Class of May 2020 part 16
Free.
Join Date: Apr 2020
Location: Saskatchewan.
Posts: 2,973
Wow! So many of us relapsing lately.
Maybe it serves the numbers. {so few recover} or maybe it is semblant of the times.
Our world is a GD mess these days.
I, too, haven’t got any fight left in me. Maybe that’ll change tomorrow.
Maybe it serves the numbers. {so few recover} or maybe it is semblant of the times.
Our world is a GD mess these days.
I, too, haven’t got any fight left in me. Maybe that’ll change tomorrow.
s
Member
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 510
I failed again. Didn’t make it through day three. However, I am realizing that I am anxious every day because of our finances. I have been juggling everything for too long. I looked at one credit card statement and it said we could pay it off in 25 years if we made the payment each month. I have many more than one credit card. We can never pay it off. I could and would be dead.
Looking at the process of bankruptcy. I need to do it for my sanity. The finances are my main trigger. I can’t handle the stress.
Didn’t want to just leave you all hanging. Just struggling. I just feel that if my finances were in order I would have a decent chance at sobriety. I can live within a budget. I’m just in over my head.
Hope
Looking at the process of bankruptcy. I need to do it for my sanity. The finances are my main trigger. I can’t handle the stress.
Didn’t want to just leave you all hanging. Just struggling. I just feel that if my finances were in order I would have a decent chance at sobriety. I can live within a budget. I’m just in over my head.
Hope
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,460
I’m sorry finances are so bad Hopeful.
I don’t really know about bankruptcy or what other avenues might be available, but what I do know is there’s always reasons to drink.
We can make some of them sound pretty valid, but drinking is not really solving anything.
Don’t let your AV go to town on the idea you can’t stop drinking until you sort out your finances, cos those kind of open ended ideas are what our addiction loves most of all, Hopeful.
D
I don’t really know about bankruptcy or what other avenues might be available, but what I do know is there’s always reasons to drink.
We can make some of them sound pretty valid, but drinking is not really solving anything.
Don’t let your AV go to town on the idea you can’t stop drinking until you sort out your finances, cos those kind of open ended ideas are what our addiction loves most of all, Hopeful.
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
Hi Hope. I first got treatment for my alcoholism 10 years ago. I went to inpatient rehab for 5 weeks but when I got out, I was $60,000 in credit card debt and I had lost my job because of the alcoholism. I had no choice but to declare personal bankruptcy since I didn't have an income to plan repayment with. I met with a specialist company and that was thier advice.
The thing I didn't consider is that my experience was all in finance and when I interviewed for financial firms, they couldn't hire me because of the strict background checks. A bankruptcy automatically disqualifies a candidate. 7 years to come off your credit report here in Canada. I was left to drift around trying to find a different industry for too long.
Ask a bankruptcy specialist in your area. If your have a steady income, you can rebuild your credit and it will eventually be cleared.
The thing I didn't consider is that my experience was all in finance and when I interviewed for financial firms, they couldn't hire me because of the strict background checks. A bankruptcy automatically disqualifies a candidate. 7 years to come off your credit report here in Canada. I was left to drift around trying to find a different industry for too long.
Ask a bankruptcy specialist in your area. If your have a steady income, you can rebuild your credit and it will eventually be cleared.
Free.
Join Date: Apr 2020
Location: Saskatchewan.
Posts: 2,973
I don’t know why our pride is so fervent when trying to avoid bankruptcy.
The whole truth is that if the world offers us a chance to clear things up we should take it.
The process exists to help people come back to a place where hope is more prevalent. Go for it Hope. You’ll be glad you did.
I meant to have the euthanasia talk with my Sis. Didn’t have the courage. I’ll do it over the phone I guess.
If I don’t find a way to recovery, by spring the laws in Canada become more lax. Mental health becomes a criteria for “doctor assisted dying”. I won’t live enduring the shame, stigma, and hurts of family that active alcoholism delivers.
If there is a God and that character wishes to free me, good. If I’m left with perish by bottle or by needle; it’ll be needle.
