Class of November 2022 Part One
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
I had to treat myself like a friend in the beginning
When you hate yourself, there's little reason to stop.
If you had a friend who was suffering like you are, you'd move heaven and earth to help them, suggest things, do all you could to keep them sober....knock the damn drink out of their hands.
There's always a gap between the decision to drink and the drink itself.
Use that space.
Go that extra mile. When those throughs come of 'why not', 'just one', or 'who cares anyway - I'm garbage' or whatever else the AV is feeding you...seek out support and use it.
Be that friend to yourself,
D
When you hate yourself, there's little reason to stop.
If you had a friend who was suffering like you are, you'd move heaven and earth to help them, suggest things, do all you could to keep them sober....knock the damn drink out of their hands.
There's always a gap between the decision to drink and the drink itself.
Use that space.
Go that extra mile. When those throughs come of 'why not', 'just one', or 'who cares anyway - I'm garbage' or whatever else the AV is feeding you...seek out support and use it.
Be that friend to yourself,
D
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,955
I'm reading through and it is heartbreaking to see one of the members struggle.
Have a real nap taken day today now I'm up at a weird hour at 7:46 p.m. normally I'd be in bed by now oh well nobody said sobriety was going to be easy hahaha.
other than that I've got to get the speech to text to capitalize my first sentence I don't know how to do that yet. All is rolling along as it should be and I can get along with that. Namaste
Have a real nap taken day today now I'm up at a weird hour at 7:46 p.m. normally I'd be in bed by now oh well nobody said sobriety was going to be easy hahaha.
other than that I've got to get the speech to text to capitalize my first sentence I don't know how to do that yet. All is rolling along as it should be and I can get along with that. Namaste
Member
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 72
Originally Posted by Pekelover2 
Thank you for what you wrote, Dee.
GOS thank you for your candor/honesty. You’re incredibly strong. I understand what you’re saying about breaking the habit. And that in time, life will get easier. I want to stop drinking to save my marriage. But also for myself. I wish you knew the arguments that go on in my head: “don’t drink tonight! It always ends up badly”….”if you drink tonight you might text something snarky”…”alcohol is awful for your body”…
And yet I don’t listen. the AV temps me by saying “you deserve a mental break tonight”. When I watched this documentary on alcoholism a lady said “ I drink to get out of my brain”. It was like she read my mind! That’s how I feel. Drinking is like sleeping. Except I’m awake. Sort of. It makes my brain slow down.
These are all excuses. Ppl are struggling with much worse that I am. I can’t just give up!
My husband is so angry with me. He’s leaving for work soon. Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary. I hate myself.
GOS thank you for your candor/honesty. You’re incredibly strong. I understand what you’re saying about breaking the habit. And that in time, life will get easier. I want to stop drinking to save my marriage. But also for myself. I wish you knew the arguments that go on in my head: “don’t drink tonight! It always ends up badly”….”if you drink tonight you might text something snarky”…”alcohol is awful for your body”…
And yet I don’t listen. the AV temps me by saying “you deserve a mental break tonight”. When I watched this documentary on alcoholism a lady said “ I drink to get out of my brain”. It was like she read my mind! That’s how I feel. Drinking is like sleeping. Except I’m awake. Sort of. It makes my brain slow down.
These are all excuses. Ppl are struggling with much worse that I am. I can’t just give up!
My husband is so angry with me. He’s leaving for work soon. Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary. I hate myself.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 270
Originally Posted by GiftsOfSobriety
Getting a mental break was my primary justification for drinking. Until I removed drinking as an option I always had a reason.
Dee, what you said about treating yourself like a friend, It's so true! But I am treating myself like a patient. I am sick, my body is sick and needs help. First, stop drinking. Next, have a treat if you want, eat what you want, don't bother about calories because at the moment my focus is on not drinking.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2021
Location: PNW, US
Posts: 3,353
“Go that extra mile. When those throughs come of 'why not', 'just one', or 'who cares anyway - I'm garbage' or whatever else the AV is feeding you...seek out support and use it.
Be that friend to yourself”
Exactly. Thank you Dee!
Be that friend to yourself”
Exactly. Thank you Dee!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: New England
Posts: 1,476
Day 50. Peke hoping you can find a way to break the cycle. All good advice has been given now it’s up to you to take what will work for you. I see in you the same thought process I have, trying to have one foot in drinking and one foot out, but I don’t think it can ever work that way for me. As Dee points out, for some of us it’s merely the first drink that starts the fall into the abyss. That’s me. In fact I actively thought when drinking in the last few years when I cracked that first beer the saying “ and away we go!” Always wound up drinking way more than intended.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,509
Originally Posted by GiftsOfSobriety
I knew something had to give. I couldn’t keep going the way I was. I couldn’t take the pain of seeing the disappointment, despair, and desperation in my husband anymore. I had always been health conscious and into fitness but like you, it was like I’d given up. I would avoid looking in the mirror but when I’d catch a glimpse of myself I did not even recognize that person. The anxiety, the depression, the shame, the blackouts, waking up covered in bruises having no idea where they came from. I had tried and failed at every attempt at moderation, drinking only X numbers of days a week, 2 drinks a day, only on weekends or whatever new scheme I could come up with to continue drinking. The result was always the same.
