 5 months. My drinking was a HUGE problem but my husband is not a drinker so when I quit, it got to "old news" fairly quickly. BUT I attend AA, got a sponsor, some commitments and am working the steps. My husband does not "get" my struggles and the enormity of the fact that I have not had a drink in 5 months! BUT, ya know what? All my friends in recovery do so I have no resentments or issue with his ignorance on this subject. It took a while but he does understand how important my support system is to me and when I get in a particularly bad place he does suggest I call my sponsor, lol.
The interesting thing is that in the last week, his "issues" are starting to become apparent and has agreed to see a therapist. It is funny because it was always me that had a problem and I guess the focus was on me most of the time. I was a very functional alcoholic, so it is not that the focus was on my problem but rather I never called him on much cause then my drinking might come up. Now that we are five months down the road and I continue to grow and find happiness, he is starting to look at himself. Sorry for rambling, lol. But recovery is an interesting journey!
So, my point in all of this was, have you considered finding a f2f recovery support group other than your wife? There are LOTS of people with similar stories out there if you want the support.
Congrats on Day 13!!!!!
TTOSBT,
I'd like to get external support, or to a meeting of some kind, or have a sponsor I could trust and confide in but I'm very concerned for my confidentiality, and I wouldn't even know how to find what I'm looking for. I would need something very discreet that I could feel comfortable about. Even telling my story on here concerns me that somebody might know who I am, just based on the info I've given.
I'd like to get external support, or to a meeting of some kind, or have a sponsor I could trust and confide in but I'm very concerned for my confidentiality, and I wouldn't even know how to find what I'm looking for. I would need something very discreet that I could feel comfortable about. Even telling my story on here concerns me that somebody might know who I am, just based on the info I've given.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 11
GETR
I dont think I'd be able to stay sober and have any peace if I didnt have other people in my life going through the same thing. My husband, my friends....they just dont understand the struggles. I find that meetings are a Godsend.
When I went to my first meeting this time around, I was pretty concerned that in this little town I live in that someone would know me. Ya know what I found....no one cares who you are. At the meetings here in town there are several people I was surprised to see...prominent people from town. It was actually pretty humbling to think "I" was worried someone would know who I was. There's my ego for you.
I go to meetings all over. I'm in sales so I drive quite a bit to cover my territory. I'll catch a meeting over my lunch hour wherever I happen to be. Some meetings are of course better than others. Just go to a few meetings and eventually you'll find something that works....people like you, people you can relate to. Having people to truly confide in face to face really helps.
Just my 2 cents.
You're doing awesome! It's been great to read your story.
I dont think I'd be able to stay sober and have any peace if I didnt have other people in my life going through the same thing. My husband, my friends....they just dont understand the struggles. I find that meetings are a Godsend.
When I went to my first meeting this time around, I was pretty concerned that in this little town I live in that someone would know me. Ya know what I found....no one cares who you are. At the meetings here in town there are several people I was surprised to see...prominent people from town. It was actually pretty humbling to think "I" was worried someone would know who I was. There's my ego for you.
I go to meetings all over. I'm in sales so I drive quite a bit to cover my territory. I'll catch a meeting over my lunch hour wherever I happen to be. Some meetings are of course better than others. Just go to a few meetings and eventually you'll find something that works....people like you, people you can relate to. Having people to truly confide in face to face really helps.
Just my 2 cents.
You're doing awesome! It's been great to read your story.
Today is Day 14.
Two weeks!! It seems kinda hard to believe.
My situation is still overshadowed at home by the wife's latest work situation but I'm gonna try to not let that bother me and just keep on driving on with what I have to do. Maybe in a few months when it sinks in, and she sees the actual benefits and positive changes, she'll have a different take on it but for now, I know what's important and that is sobriety for me.
Thanks to all who have offered support, it has really helped.
Two weeks!! It seems kinda hard to believe.
My situation is still overshadowed at home by the wife's latest work situation but I'm gonna try to not let that bother me and just keep on driving on with what I have to do. Maybe in a few months when it sinks in, and she sees the actual benefits and positive changes, she'll have a different take on it but for now, I know what's important and that is sobriety for me.
Thanks to all who have offered support, it has really helped.
In addition to quitting drinking, I have been trying to eat better too though I have been eating lots of chocolate. I've lost a few pounds in the past two weeks and feel somewhat better physically, more energy. I've also been starting each morning off with coffee and a battery of vitamin supplements (ginko biloba, ginsing, fish oil, a multi, and ibuprofen) washed back with this blueberry smoothy health juice (anti-oxidant) I get at the store. Drinking lots of water too, like all the time. Whenever I get a craving type headache, a glass of water is the cure to that and I do get that headache, particularly at night when I would normally have bee drinking. My appearance is also improving, at least that's what I think when I look in the mirror. My face is not as bloated looking and I don't have such shiny cheeks like I did.
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