The whole truth is that if the world offers us a chance to clear things up we should take it.
The process exists to help people come back to a place where hope is more prevalent. Go for it Hope. You’ll be glad you did.
I meant to have the euthanasia talk with my Sis. Didn’t have the courage. I’ll do it over the phone I guess.
If I don’t find a way to recovery, by spring the laws in Canada become more lax. Mental health becomes a criteria for “doctor assisted dying”. I won’t live enduring the shame, stigma, and hurts of family that active alcoholism delivers.
If there is a God and that character wishes to free me, good. If I’m left with perish by bottle or by needle; it’ll be needle.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,460
TC
I know how hopeless things can look - I felt the same a few times - but honestly, you're a long way off that hopeless or irredeemable scenario.
However much your AV is insisting otherwise, your future is still very much still whatever you want it to be.
I hate the way this addiction makes us think death is the easy option. Its bollocks.
It may take some hard work...it may take doing some things you don't want to do, but you can recover and live a long and happy life sober, TC.
I know how hopeless things can look - I felt the same a few times - but honestly, you're a long way off that hopeless or irredeemable scenario.
However much your AV is insisting otherwise, your future is still very much still whatever you want it to be.
I hate the way this addiction makes us think death is the easy option. Its bollocks.
It may take some hard work...it may take doing some things you don't want to do, but you can recover and live a long and happy life sober, TC.
Free.
Join Date: Apr 2020
Location: Saskatchewan.
Posts: 2,973
Doctor assisted dying is not suicide so insurance companies will treat it differently. I’ll need to do my homework as to what those differences are.
Edit: Dee, I really love my sober days, and would keep sobriety as option one.
I think of those who have perished via the bottle. I WON’T GO OUT THAT WAY. I’ll take dignity for 600 Alex.
{jeopardy reference}
Edit: Dee, I really love my sober days, and would keep sobriety as option one.
I think of those who have perished via the bottle. I WON’T GO OUT THAT WAY. I’ll take dignity for 600 Alex.
{jeopardy reference}
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
My dad is a Vegetable in a hospital now partly from a serious blood infection and partly heavy vodka drinking daily for 2 years. He is 77 though and already lost my mom 3 years ago. I think he really hated being alone and just wanted to go.
You are far, far away from that point
You are far, far away from that point
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Western New York
Posts: 2,447
I hope your back feels better today Venuscat.
I'm sorry you are struggling WL, TC and Hope.
Hope- as far as finances go, I understand the stress but I can also say there has been a direct relationship between my past drinking and debt. Almost as close of a relationship as any calorie tracker and my weight. Getting sober didn't magically get my finances in order by itself and a bankruptcy might be the best thing for you right now, but as long as I was active drinking I had an eff-it attitude and wasn't doing what I needed to fix my spending. I never second guessed spending on booze and used drinking to avoid facing the issues I needed to deal with. Getting my finances in order wasn't a prerequisite for getting sober, it was the other way around for me. Drinking is what spiraled me into bad decisions
TC- alcoholism is a terrible way to go, but right now to be honest I feel like your AV is clinging to any excuse to drink possible. As WL said, you are a long way off from being hopeless. Feeling hopeless and being hopeless are two different things entirely. I'm sorry you are in such rough shape you would even consider that, but I sincerely hope you don't and reconsider. We're here for you and there is a lot of help for you
WL- I'm sorry you drank and that you Dad continues to be in bad shape. I can say from my past relapses, there is a small window where I'm still "ok" and can get away with a few drinks, but I spiraled back into the worst of shape quickly. Whatever you can do now to get sober again, I hope you can do it. Loneliness is really hard and listening to Canadian radio I keep hearing how they want to get stricter with covid rules again. It sucks, but it won't last forever. For what it's worth, we're here for support
My wife and I found out yesterday that a friend of ours passed away this weekend. He had cirrhosis from drinking and was I believe in the late stages and had lost a ton of weight. It is really sad and a horrible waste, he was a wonderful, kind and loving person and an extremely talented artist. He also had a lot of mental health issues and just spiraled downward in the past year. Because he was still active drinking, he wasn't a candidate for liver replacement and had been in and out of the hospital a number of times in the past year. It was preventable though, which isn't to blame him or anyone else. It's just that the past year has been extremely hard on everyone and events and sometimes compound on each other to lead to the worst outcome. In the end though, none of us has to die from drinking or suicide, it is something choose for ourselves
It's snowing here with a little bit of accumulation. I guess it will hide the dog poop for me until next spring. ;-)
Wishing everyone a better and sober day
I'm sorry you are struggling WL, TC and Hope.