I had to renew my driver's license and decided that I would not touch alcohol as of that day. It would be easy to remember because it was the date on my license. I read Sober Recovery every day, actually multiple times a day. I still do. And I didn’t drink no matter what. No matter what arose, difficult emotions, conflict, seemingly insurmountable issues I would not drink. Initially it was just breaking the habit because it was so habitual to drink for any reason. Once it was no longer a habit it became much easier. The temptations were more infrequent. The thought still occasionally occurs to me but I don’t want to go back there. Over these last 47 months I lost all the weight I had gained. I’m back at my goal weight. I look and feel like myself again. I’m thinking more clearly and living in a way that I’m no longer ashamed of. I’ve regained the trust of my husband. I’m not living a secret life. I am able to treat myself and others with respect we all deserve. I’m regaining my dignity day by day. I don’t want to give that up. I don’t think I would survive very long if I went back.
I’ve related to so much of what you’ve posted and am always so moved by your honesty and humility. I know you can do this. It gets so much better. You don’t have to live this way. You can do this.
I had to renew my driver's license and decided that I would not touch alcohol as of that day. It would be easy to remember because it was the date on my license. I read Sober Recovery every day, actually multiple times a day. I still do. And I didn’t drink no matter what. No matter what arose, difficult emotions, conflict, seemingly insurmountable issues I would not drink. Initially it was just breaking the habit because it was so habitual to drink for any reason. Once it was no longer a habit it became much easier. The temptations were more infrequent. The thought still occasionally occurs to me but I don’t want to go back there. Over these last 47 months I lost all the weight I had gained. I’m back at my goal weight. I look and feel like myself again. I’m thinking more clearly and living in a way that I’m no longer ashamed of. I’ve regained the trust of my husband. I’m not living a secret life. I am able to treat myself and others with respect we all deserve. I’m regaining my dignity day by day. I don’t want to give that up. I don’t think I would survive very long if I went back.
I’ve related to so much of what you’ve posted and am always so moved by your honesty and humility. I know you can do this. It gets so much better. You don’t have to live this way. You can do this.
This is what is talked about in the rooms of AA—this is the hope and the promise for every suffering alcoholic—you got your life back. You got YOU back.
I am very happy for you, love.
🧡
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,955
Hi welcome NorthernLass, AthensDawgs, GiftsOfSobriety, to the class.
I'll start with a payer.
Oh Great Spirit whose voice in the winds I hear,
And whose breath gives life to all the world-
Hear me.
Before you I come
One of your many children.
I am small & weak.
Your strength & wisdom I need.
Let me walk in beauty & make my eyes ever behold the sunset.
Make my heart respect all You have made,
& my ears sharp to hear Your voice.
Make me wise that I may know all You have taught my people,
The lessons You have hidden in every rock.
I seek strength, not to be superior to my brother,
but to fight my greatest enemy - myself.
Make me ready to stand before You with clean & straight eyes,
So when life fades as the fading sunset,
may my spirit stand before You without shame.
— Mitakuye Oyasin
Peke, are you ready to get into a treatment facility? I had to at one point in my tangled addiction recovery, inpatient was my only option. I was unable to stay sober in the outside world. AA, therapy, and county outpatient treatment weren't keeping me sober. Self-sabotage is my greatest threat to sobriety.
That's what I'm doing too. I'm replicating my inpatient treatment experience to help my recovery along. Loads of recovery work, tool relearning, new insights the whole shebang. For now, it is my full-time job to heal otherwise all will go to hell in a handbasket. Plus I want to be the hero my cat thinks I am 
welcome NorthernLass, AthensDawgs, GiftsOfSobriety, to the class.I'll start with a payer.
Oh Great Spirit whose voice in the winds I hear,
And whose breath gives life to all the world-
Hear me.
Before you I come
One of your many children.
I am small & weak.
Your strength & wisdom I need.
Let me walk in beauty & make my eyes ever behold the sunset.
Make my heart respect all You have made,
& my ears sharp to hear Your voice.
Make me wise that I may know all You have taught my people,
The lessons You have hidden in every rock.
I seek strength, not to be superior to my brother,
but to fight my greatest enemy - myself.
Make me ready to stand before You with clean & straight eyes,
So when life fades as the fading sunset,
may my spirit stand before You without shame.
— Mitakuye Oyasin
Peke, are you ready to get into a treatment facility? I had to at one point in my tangled addiction recovery, inpatient was my only option. I was unable to stay sober in the outside world. AA, therapy, and county outpatient treatment weren't keeping me sober. Self-sabotage is my greatest threat to sobriety.
Originally Posted by Nothern
I am treating myself like a patient. I am sick, my body is sick and needs help.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,511
Yes, the AV will always feed you excuses. Do you know what you can do so that you don't take that first drink again? Can you come up with a strategy for yourself? Would you consider an outpatient or inpatient treatment center.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 3,095
Hello all.
