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Old 08-27-2008, 11:53 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Subsalicylate's Question

This was in Sunrose's welcome thread and I thought I'd make a new for this newcomer's question:

Hello to Sunrose & everyone here,

As of this moment, I have been somewhat sober for a little under 3 months. So, I'm not so sure that lessening your intake really counts very much in the way of being sober. Actually, I am more so really trying NOT to give into temptation, as I am surrounded by people who <3 to drink. So, I'd rather be completely honest here; and just say that every now and then I do give in to temptation; but can manage to go days at a time without drinking. So, sometimes...say I've had a really bad/stressful week, I may have 2 at most. I am not proud of it & obviously have to suffer the consequences of it by telling myself, "NO!"...I'm sure you guys may well know, after one or two, you just want more. However, despite all of this, I have gone from drinking a 6-pack a day to skipping days at a time and then having maybe 1 or 2...That is progress of some sort, I'm sure?

I guess...Actually, I really may have more of question for anyone who may care to answer this?...If stress/issues of which were never really quite resolved (say abusive relationships/emotional abuse and really more than just one) & getting used to drinking as a means to resolve these issues. Currently, I do attend therapy for these things. Though, the therapy & the hurt I experienced, all truly being more than I am anywhere capable of handling...Anyway, I don't forget it & the therapy/antidepressants aren't really enough (even now). I find it hard trusting people - mostly I tend to detach myself from almost everyone - As so, to avoid getting to close / hurt by them.

If these are the things that make you want to drink...What I would like to know is how you lay these issues to rest? I do manage to whatever degree to put up the best defense I know how...But, as for the guy who was emotionally abusive/detached from me...I guess I just know how much I really loved him. And, every now and then, it gets really hard! It gets really hard NOT TO DRINK.

What I would like to know is, "How do you guys lay these issues to rest?" I have for the longest time been emotionally dependent on alcohol. I do have a great boyfriend who I care about deeply. However, the experience of not only that, but other things as well. When you've experienced so much of the bad. How do you move beyond that?

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak;

courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.

Winston Churchill
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Old 08-28-2008, 12:23 AM   #2 (permalink)
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thanks for doing that BL

as to the question, Subsalicylate...drinking is no answer. I'm sure you know that. I certainly have the experience to know that.

Drinking never solves anything - the best it can do is make you forget for a short time...and even that amnesiac effect is lost to us eventually.

And it brings a whole load of other problems with it.

I'm not sure what these other problems you mention entail? but I'd mention to your therapist that whatever you're doing isn't enough. It maybe you need to talk about your expectations, it may be there's something your therapist is not aware of...I don't know. But be honest and open - that's what they're there for

What I do know is self medicating with booze is a really really bad idea. When we do that I think we're doing nothing but making things worse.

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Old 08-28-2008, 12:28 AM   #3 (permalink)

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I'm only 12 days in and struggling to deal with the headache, let alone the emotional stuff, so don't know if I'm qualified to help!! However, I've suffered from hideous depression for most of my adult life, been in a busive realtionships, have had a dodgy relationship with my mother forever (although that's a bit calmer now) and spent a lot of my childhood in hospital, so have an idea of what it's like trying to 'bury' the past. I've been through the odd bits of counselling etc, but have come to a point where i guess I just have to accept that my life happened and i can't change it - what I CAN change is to stop drinking healvily to try and get rid of it , and to move on - look forward and not back. I have three amazing children, one of whom's childhood I pretty much desroyed through my drinking and I hate the thought that she may look back and have dreadful memories. It's almost as if I wanted her to suffer as I did.
The biggest thing I can say is that it's better to look at the world through clear glass than a glass full of alcohol - maybe then I can begin to let go of the bitterness and hatred I feel for so much of my life.

I don't know if that made any sense! Good luck!

sas xx
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Old 08-28-2008, 01:46 AM   #4 (permalink)

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How do you lay it all to rest without alcohol?

Time.Patience-and we are not good at being patient as a rule, us alcoholics. It sounds to me like you're doing a lot of things right-you're seeing a therapist to work through your abuse issues for example.

It's important to remember that we didn't reach this place of desperation overnight-so it's going to take some time to reach a place of peace too.It isn't instant.There's no miracle cure, no magic pill-but it does require committment to keep putting one foot in front of the other.To choose not to drink today.....

I completely understand wanting to drink to forget the abuse stuff or the failed relationships-but the fact is-it won't make it go away and it isn't a way of dealing with it.All it does is put these issues on 'hold' and they resurface as time goes by.

All I can tell you is-drinking never made anything better for me.It made it 100 times worse because not ony would I have the same issues?I'd then end up with remorse and guilt over drinking and the stupid things I did when in that state.And the depression was a whole lot worse then too.Drinking can't help you.Ever.

Keep posting and know you're not alone here.

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Old 08-28-2008, 02:33 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Well, this is probably going to be foot in mouth advice, but hey, I'm good at that!!!
Since I quit, I have been keeping a written log of my stressful moments. (Actually, it's on my 'puter). I have also been taking these moments apart, like a watch, and analyzing them later to see what is making them tick, so to speak.

It has been a real eye-opener to see WHEN I get stressed, and why. In many cases, I am taking on too many responsibilities that I don't need to take on. In other words, I am actually creating stress when I could easily avoid it entirely....and, I have problems accepting that I can't control everything. (I guess that is why they say in the rooms: "keep it simple").

I don't have any experience with past abusive relationships. But I do, however, have experience with past parental neglect: I had alcoholic parents who were pretty much "out of the office" for most of my childhood.

The way I deal with that is: identify when that former neglect affects me now.

I guess you could say I am going with a "cognitive" therapy approach: I can't change the past. But I can change how I behave now. If I find myself feeling not worth anyone's time (now), because I wasn't worth my parent's time, I try to kick that thought out of my head. I remind myself how many people value me now, how many people have expressed how much they value my friendship, etc. It helps me see that the neglect wasn't because of me, it was because of them. Maybe you can use that method with your past issues.
Good luck, and congrats on your sober time!
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Old 08-28-2008, 02:40 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Hi Subsalicylate....

I suggest you check with your doctor and be honest about
your drinking patterns. In some cases....meds
and alcohol are a dangerous combination.
That may also be why your not getting good results from the meds.

My depression was diagnosed as situational.
That's why I started AA recovery.
I did not know I was going to find coping skills there.
...Wisest move I ever made.

I do so hope you find answers
Each Day Sober Is A Victory!!
Joy In AA Recovery!

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