Hope- as far as finances go, I understand the stress but I can also say there has been a direct relationship between my past drinking and debt. Almost as close of a relationship as any calorie tracker and my weight. Getting sober didn't magically get my finances in order by itself and a bankruptcy might be the best thing for you right now, but as long as I was active drinking I had an eff-it attitude and wasn't doing what I needed to fix my spending. I never second guessed spending on booze and used drinking to avoid facing the issues I needed to deal with. Getting my finances in order wasn't a prerequisite for getting sober, it was the other way around for me. Drinking is what spiraled me into bad decisions
TC- alcoholism is a terrible way to go, but right now to be honest I feel like your AV is clinging to any excuse to drink possible. As WL said, you are a long way off from being hopeless. Feeling hopeless and being hopeless are two different things entirely. I'm sorry you are in such rough shape you would even consider that, but I sincerely hope you don't and reconsider. We're here for you and there is a lot of help for you
WL- I'm sorry you drank and that you Dad continues to be in bad shape. I can say from my past relapses, there is a small window where I'm still "ok" and can get away with a few drinks, but I spiraled back into the worst of shape quickly. Whatever you can do now to get sober again, I hope you can do it. Loneliness is really hard and listening to Canadian radio I keep hearing how they want to get stricter with covid rules again. It sucks, but it won't last forever. For what it's worth, we're here for support
My wife and I found out yesterday that a friend of ours passed away this weekend. He had cirrhosis from drinking and was I believe in the late stages and had lost a ton of weight. It is really sad and a horrible waste, he was a wonderful, kind and loving person and an extremely talented artist. He also had a lot of mental health issues and just spiraled downward in the past year. Because he was still active drinking, he wasn't a candidate for liver replacement and had been in and out of the hospital a number of times in the past year. It was preventable though, which isn't to blame him or anyone else. It's just that the past year has been extremely hard on everyone and events and sometimes compound on each other to lead to the worst outcome. In the end though, none of us has to die from drinking or suicide, it is something choose for ourselves
It's snowing here with a little bit of accumulation. I guess it will hide the dog poop for me until next spring. ;-)
Wishing everyone a better and sober day
Free.
Join Date: Apr 2020
Location: Saskatchewan.
Posts: 2,973
I’m not sure why my decision is so upsetting.
I find it empowering.
I feel powerless 80+% of the time due to this disease.
Honestly, if I can’t recovery, I’m going to go out my way. I refuse to die drunk. It’s not going to happen.
If the doctor assisted thing happens, I’m sure I’ll be happily peaceful and sober on that day.
This disease has delivered far too much pain in my life. I don’t need or want any more.
My pardon was rescinded due to a messed up step five. The type of charges I had 30 yrs ago would divorce me of my (high paying) job if my employer ever runs a query. I can’t cross a border. I can’t look for new and exciting work. Six times in life I’ve had to live in absolute fear of a jail sentence while awaiting court for impaired driving charges. Anytime I’ve needed to be dependable is the time I screw things up the most.
My wife is still effectively a stranger while she decides what she is doing (staying or leaving). Lust and alcohol have been hand in hand since my teen years. I’ve alienated some loved ones. I have to blow in a breathalyzer in order to drive. Still 3 years remain of 5.
I have NO desire to continue at this job, but am stuck.
