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Old 08-28-2008, 01:33 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
littlefish
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
Well, this is probably going to be foot in mouth advice, but hey, I'm good at that!!!
Since I quit, I have been keeping a written log of my stressful moments. (Actually, it's on my 'puter). I have also been taking these moments apart, like a watch, and analyzing them later to see what is making them tick, so to speak.

It has been a real eye-opener to see WHEN I get stressed, and why. In many cases, I am taking on too many responsibilities that I don't need to take on. In other words, I am actually creating stress when I could easily avoid it entirely....and, I have problems accepting that I can't control everything. (I guess that is why they say in the rooms: "keep it simple").

I don't have any experience with past abusive relationships. But I do, however, have experience with past parental neglect: I had alcoholic parents who were pretty much "out of the office" for most of my childhood.

The way I deal with that is: identify when that former neglect affects me now.

I guess you could say I am going with a "cognitive" therapy approach: I can't change the past. But I can change how I behave now. If I find myself feeling not worth anyone's time (now), because I wasn't worth my parent's time, I try to kick that thought out of my head. I remind myself how many people value me now, how many people have expressed how much they value my friendship, etc. It helps me see that the neglect wasn't because of me, it was because of them. Maybe you can use that method with your past issues.
Good luck, and congrats on your sober time!
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