Just checking in, I am quite pleased with the plan I have in place going forward as my new meds seem to kicking in at least initially and although I've had some side effects, they are nothing like the last one I took.
I cannot drink with this drug so between that and my improving ability to handle stressful situations(I've also got another drug for panic attacks-to be taken as needed.) I feel the most optimistic I've been in years.
Over the years, and also in this thread, I've heard people say "take drinking off the table" and finally I have that mindset.
Oh, and just as an aside, neither of these drugs fall into the benzo category so no worries there, I used to have a prescription for Xanax(as needed for panic attacks) and I never abused or got addicted to it. Alcohol is the only drug I've had issues with.
Just checking in, I am quite pleased with the plan I have in place going forward as my new meds seem to kicking in at least initially and although I've had some side effects, they are nothing like the last one I took.
I cannot drink with this drug so between that and my improving ability to handle stressful situations(I've also got another drug for panic attacks-to be taken as needed.) I feel the most optimistic I've been in years.
Over the years, and also in this thread, I've heard people say "take drinking off the table" and finally I have that mindset.
Oh, and just as an aside, neither of these drugs fall into the benzo category so no worries there, I used to have a prescription for Xanax(as needed for panic attacks) and I never abused or got addicted to it. Alcohol is the only drug I've had issues with.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2021
Location: PNW, US
Posts: 3,353
Today is day two! And my 24th wedding anniversary. He’s so happy. My husband wants me to get better, and I do too.
thank you guys for all of the support. This week is going to be tricky. I’ll be here a lot. So thank you in advance.
thank you guys for all of the support. This week is going to be tricky. I’ll be here a lot. So thank you in advance.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: St. Louis, Mo
Posts: 7,334
Happy day 2 and Happy anniversary, Peke!
Day 43. It was a busy weekend. Had the grandkids and it was so much fun. Grateful for all I receive from sobriety.
Have a wonderful Monday, friends.
Day 43. It was a busy weekend. Had the grandkids and it was so much fun. Grateful for all I receive from sobriety.
Have a wonderful Monday, friends.
"If you're trying to control alcohol, it is already controlling you."
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Happy anniversary PL.
you know what the best present you can give yourself is
I hope that you can build on these 2 days without having to resort to things or approaches you might not want to do.
D
you know what the best present you can give yourself is
I hope that you can build on these 2 days without having to resort to things or approaches you might not want to do.
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 4,788
Happy anniversary PL.
Really tempted right now. Not even sure why. I got two pieces of good news today, a job interview Wednesday and my friend visiting Thursday. Obviously if I go on a bender that's them shot.
Its just hard when everyone else in the house is drinking. You think, would it matter if I had four beers? But of course it wouldn't be 4 beers, or maybe it'd be 4 9% beers tonight then desperate for booze as soon as the store opens tomorrow.
I need to be sober this week. And indefinitely I guess, but focusing on here to Thursday right now.
I'd love it if the interview went well and I'd love to not cancel on my friend and have a nice time with him.
Really tempted right now. Not even sure why. I got two pieces of good news today, a job interview Wednesday and my friend visiting Thursday. Obviously if I go on a bender that's them shot.
Its just hard when everyone else in the house is drinking. You think, would it matter if I had four beers? But of course it wouldn't be 4 beers, or maybe it'd be 4 9% beers tonight then desperate for booze as soon as the store opens tomorrow.
I need to be sober this week. And indefinitely I guess, but focusing on here to Thursday right now.
I'd love it if the interview went well and I'd love to not cancel on my friend and have a nice time with him.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
I was always scared of change - even good change. anything could be a reason to drink really.
Stay on the sober track and ace the interview and enjoy your friends visit without booze FF.
D
Stay on the sober track and ace the interview and enjoy your friends visit without booze FF.
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2021
Location: PNW, US
Posts: 3,353
Good for you FF. Such great pieces of news. And good luck tomorrow!!
Thank you Dee, Bobbi and anyone else who I missed. My husband worked tonight but we had a quick cup of coffee this morning.
Its funny how productive your day can be when you’re not hung over. Cleaned my house, went for run (it wasn’t great). But I was so happy. Saw my hygienist (he’s an incredible runner and like a friend to me). Got all of my Thanksgiving shopping finished.
What I’m grateful for:
24 years with a lovely man
my three dogs
The SR community
Only one small cavity in a back tooth (my first at 53)
No evidence of oral cancer
my family
my friends
that I haven’t done more damage when I was drinking
I hope that of all have a good evening.
Thank you Dee, Bobbi and anyone else who I missed. My husband worked tonight but we had a quick cup of coffee this morning.
Its funny how productive your day can be when you’re not hung over. Cleaned my house, went for run (it wasn’t great). But I was so happy. Saw my hygienist (he’s an incredible runner and like a friend to me). Got all of my Thanksgiving shopping finished.
What I’m grateful for:
24 years with a lovely man
my three dogs
The SR community
Only one small cavity in a back tooth (my first at 53)
No evidence of oral cancer
my family
my friends
that I haven’t done more damage when I was drinking
I hope that of all have a good evening.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