In the 6 month sentence I had as a young man, my heart rate never dipped below 110, my normal resting rate is 67. So…for six months my heart rate was over 50 beats PER MINUTE too high.
I’m pretty sure I have PTSD over it.
It has been a hard, hard life so many times.
The soul crushing shame of it all is just so embarrassing.
Do I want to check out? Yes, I do.
The rules may never permit it, but I’ll be looking into it.
I find it empowering.
I feel powerless 80+% of the time due to this disease.
Honestly, if I can’t recovery, I’m going to go out my way. I refuse to die drunk. It’s not going to happen.
If the doctor assisted thing happens, I’m sure I’ll be happily peaceful and sober on that day.
This disease has delivered far too much pain in my life. I don’t need or want any more.
My pardon was rescinded due to a messed up step five. The type of charges I had 30 yrs ago would divorce me of my (high paying) job if my employer ever runs a query. I can’t cross a border. I can’t look for new and exciting work. Six times in life I’ve had to live in absolute fear of a jail sentence while awaiting court for impaired driving charges. Anytime I’ve needed to be dependable is the time I screw things up the most.
My wife is still effectively a stranger while she decides what she is doing (staying or leaving). Lust and alcohol have been hand in hand since my teen years. I’ve alienated some loved ones. I have to blow in a breathalyzer in order to drive. Still 3 years remain of 5.
I have NO desire to continue at this job, but am stuck.
In the 6 month sentence I had as a young man, my heart rate never dipped below 110, my normal resting rate is 67. So…for six months my heart rate was over 50 beats PER MINUTE too high.
I’m pretty sure I have PTSD over it.
It has been a hard, hard life so many times.
The soul crushing shame of it all is just so embarrassing.
Do I want to check out? Yes, I do.
The rules may never permit it, but I’ll be looking into it.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,460
If the laws in your country will run along the same lines as Australia, and I guess they will you’ll need to see a therapist for a while, TC.
I think, honestly, that you need to see a therapist right now.
This is a sudden and quite intense change in tone in you.
If we’re upset, it’s because we care for you.. we’re worried for you, and scared for you.
You’re part of our family And when one of us hurts we all hurt.
Please think about seeing a doctor or a therapist.
D
I think, honestly, that you need to see a therapist right now.
This is a sudden and quite intense change in tone in you.
If we’re upset, it’s because we care for you.. we’re worried for you, and scared for you.
You’re part of our family And when one of us hurts we all hurt.
Please think about seeing a doctor or a therapist.
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
I feel hopeless too TC. And it's been for the last decade. I lost my career in the financial industry because I can't pass a background check. I don't even have a driver's license because I never bothered going to the required remedial course on the weekend because I was drinking at my worst. DUI is a criminal record which has cost me a lot of jobs. I drift from ****** entry-level jobs for the last dbeecade but never last past 6 months because I have no motivation for anything anymore. I don't even date women since an unemployed 45 year old alcoholic is not a desirable partner. Doesn't matter though because I don't have a sex drive at all.
The only thing that makes me happy is drinking because being sober and alone is just miserable. I don't have a life at all. My 10th Christmas in a row alone is this year. I have no positive outlook. I've tried everything. The only thing that interests me is traveling around the world. There's absolutely nothing and no one keeping me in Canada. Europe is my likely destination after my father passes away.
Besides one dinner outing in 2019. It's been 5 years since I had any face to face contact with anyone
The only thing that makes me happy is drinking because being sober and alone is just miserable. I don't have a life at all. My 10th Christmas in a row alone is this year. I have no positive outlook. I've tried everything. The only thing that interests me is traveling around the world. There's absolutely nothing and no one keeping me in Canada. Europe is my likely destination after my father passes away.
Besides one dinner outing in 2019. It's been 5 years since I had any face to face contact with anyone
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,460
I’m not sure what’s open this year where you are WL but maybe you can lend a hand at a soup kitchen or something?
it’s worthwhile work and you would at least be around other people?
D
it’s worthwhile work and you would at least be around other people?
D
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